Gut check on teenager church mentor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked this behavior shocks you.

This

[Anonymous]

Christian conservatives are the least trustworthy group in the US. There has been a wave of leaders of mostly Southern megachurches or evangelical churches. These men feel powerful, almost God-like. They are intolerant to any groups not like them and talk a lot of hate. At the same time they are abusing young girls and boys. I don’t trust them at all. They are not good people.

One example -
About 700 victims were sexually abused, assaulted or raped by Southern Baptist Church leaders and volunteers across two decades, according to a six-month joint investigation by the Houston Chronicle and The San Antonio Express.


https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/southern-baptist-officials-sexually-abused-hundreds-new-reports-reveal

Be more wary of abuse, not a young woman sharing what could be valuable information to a teen suffering quietly with an eating disorder

[Anonymous]

Oh god, OP. This is such a trope. Church group leaders are notoriously abusive and take advantage of the younger girls and boys in the group. Don't let your daughter get sucked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter who is 17 has been a part of a church like bible study group all of high school. We’re Christian and I think it’s great and a good social outlet away from alcohol, with nice kids. The leaders are college kids and young adults and a few teach at the school, all women.

I’m however starting to wonder if these adult women don’t have enough boundaries with teenage girls. After one of their weekend retreats at a summer camp recently my daughter came to me and said that her leader has been struggling with eating disorder issues, as had another teenager. The college student leader has mentioned her struggles at Bible shady s

I don't understand why this is an issue at all. It is not like grooming with sex stuff or anything. This is probably something where they discuss personal struggles and how the Bible helps them get through it, and an ED is a common struggle for a young woman. Unless you think they are trying to indoctrinate your daughter into having one I'm not sure what the concern is. It would probably be much worse in a sorority.

I think you're thinking that this is like if a licensed therapist started telling their patients about their personal problems, but it's not like that. It's more like a book club.

+1

The leaders didn’t claim to be therapists. It seems like your biggest difficulty is that in addition to being a great social outlet away from alcohol (which apparently it is), with nice kids (which apparently they are), they are also a Bible study group - which is exactly how they portrayed themselves. That means that as fellow Christians, they learn about how the Bible can guide, strengthen, and comfort them. They support each other through struggles and rejoice with each other in happy times. In addition to being members of the same group, they are also friends, and sisters in Christ.

Moreover, the leader wasn’t encouraging eating disorders. She apparently wasn’t even the one who raised the topic. It sounds like she mentioned it to help one of the members who was struggling with it. Do you think she’d have been a better leader if when the girl mentioned her eating disorders, the adult had said it wasn’t appropriate for discussion? Do you think she should have lied about her own eating disorder and condemned the girl? The nice kids in the Bible study are most likely very nice, but they’re still human, and they may just be in high school, but high schoolers can have adult problems. They, or people they know, may be dealing with eating disorders, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, violence at home or from a boyfriend, etc. They need someone they trust to talk things over with, and that might be with the individual leader, the group as a whole, or another peer in the group. It also means that if your daughter ever feels she needs to talk with someone, she’ll know that she can talk about her problems and feel supported. I suspect it was unpleasant for the leader to talk about her struggles with someone else, people usually don’t like to reveal their weaknesses, but she did it to help this girl. I’m sure you’d rather your daughter talk to you (like she did this time), but even if she does, she might also want an outside perspective, and if for any reason she feels she can’t, wouldn’t you want her to talk to someone? anyone?

Your daughter is 17. She’s not 7. If the leader had shared her own sexual fantasies or violent impulses, then I would agree it was a problem. But this was not only a problem that affects many teen girls, but one of them was looking to the group for help. Very soon, your daughter will be off to college, and will be exposed to things a lot more shocking than a discussion about eating disorders.

Instead of getting upset that the leader shared about her eating disorders, you could use it as a conversation opener about any struggles your daughter may be having (you might even talk about the struggles you’ve had and how you’ve dealt with them) and pray with your daughter for both the leader and the girl who are dealing with the eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Reality: Church youth groups are free babysitting so the adults can socialize without watching their many kids.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it's good that a young leader like this told the kids this? I mean, statistically, you've got a group of 20 teens, one of them is struggling with disordered eating, and now that one has someone she could go to for help.

I had many adults in my life like this as a kid - youth group leaders, camp counselors, coaches, adults in their 20s who I felt I could trust and relate to. Those were all really positive experiences. And honestly, there's a bunch of them I could have called if I was in a tough spot and didn't want to call my parents, and that's a good thing. "It takes a village" isn't just for babies and toddlers.

In fact, Haidt talks about this in The Anxious Generation - how kids used to have more of these types of role models and their disappearance is leaving something missing.

I get the concerns about sexual abuse, as that is a risk you need to be aware of, but just talking about tough stuff and their own experiences in this way? Seems like a good thing to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not exclusive to Church youth groups. There are issues in sports, summer camps and in regular high schools with teachers.

This has little to do with religion as it has to do with educating your young adults on how to best get guidance while watching for boundary issues.