awkward playdate encounter

[Anonymous]

You needed to say, "I had no idea you were here!" and maybe even, "can I join?"

Of course they'd have to say "yes" and that's a little awkward but it's already awkward. And you'd just make it more awkward by keeping your distance

[Anonymous]

Invite other boys for play dates. You are able to cultivate friendships.

[Anonymous]

I get this. Your feelings are valid. Everyone doesn’t need to be invited to everything, but it hurts to not be thought of.

The other ladies didn’t really do anything wrong, and perhaps they even felt bad (hence texting the pics), so I would not address in any way.

[Anonymous]

I would probably also feel bad.

There are so many reasons why they may not have included you. By third grade, most play dates are drop off.

My oldest is now in high school. I am friends with zero of his friends’ parents. I am still friends with several moms I met when he was in preschool and early elementary. By upper elementary, the moms are not hanging around while the kids play.

My kids switched sports so the moms I hung out with all those years in soccer and swim are different than the ones my kid is on the teams with now

Maybe your kid is not as close. Maybe the moms don’t like you as much. Maybe they have other kids or dads are closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this more thought. It doesn’t matter. It’s hard enough to make plans with one other parent and kid. Expecting that all 4 of you and kids are included every time there is a plan is a bit much

True BUT the OP has stated that there is an established group text with all the moms on it. How hard is it to text plans to that text group.

OP, I am hoping it was an oversight or there is some other explanation but I have also found through the years that my instincts are often spot on and if not spot on, then there is at least something there when that little voice speaks in my head. I do think it is odd that all three were at the park and you had not been included. I am sorry OP for I really do know how it feels.

Sure but I have tons of different text threads that include overlapping moms. Maybe Andrew’s mom texted Benjamin’s mom about a play date and Benjamin already has plans with Caleb so they all met up.

Yes, maybe they excluded her intentionally but who wants to go through life thinking like that? Just live your life, keep texting them and yes, broaden your circle.

+1 I can see feeling hurt but also you don't know how the playdate arose and it's not something formal like a bday party with real invites and a guest list. I can see it being like what PP said above. If they were friendly there and continue to reach out (and do otherwise make plans with you) don't write them off.

[Anonymous]

I would have been hurt. But I always try to focus on my kid's feelings - if he wasn't hurt or didn't even notice, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this more thought. It doesn’t matter. It’s hard enough to make plans with one other parent and kid. Expecting that all 4 of you and kids are included every time there is a plan is a bit much

True BUT the OP has stated that there is an established group text with all the moms on it. How hard is it to text plans to that text group.

OP, I am hoping it was an oversight or there is some other explanation but I have also found through the years that my instincts are often spot on and if not spot on, then there is at least something there when that little voice speaks in my head. I do think it is odd that all three were at the park and you had not been included. I am sorry OP for I really do know how it feels.

Sure but I have tons of different text threads that include overlapping moms. Maybe Andrew’s mom texted Benjamin’s mom about a play date and Benjamin already has plans with Caleb so they all met up.

Yes, maybe they excluded her intentionally but who wants to go through life thinking like that? Just live your life, keep texting them and yes, broaden your circle.

+1 I can see feeling hurt but also you don't know how the playdate arose and it's not something formal like a bday party with real invites and a guest list. I can see it being like what PP said above. If they were friendly there and continue to reach out (and do otherwise make plans with you) don't write them off.

Except for the having lunch part. Accidental meetup is one thing. All three bringing their lunch suggests a very different level of intentionality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You needed to say, "I had no idea you were here!" and maybe even, "can I join?"

Of course they'd have to say "yes" and that's a little awkward but it's already awkward. And you'd just make it more awkward by keeping your distance

+1

[Anonymous]

So many possible explanations. Maybe they all arrived separately with their picnics. Maybe they have other kids who are doing an activity together, and decided to wait out the time at the park. Maybe A and B made plans on their way out of school, and C heard about it and asked “can I come?”. Maybe the moms all do the same Pilates class or attend the same AA meeting and decided to get kids together after. Maybe they’re neighbors and ran into each other at the bus stop.

It’s a bummer, but unless it’s a pattern I wouldn’t stress about it. Extend more playdate invites yourself, to them and to other kids. See where it takes you.

[Anonymous]

Low self esteem

[Anonymous]

I would have been hurt too and would have been tempted to leave quickly before they saw us. But- if you think of it this way- if these moms and kids each have a relatively large or varied friend group, they might not view your 4 kids and your 4 selves as a unit, where inviting 2 but not the 3rd would be rude or potentially awkward. Let's say their kid has 8 friends they regularly hang with, sometimes one on one and sometimes in a group. Getting together with 2 out of the 8 wouldn't be weird, right? They might not even truly realize that your 4 kids often hang out since they also often hang out with others, or one of those kids, etc.

Basically, I wouldn't read anything into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have no idea who was invited to the park and cld totally be the awkward mom sending pics, or could see being like oh hey lovely to run into you the kids had a blast and being clueless that you felt excluded.

We have a community pool, and often we’ll text one or two of our neighbors with kids the same age as ours and run into a whole bunch of kids at the pool, not just the fam we walked over with.

I’d feel left out if we/my kid weren’t invited to a bday party or year end huge picnic, but wldnt worry about this personally.

This. There are 6-7 families we regularly see at the pool. Sometimes I'll plan to meet one family there, and one or two other families show up and come sit under our umbrella too. I would be horrified if they felt like "oh, she only invited Susie's family, we shouldn't intrude". It's our pool club! Any member can show up anytime! same with a public park. Maybe they just clicked the wrong group text thread when they said , lets go have a picnic at the park. I have so many group text threads for the pool (to use the same example)- some with all families I'm friends with who have 1st grade girls, some with all families I'm friends with that have 4th grade girls, one that has families i'm friends with who have 2 kids same age as my girls, one of 3 families that were on the same rec soccer team this fall and these 3 families all happen to belong to our pool club too, so I might accidentally respond to that group chat to be like hey guys lets go to the pool! Because it's at the top of my text thread list. And it isn't meant to exclude any other friends who also go to the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this more thought. It doesn’t matter. It’s hard enough to make plans with one other parent and kid. Expecting that all 4 of you and kids are included every time there is a plan is a bit much

True BUT the OP has stated that there is an established group text with all the moms on it. How hard is it to text plans to that text group.

OP, I am hoping it was an oversight or there is some other explanation but I have also found through the years that my instincts are often spot on and if not spot on, then there is at least something there when that little voice speaks in my head. I do think it is odd that all three were at the park and you had not been included. I am sorry OP for I really do know how it feels.

I posted a minute ago about the myriad group texts on my phone that include between 2 and 6 other local moms, for various reasons, and I absolutely could be chatting on a group text with 2 moms since we are talking about a specific soccer thing for our kids soccer team and then be like "we should go to the pool in an hour" as we are chatting about soccer. Instead of closing the text, and making sure I open up the one that includes 4 families that like the pool, instead of just those 2 families I'm already chatting with about something different that doesn't affect the other families.

[Anonymous]

You really can't get this invested or in your head about this type of thing. It's a road to nowhere.

In general, ALWAYS diversify the friend group for your kid and encourage lots of different friends. Personally, I think it's a bad idea to have "the group" and you do sports and school and hang out outside of school together. Have soccer friends and school friends and neighborhood friends and pool friends and scout friends, etc. You always want a kid to have options and a wide circle.

And as often stated on this site, cultivate friendships that are not the parents of your kids' friends.

[Anonymous]

Mom of young adults here. You must differentiate your friends from your children's friends. You don't have to be close friends with your children's friend's parents. These relationships are temporary and about proximity only. Like having neighbors. Just because you live next door to someone doesn't mean you have to be their bestie or hang with the neighborhood. It's okay not to emotionally invest in these parents and try to seek their favor. It's about your kid having friendships to learn social skills and life lessons, not about you. Emotionally divest yourself from these moms. As I say, they are temporary fixtures in your life so treat them as such.