18 year old already like a suburban dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a gen-z thing.

- New Balance shoes,
- Shop at TJ, Aldies, Lidl and Costco!!
- Wear hoodies/joggers mainly from Costco and other places. Three suits (blue, black, light gray) for weddings, blue/white/gray/pink/black shirts, many solid color ties.
- Haircuts from the mom and pop ethnic barber shops,
- Ok with thrifting (tools, pots and pans, garden equipment, golf club, party supplies),
- Always use apps when buying (even mcdonalds) that they can get freebies,
- First pay themselves - Roth, IRA, 401, Index funds etc,
- Hesitate to buy anything new.
- Balanced meals, drink a lot of warm beverages...
- But they will buy big slushie drinks
- Buy baked goods from Asian bakery
- Pack snacks when they are commuting to work for the car
- Have forbidden me to declutter and minimize anything before they can go through the hoard and then sell on FBMP.

Sounds a lot like my son (22). Frugal, focused on savings. His leisure time is hanging out with friends and girlfriend (sometimes bars but he thinks beer there is too expensive, sometimes board games), playing golf at a public course, fantasy football. We gave him money a couple birthdays ago to upgrade his clubs and he never got around to it because they are "fine." I doubt it since they are his grandfather's clubs and he's about 5 inches taller than grandpa was!

Yup, sounds like my son too. Will not pay $7 for beer at a bar, because he can source cheaper beer elsewhere. Knows how to cook his various "bowls" thanks to an awesome, very focussed, very sorted, super zen Korean-American friend who taught all of these guys how to cook up a storm and also how to feed themselves on a budget with just a portable butane burner.

Did not want a big fat graduation celebration (HS or College). Instead, took money from me and did different activities with different group of friends. So, very frugal.

And if we spend $$$$ money without researching, he yells at us for blowing away his "inheritance".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is exactly like that. Very odd as none of the rest of us are. We just try to love him for what he is, however boring that may be. The world needs a little weft to match the warp.

I think this says a lot. Most kids rebel against their parents and their strictures. If a parent is not strict and potentially out there, then the only way for a kid to rebel is to be the opposite.

OP here. I don’t know about that. I am definitely not permissive when it comes to things like drugs and drinking, but I do allow “freedoms” like letting DS drive a sports car sometimes and not helicoptering about school, grades, and ECs but part of that is I’m tired. I’m pretty normal suburban now but when I was in high school I was creative and artsy, tried marijauna, and was not at all sporty. DS is athletic.
I’m not complaining, just somewhat pleasantly surprised.

[Anonymous]

Are you white American, OP?

I am East Asian, and in our culture it is expected that our children will not rebel in any visible way.

I am confused by your surprise. Or is this is a weird humblebrag? Your message is not getting across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18 year old son is stereotypically masculine and straight & narrow, meaning no drinking or drugs, heterosexual, into cars & working out & his girlfriend. He’s already got the New Balance shoes but thankfully nowhere near a dad bod. How likely is this to change or will he just slide into being a suburban husband/dad after college? I feel like he’s 90 % there. Anyone else here with a son like this? He never really had an “experimental” phase of any sort.

Where do you live? My kid is kind of like that though plays a lot of golf and enjoys parties (but is an athlete so not drinking)...but neither he and none of his friends are into cars. We live in Bethesda and I would say none of us dads are into cars either as it's just not much of a thing anymore these days.

....In your area, you mean.

Plenty important in other areas.

No shit sherlock...that's why my first question to OP was where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are you white American, OP?

I am East Asian, and in our culture it is expected that our children will not rebel in any visible way.

I am confused by your surprise. Or is this is a weird humblebrag? Your message is not getting across.

Me again. But also, you equate "creative and artsy" and non-athletic with being quirky? Where do you place classical musicians, then? Performing arts in general? Is my teen daughter non-conforming because she rides on horseback, likes to play violin and paint watercolors? Athletes mean squeaky clean to you?

You don't seem to know what you're talking about, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are you white American, OP?

I am East Asian, and in our culture it is expected that our children will not rebel in any visible way.

I am confused by your surprise. Or is this is a weird humblebrag? Your message is not getting across.

Are you an actual immigrant (i.e., not even first generation)? Because, I guarantee by the 3rd generation, many East Asians act just like any other American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are you white American, OP?

I am East Asian, and in our culture it is expected that our children will not rebel in any visible way.

I am confused by your surprise. Or is this is a weird humblebrag? Your message is not getting across.

OP here. I am white, and in the time and place I grew up, most teens did rebel or experiment or seek adventures in some way, even small ways. So it is a little surprising.

[Anonymous]

If your son starts exhibiting signs like in the Progressive commercials, then you should get concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 year old son is stereotypically masculine and straight & narrow, meaning no drinking or drugs, heterosexual, into cars & working out & his girlfriend. He’s already got the New Balance shoes but thankfully nowhere near a dad bod. How likely is this to change or will he just slide into being a suburban husband/dad after college? I feel like he’s 90 % there. Anyone else here with a son like this? He never really had an “experimental” phase of any sort.

What do you prefer? A frat bro hooking up with new girls every few months, riding motorcycle, getting tattooed, drinking and driving, experimenting with weed, vaping etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18 year old son is stereotypically masculine and straight & narrow, meaning no drinking or drugs, heterosexual, into cars & working out & his girlfriend. He’s already got the New Balance shoes but thankfully nowhere near a dad bod. How likely is this to change or will he just slide into being a suburban husband/dad after college? I feel like he’s 90 % there. Anyone else here with a son like this? He never really had an “experimental” phase of any sort.

What do you prefer? A frat bro hooking up with new girls every few months, riding motorcycle, getting tattooed, drinking and driving, experimenting with weed, vaping etc?

Or turning into a soy boy?

[Anonymous]

He'll be fine. He doesn't have to follow whatever blueprint you imagined for his life. You did something right. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a gen-z thing.

- New Balance shoes,
- Shop at TJ, Aldies, Lidl and Costco!!
- Wear hoodies/joggers mainly from Costco and other places. Three suits (blue, black, light gray) for weddings, blue/white/gray/pink/black shirts, many solid color ties.
- Haircuts from the mom and pop ethnic barber shops,
- Ok with thrifting (tools, pots and pans, garden equipment, golf club, party supplies),
- Always use apps when buying (even mcdonalds) that they can get freebies,
- First pay themselves - Roth, IRA, 401, Index funds etc,
- Hesitate to buy anything new.
- Balanced meals, drink a lot of warm beverages...
- But they will buy big slushie drinks
- Buy baked goods from Asian bakery
- Pack snacks when they are commuting to work for the car
- Have forbidden me to declutter and minimize anything before they can go through the hoard and then sell on FBMP.

This is our son. He’s 23

[Anonymous]

I guess this could have been me when I was that age.

For me there's some degree to which it's reactionary. I have an older sibling who struggled with addiction in his teens and 20s (he's been sober for a long time now, but his best friend who I had know my whole life died young due to complications) and for me it seemed a better idea to just not even get close to that.

[Anonymous]

Lol we've been privately joking that 19yo is already a middle-aged suburban dad for a few years now, it's very sweet and honestly kind of a nice balance with our older dd who lives fairly exciting life that terrifies us at times. But ds is happy playing golf and poker with his buds, grilling up some burgers or steaks afterward, heading out on shopping errands with his girlfriend. And perhaps most importantly he seems quite content and has great friendly energy that serves him well in the world/at school/at work. So i'm all good with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are you white American, OP?

I am East Asian, and in our culture it is expected that our children will not rebel in any visible way.

I am confused by your surprise. Or is this is a weird humblebrag? Your message is not getting across.

Me again. But also, you equate "creative and artsy" and non-athletic with being quirky? Where do you place classical musicians, then? Performing arts in general? Is my teen daughter non-conforming because she rides on horseback, likes to play violin and paint watercolors? Athletes mean squeaky clean to you?

You don't seem to know what you're talking about, honestly.

I don’t think “artsy” means what you think it does.
When someone is talking about an “artsy” kid, they usually are not talking about a clean-cut classical musician. It is more likely to describe a kid with blue hair or scraggly look who isn’t into STEM or classical music. It has a very different meaning in 2026 than it did in the 90s or 00s.