Therapy for 2e 14yo

[Anonymous]

Op here - I just wanted to share one thing that was reinforced by the therapist, which seemed to really help. In case it helps anyone else.

During family therapy, DH and I shared how we were just really tired and frustrated with the daily challenge of fighting with her on everything. And DD was expressing how the IEP was useless- it was just the school nagging her about exactly all the same stuff that DH and I nag her about.

The therapist said that was a good thing, that the school could take over some of the nagging so that we could focus more on just being a family and doing family things. And suggested to DH and me that we make time for ourselves at least once a week to give ourselves a break from the stress of getting the kids to do anything- even trying to do fun stuff together as a family is so difficult because they are always initially oppositional to everything.

Both of these things has helped. I managed to find a novel activity that I thought DD would specifically enjoy and I got her to do it with me. Yes she refused at first, but I eventually convinced her and before she knew it she was actually enjoying the activity. It was the first time we’ve done an activity together and the important thing was we weren’t fighting.

And I have to say I think part of it was that I think she just really had an opportunity to vent at the family therapy session, and then afterwards she was in a much better mood.

Hope that helps someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this all start? Was she difficult when she was younger (e.g, 4-6)?

It has never been this bad but I think that’s related to the age. She wants to break away but she’s not ready to yet either.

When she was that age, there were signs. Examples… I remember once I decided to surprise her with a mommy/daughter date after school to go out and get ice cream after school and she had a complete over the top melt down, because it was not the routine. And once, when by suggestion of her teacher, I bought her a journal for her to practice writing and reading, and I wrote an encouraging note in the journal, it led to a 3 hour meltdown. She hates hugs, or any affection, and never let anyone hold her hand. And she always pushed people away (literally told them to go away) when she felt like they set limits, asked questions (like are you hungry? Do you want a snack?) or were too controlling- babysitters, grandparents, and other caregivers.

So sorry, OP. If family therapy doesn’t work, I would seriously consider a strict boarding school where they are trained to deal with this, if you can afford it.

NP here. Do you know of schools that do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I just wanted to share one thing that was reinforced by the therapist, which seemed to really help. In case it helps anyone else.

During family therapy, DH and I shared how we were just really tired and frustrated with the daily challenge of fighting with her on everything. And DD was expressing how the IEP was useless- it was just the school nagging her about exactly all the same stuff that DH and I nag her about.

The therapist said that was a good thing, that the school could take over some of the nagging so that we could focus more on just being a family and doing family things. And suggested to DH and me that we make time for ourselves at least once a week to give ourselves a break from the stress of getting the kids to do anything- even trying to do fun stuff together as a family is so difficult because they are always initially oppositional to everything.

Both of these things has helped. I managed to find a novel activity that I thought DD would specifically enjoy and I got her to do it with me. Yes she refused at first, but I eventually convinced her and before she knew it she was actually enjoying the activity. It was the first time we’ve done an activity together and the important thing was we weren’t fighting.

And I have to say I think part of it was that I think she just really had an opportunity to vent at the family therapy session, and then afterwards she was in a much better mood.

Hope that helps someone.

I'm really glad you had a good family therapy session and got to do a fun activity together! Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did this all start? Was she difficult when she was younger (e.g, 4-6)?

It has never been this bad but I think that’s related to the age. She wants to break away but she’s not ready to yet either.

When she was that age, there were signs. Examples… I remember once I decided to surprise her with a mommy/daughter date after school to go out and get ice cream after school and she had a complete over the top melt down, because it was not the routine. And once, when by suggestion of her teacher, I bought her a journal for her to practice writing and reading, and I wrote an encouraging note in the journal, it led to a 3 hour meltdown. She hates hugs, or any affection, and never let anyone hold her hand. And she always pushed people away (literally told them to go away) when she felt like they set limits, asked questions (like are you hungry? Do you want a snack?) or were too controlling- babysitters, grandparents, and other caregivers.

So sorry, OP. If family therapy doesn’t work, I would seriously consider a strict boarding school where they are trained to deal with this, if you can afford it.

NP here. Do you know of schools that do this?

I think the answer is: no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she still have her phone?

We tried to take it but she refused to hand it over. Ultimately we decided it wasn’t a hill to die on. There’s just so many other battles

I just wanted to chime in and say that I feel you on this, OP. We have a 17 year old son, diagnosed with ASD, given a gifted designation based on state testing as well as the ACT and HSPT, but would not participate in neuropsychiatric testing.
We are also having a lot of trouble with the phone, and he will not give it to us. We eventually turned off his line, but he was still on the wi-fi, so we turned off the wi-fi in the house (meaning the other kids had to go to the library or coffee shop to do their homework). DS still managed to steal the neighbor’s wi-fi on occasion, or he would download movies and podcasts on his phone while he was at school or the library and watch them at home.

So, he was still on his phone all of the time, only we had no internet at home, AND I couldn’t call him or text him. So, not only didn’t it work, it was really a headache for me. Eventually, we came up with some excuse of something he did well and we gave him his phone back. It was all just a lot of wasted effort at best. (Well, except that the other kids are REALLY good about following the rules surrounding their phones. They don’t want to get the internet taken away again!)