ADHD kid with another baby on the way

[Anonymous]

My 9-year-old boy has always been tough. It was clear from preschool age that he had ADHD. He was formally diagnosed in kindergarten and started taking medication at age 6.

He has a lot of the typical behaviors that come with ADHD: oppositional defiance, pathological demand avoidance, etc. much of the time, getting ready for school, asking him to bathe, or even trying to leave the house for things that he wants to do are extremely painful and involve a lot of what feels like learned incompetence. It’s not just the things listed above, but these are the more frequent pain points.

On the other hand, he has shown that he is also capable of being a really sweet, well behaved kid who has his stuff together and can do all of the things above without protest. He had this multi-month streak of great behavior that made me feel like we turned a corner.

We had always wanted a second child, but it felt too unmanageable with his behavior. I really thought we could manage both now, and I’m due to give birth this week.

Unfortunately, his behavior has gone through an extreme regression since finding out about the baby. All the behaviors we thought were improving returned with a vengeance, and more, including urinating on the floor in his room. He refused to admit it until I caught him in the act. Even now, I’m pretty sure it’s still happening, but he won’t admit it.

I am at the end of my rope. I do not know how I am going to care for these two little creatures who both need so much attention and patience. I am crying to myself just thinking about it.

Please give me some kind words. I really need them.

[Anonymous]

Have you had him re-evaluated? This sounds like more than ADHD.

[Anonymous]

He seems extremely anxious.

You might want to tweak the meds, because as they grow, kids sometimes need different doses, or different types of medication.

You should also address the anxiety, either yourself, or with a therapist. Some kids take medication for anxiety as well as medication for ADHD: if you think he might need that, circle back to his psychiatrist to discuss this. Piling on the meds is not something to take lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you had him re-evaluated? This sounds like more than ADHD.

You mean autism?

Many kids have a combo ADHD/autism profile. I assume this is what PP meant. I have one kid with severe inattentive ADHD and ASD 1 (no tantrums, defiant behavior, just complete spaceyness and forgetfulness), and one kid with very mild autism but no ADHD.

[Anonymous]

it does sound like more than ADHD - PDA and ODD don't naturally package with ADHD in the way that OP suggests IMO.

But it does make sense that with a colossal life change there would be a regression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it does sound like more than ADHD - PDA and ODD don't naturally package with ADHD in the way that OP suggests IMO.

But it does make sense that with a colossal life change there would be a regression.

I’ve had my suspicions about co-morbid afflictions. Our therapist suggests that ADHD is starting to be understood as more of a spectrum, like autism.

My son can be charming in certain circumstances, but there has been a lot of uncontrollable anger lately. When calm, he knows exactly how he is supposed to interact, but he’s easily frustrated and seems to enjoy being oppositional.

[Anonymous]

urinating inside at age 9 is not normal OP even for kids with ADHD. I have never seen this and I have read a lot about ADHD in the last 2 years since my DD got diagnosed.
I would talk to his ped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you had him re-evaluated? This sounds like more than ADHD.

You mean autism?

Many kids have a combo ADHD/autism profile. I assume this is what PP meant. I have one kid with severe inattentive ADHD and ASD 1 (no tantrums, defiant behavior, just complete spaceyness and forgetfulness), and one kid with very mild autism but no ADHD.

I'm the PP. Maybe, but I don't want to speculate. Could be other things too. But it doesn't sound typical of just ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Big hugs you’ve got this momma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs you’ve got this momma!

Does she? She doesn’t even have a handle on the first kid’s diagnosis and the second is likely to be ND too.

[Anonymous]

She does. She asked for kind words and as a mom to a nd kid I offered kind words and not diagnosis of a child I’ve never met. We can choose to support in the way it’s been asked to support or we can choose not to.

[Anonymous]

She said she can’t take care of both kids with her 9yo being this way. Why in the hell would she have another? This is moumentally irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

there is no reason to assume the next kid will be special needs!

I hope you can find a good play therapist that can help your son, and that he comes to live his sib.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I'll bite. My kid was diagnosed with a serious medical condition 3 years before we tried for #2. I fully accepted the rigors of that condition (nightly wakeups) with a baby. That said, I got lucky and technology rapidly evolved 2 months before I gave birth and I suddenly reclaimed my sleep. Well except for waking up to pee frequently.

You need to find the equivalent of that technology for you. Maybe it's hiring someone to take him immediately from school to dinner + sports every night. That way his energy is good coming home. Or maybe it's a new eval, new medication. Whatever is takes, do it now.

[Anonymous]

My oldest sounds like yours / my second is very focused and organized. She's the teacher’s pet at school. Her closet is arranged by color. This is just to say your next one could be easier.