How to handle long-distance friendship visits we’re not comfortable with?

[Anonymous]

You’re the parent. Say no.

[Anonymous]

My daughter and I were invited for a holiday weekend that turned out to be less than 12 hours.
My daughter was looking forward to it for weeks while I quietly had my reservations as the host mom reduced our time there. She had gotten some free tickets to a nearby museum there the next morning but didn't trust us in her house for two hours by ourselves so let us know that we had to leave the next morning.
I knew if I cancelled, my daughter would never let it go so I spent the money on expensive train tickets and dinner there. On the way back the next day my daughter said that it wasn't worth the trip. As I had suspected, she had to experience the early return in order to process how short the visit was.

Sometimes it is best for them to go thru the motions in order to understand the high investment of their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no. It’s ok. If the reasoning is you don’t like her influence I absolutely would not send her there for the weekend and wouldn’t want her at our house for the weekend either. It’s ok to say weekend trips aren’t going to happen.

+1 it’s not unreasonable to say no here. She lives too far away now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and I were invited for a holiday weekend that turned out to be less than 12 hours.
My daughter was looking forward to it for weeks while I quietly had my reservations as the host mom reduced our time there. She had gotten some free tickets to a nearby museum there the next morning but didn't trust us in her house for two hours by ourselves so let us know that we had to leave the next morning.
I knew if I cancelled, my daughter would never let it go so I spent the money on expensive train tickets and dinner there. On the way back the next day my daughter said that it wasn't worth the trip. As I had suspected, she had to experience the early return in order to process how short the visit was.

Sometimes it is best for them to go thru the motions in order to understand the high investment of their time.

When it involves mom’s time to help then understand (12 hours total of driving!) or an expensive train ticket, hell no.

[Anonymous]

Quit worrying about the quick weekend trip. What you really need to prepare for is when you're daughter is invited to visit for a week over summer. How will you handle that? I think you need to listen to your gut feeling. You don't think this girl is a good influence plus it sounds like you don't know the parents well enough to trust the home situation. Get ready to be firm. They'll drift apart soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Just keep saying no and give your honest reasons. It will fizzle out soon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and I were invited for a holiday weekend that turned out to be less than 12 hours.
My daughter was looking forward to it for weeks while I quietly had my reservations as the host mom reduced our time there. She had gotten some free tickets to a nearby museum there the next morning but didn't trust us in her house for two hours by ourselves so let us know that we had to leave the next morning.
I knew if I cancelled, my daughter would never let it go so I spent the money on expensive train tickets and dinner there. On the way back the next day my daughter said that it wasn't worth the trip. As I had suspected, she had to experience the early return in order to process how short the visit was.

Sometimes it is best for them to go thru the motions in order to understand the high investment of their time.

When it involves mom’s time to help then understand (12 hours total of driving!) or an expensive train ticket, hell no.

It was a good way to end let that friendship fade.
It has to come from the child.

[Anonymous]

You are way overthinking this. There is no need to make any blanket statements like that, but do say that you are not in a position to facilitate a weekend visit anytime soon. Tell her they can plan one over the summer and then just don’t put effort forth on it - let her plan, and do the follow up - like most tweens she probably won’t. Invite the girl to your house.

[Anonymous]

It's okay to just say "no we don't think she''s a good influence though you have a lot of fun with her, so the answer is no." And then if she brings it up you can just remind her she's already been given an answer. You don't need to convince her your answer should be hers, just that she needs to abide by yours.

[Anonymous]

Just be honest. “We aren’t comfortable taking you somewhere else for a whole weekend. But her parents can bring her here if you’d like her to stay with us.” That probably won’t happen so you’re off the hook then.

[Anonymous]

You're the parent say no.

Where is your child’s other parent? What are their thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My kid knows better to never ask for a sleep over. No sleepover till collages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one weekend - it won’t derail local friendships. And you could find out about the supervision provided if you tried.

If you’re that worried invite the friend to stay with you. You can supervise and have all the local friends over to see the visitor.

I’m sorry, I should have been more clear: I’m not driving 12 hours in one weekend so my DD can spend the night, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. But my 13yo doesn’t understand that reason because she’s thinking emotionally since her other friend has been multiple times, which, in and of itself I find bizarre.

That’s logical, but I am suspicious that it took you three tries to come up with that reason.

Your DD can probably sense that, whatever you claim, this is absolutely about you not liking the kid who moved away. (Which might be justified, of course, but you aren’t being up front with DD and she can tell.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you aren’t willing to drive 12 hours each way for this visit to drop her off and pick her up. That’s the truth and very far away. You don’t have to mention anything about supervision. I would not be willing to make a 12 hour road trip anywhere. Leave it at that.