Talking to me like I’ve never cooked before

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me to stop getting irrationally irritated by this. My elderly, widower father now has to cook for himself. My mother did all the cooking when she was alive. Now he’s always offering me cooking and grocery shopping tips like I’ve never cooked for my family before. DH and I are empty nesters and I am SICK of cooking and would love to never eat Dinner again. I get so irritated every time my father asks me if I know why something is done in cooking a particular dish, etc. Does anyone else have to deal with this?

Ignor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are entirely too naive.

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me to stop getting irrationally irritated by this. My elderly, widower father now has to cook for himself. My mother did all the cooking when she was alive. Now he’s always offering me cooking and grocery shopping tips like I’ve never cooked for my family before. DH and I are empty nesters and I am SICK of cooking and would love to never eat Dinner again. I get so irritated every time my father asks me if I know why something is done in cooking a particular dish, etc. Does anyone else have to deal with this?

. Ok so the next time he starts up just say: "Dad, please stop talking to me incessantly about this boring cooking nonsense. I hate cooking and I hate listening to you talk about it. I even posted on the internet mocking you about it to complete strangers. Also, when are you going to drop dead already? I could use that inheritance " If you're lucky maybe he will never talk to you again. Cheers.

[Anonymous]

My 93 y/o dad never cooked for himself until my mom died last year. Not surprisingly, he's terrible at it, and I've had to take him to urgent care because he thought a mandoline slicer was the antidote for what he lacks in knife skills. I humor him when he shows me "easy" YouTube recipes narrated by that generic AI voice, and when I get frustrated I think about how happy my mom would be that he misses her cooking enough to try to replicate it himself.

[Anonymous]

He’s proud of himself. It’s hard to be forced to learn a new skill late in life. He’s accepting his new reality and stepping up to the challenge and willing to ask questions and learn. You have to be there for him on this one. If you suddenly had to learn something that’s not usually your role - car stuff? Finances? Home repair? - you might also be taking about it with people who might be able to help guide and support you.

[Anonymous]

Sign him up for a culinary arts class. Keep his mind active and engaged.

[Anonymous]

At least he’s cooking! When we went to college my mom announced that she was never cooking again. What that means in practice was that she makes herself what we now call “girl dinner” most nights and my father gets himself takeout or fast food. He’s eaten his way into serious health problems.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the OP finds this annoying because it veers into mansplaining? The very common male trait to talk down or explain to a woman something she might know much better than him anyway. That kind of talking down can annoy anyone. Seems to come from a place where some men do not realize that just because something is new to them, it doesnt mean others havent lived through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sign him up for a culinary arts class. Keep his mind active and engaged.

Great idea. Better yet, do it together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the OP finds this annoying because it veers into mansplaining? The very common male trait to talk down or explain to a woman something she might know much better than him anyway. That kind of talking down can annoy anyone. Seems to come from a place where some men do not realize that just because something is new to them, it doesnt mean others havent lived through it.

Agreed, that seems like a likely dynamic. I've had to very consciously decide that my partner isn't talking down to me, he's thinking out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He misses your mom and talking about cooking gives him an excuse to mention her indirectly.

+1. It also gives him a way to connect to you. I would guess your irritation has more to do with where you are in your own life, lack of satisfaction, than him wanting to discuss this new found knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Think of it as a positive: he's learning how to cook. A lot of old men would sit next to the fridge hungry after their wife dies expecting their daughters to cook. There was a thread of a woman who went to her dad's house after his divorce to cook daily. And yes, if he's interested, why not a cooking class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least he’s cooking! When we went to college my mom announced that she was never cooking again. What that means in practice was that she makes herself what we now call “girl dinner” most nights and my father gets himself takeout or fast food. He’s eaten his way into serious health problems.

And why cannot your father cook? It's up to him if he wants to eat himself to the grave. I'm personally also over cooking and my DH who has never cooked is looking forward for me to cook for him once the kids launch. Oh, I've told him over and over that it's not happening. I have no idea what he plans to do. I'm sick of it and cannot wait for it to be over. Also, when I'm on my own, I have to run dishwasher just once a week compared to every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 93 y/o dad never cooked for himself until my mom died last year. Not surprisingly, he's terrible at it, and I've had to take him to urgent care because he thought a mandoline slicer was the antidote for what he lacks in knife skills. I humor him when he shows me "easy" YouTube recipes narrated by that generic AI voice, and when I get frustrated I think about how happy my mom would be that he misses her cooking enough to try to replicate it himself.

This stresses me out. I'm all for people maintaining their independence as long as possible, but I think he might be past that on the cooking front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the OP finds this annoying because it veers into mansplaining? The very common male trait to talk down or explain to a woman something she might know much better than him anyway. That kind of talking down can annoy anyone. Seems to come from a place where some men do not realize that just because something is new to them, it doesnt mean others havent lived through it.

Your vaginasplainin again.