Where did all this entitlement come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entitled behavior everywhere. Growing up, I thought it was limited to “bad manners” in poor people and “crass behavior” in rich people. Now it’s everyone all the time, in people from all walks of life.

I see it everywhere too!

In Saturday I was turning left at a light that was taking really long to change. The person behind me backed up squealed around me cut in front of me as the light turned green (she turned left on the red). Then she sped off into the gated country club entrance a half mile down the road. I was headed to the club myself (she didn’t expect that!) and followed right behind her. She sped through the parking lot until I parked - I wasn’t going to chase her around.

If I wanted to be an a$$ I’d turn her in to management. But I think the heart attack of realizing she cut off a fellow member of a small private club was probably punishment enough.

This has happened to me several times, as well as people turning left onto people turning right from the opposite direction. If you honk at them for violating right-of-way, they get aggressive on the road. Looking at you, crazy Bethesda folks.

[Anonymous]

OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

If you feel offended by the posts, you must be what we are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

Um, correct. I do not cut around people waiting to make their turn, and I follow the rules of the road, such as waiting for oncoming traffic to pass before making my left turn. What's your point?

[Anonymous]

I have another example. I was working as a volunteer at a local park along with 3 other women. It’s a non paid position that we all completed 30 hours of mandatory training for. A woman came up and said hello, then asked if we needed help. We politely told her no thank you, that we were fine and we were volunteers with X organization only. She ignored that and asked again, to which we firmly and politely told her no, but she would be very welcome to attend the public event in the park at X time. She paused and then went on a diatribe about how she was trying to offer some human connection on this beautiful day and how dare we ignore her outreach.

Last year I volunteered for an organization collecting “used but clean” blankets and towels and clothing. One man donated some lovely suits and shirts, but mostly it was tons and tons of dirty, in some cases, completely soiled fabric and bedding that people dropped off as “good condition, usable clothing and bedding”! One woman had the gall to say that she had donated something she didn’t mean to and couldn’t believe we unpaid volunteers couldn’t drop everything and sort through a giant moving truck worth of soiled fabric to find her item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't read as entitlement to me, exactly. That's there. But to me the prevailing feeling is angry. Everyone seems angry, and this makes them not care about others and to behave in more selfish ways, because it doesn't matter to them how their behavior impacts others.

But it just reads as less "I deserve this more than you" and more "I deserve this and I'm afraid you'll take it away from me if I don't aggressively snatch it out from under you."

I find myself spending less and less time in public spaces these days. It is too stressful. Especially because I'm a recovering people pleaser and nothing brings out my people pleasing instincts more than people acting angry or aggressive (I learned at a very young age to appease angry people in order to avoid becoming a target).

I agree with this. I see lots of anger and frustration. Maybe it comes from entitlement in that people feel like life should be frictionless. I've seen people throw fits in a store over the stupidest things. Not caring how this looks to others is very different than how people used to act.

Or maybe people feel like they are invisible and not valued and want attention they never got. They don't care about being polite anymore. Some of these are like the guy in that movie Falling Down.

There is also a feeling of just being threatening to others (angry, aggressive) as a default stance. I think this comes from insecurity and defeat rather than entitlement.

[Anonymous]

It started decades ago—this entitlement sentiment. On TV, you would see Simon or Mort or Gordon Ramsey, just slam people with their words. Then the lawyers crawled out of the woodwork on every spilled coffee, etc. people nicknamed others a ‘Karen’ when they complained and pushed their view point. Love, neighborliness, and decorum left society. Selfishness, meanness, and entitlement entered in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

Um, correct. I do not cut around people waiting to make their turn, and I follow the rules of the road, such as waiting for oncoming traffic to pass before making my left turn. What's your point?

Correct. I also return my shopping cart, clean up my table after using it at fast food or coffee shops, and flush after using a public toilet. All things I expect everyone to do, but so many do not.

[Anonymous]

Trumpification of America

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

Um, correct. I do not cut around people waiting to make their turn, and I follow the rules of the road, such as waiting for oncoming traffic to pass before making my left turn. What's your point?

Correct. I also return my shopping cart, clean up my table after using it at fast food or coffee shops, and flush after using a public toilet. All things I expect everyone to do, but so many do not.

I think we're on the same page here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs, everyone but you and yours, right?

Um, correct. I do not cut around people waiting to make their turn, and I follow the rules of the road, such as waiting for oncoming traffic to pass before making my left turn. What's your point?

Correct. I also return my shopping cart, clean up my table after using it at fast food or coffee shops, and flush after using a public toilet. All things I expect everyone to do, but so many do not.

+1. Don’t park in the firelane. Don’t cut in lines. Hold doors. Don’t use audio in public without headphones or make loud phone calls. Leave items in the condition that you found them. Speak kindly to strangers.

This isn’t hard and yet so many don’t do it. I blame their lazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The customer is always right" culture blended with "I must be comfortable at all times."

People aren't learning how to hear "no" anymore.

haha so true. A neighbor called me (over Facebook) the most unneighborly person she has ever lived next to for being vocal about dogs peeing and pooping right in front of my front door. I told her that I'm not unneighborly. It's that she was never told "no" before ever in her life.

Facebook is part of it too, there's little consequence for being an a*shole online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do we fix it? The other day I was dropping my child off at school. I’m pretty sure in any drop off line, you are supposed to drive and close the gap between cars, drop off when you’re stopped, and then leave.

The car in front of me stopped way short of the front of the line, by 4-5 car lengths. A bunch of us stopped and had to maneuver around while he dropped off his daughter. He then cut in and drove another 4 car lengths. Car door opens again and another daughter gets out. I kid you not, then he drove another 2 car lengths by swerving around the rest of the line and stopping in the pedestrian crosswalk, and dropped off his son. Three kids, looked like 1st grade through 7th grade. Three separate drop offs, all over a span of less than 100 feet.

"How do we fix it?"

I don't know I tried the be the change I wanted to see in the world but if I'm the only one doing this its not working I guess. Its tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't read as entitlement to me, exactly. That's there. But to me the prevailing feeling is angry. Everyone seems angry, and this makes them not care about others and to behave in more selfish ways, because it doesn't matter to them how their behavior impacts others.

But it just reads as less "I deserve this more than you" and more "I deserve this and I'm afraid you'll take it away from me if I don't aggressively snatch it out from under you."

I find myself spending less and less time in public spaces these days. It is too stressful. Especially because I'm a recovering people pleaser and nothing brings out my people pleasing instincts more than people acting angry or aggressive (I learned at a very young age to appease angry people in order to avoid becoming a target).

I could have wrote this. Angry everywhere entitled and angry in and around cities. I just don't want to be around these people anymore.

That's not the response. Bullies only respond to you standing up, take a look around. I'm about to buy that book by the German political scientists that discusses how mediocre employees facilitate autocracy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do we fix it? The other day I was dropping my child off at school. I’m pretty sure in any drop off line, you are supposed to drive and close the gap between cars, drop off when you’re stopped, and then leave.

The car in front of me stopped way short of the front of the line, by 4-5 car lengths. A bunch of us stopped and had to maneuver around while he dropped off his daughter. He then cut in and drove another 4 car lengths. Car door opens again and another daughter gets out. I kid you not, then he drove another 2 car lengths by swerving around the rest of the line and stopping in the pedestrian crosswalk, and dropped off his son. Three kids, looked like 1st grade through 7th grade. Three separate drop offs, all over a span of less than 100 feet.

"How do we fix it?"

I don't know I tried the be the change I wanted to see in the world but if I'm the only one doing this its not working I guess. Its tiring.

Right. I respond politely to rude people. Generally, it surprises them and they tone down their behavior. I'm doing my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, since it seems to me we're all just completely traumatized by current events and the media we consume. There is no longer any expectation of public civility.

Even if manners aren't contagious, I'm much calmer not losing my temper.