Friend problems-its getting pretty insane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like you in a situation like this. What was really happening was that the other person was in the process descending into paranoia and mental illness plus alcoholism. She would never trust the answers and grew hostile over time. I had to end the relationship and so did others. She pushed people away. There was also no way to help her. When you say she's changed over the years, mental illness could be why.

This. 100%.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s time to write the friendship off. The big clue is when your responses or answers are never enough. It’s always going to be exhausting like that unless you make an exit and get away from toxicity.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. It sounds like she is giving you all the red flags you need to just moonwalk your way out of this friendship. Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime and it's totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not enough detail.

I will say that one thing I learned in couples therapy is that when your partner (or in this case friend) keeps bringing up the same issue over and over, it's usually an indication that they don't feel like you actually here or understand what they are saying. Not saying this is the issue here (again, impossible to say without more detail), but in my case I discovered in therapy that we had the following pattern:

Spouse: raises subject for 1000ty time
Me: why are we talking about this, repeat same response id given before (which I learned felt to my spouse like I was dismissing their experience and not considering their point of view)
Spouse: drops it, frustrated

Repeat every few months for several years.

Over time you are just playacting your respective roles in the little play and truly NOT listening to each other. In therapy, we were given new ways of addressing the issue (role reversal, writing each other letters, drawing analogies, and at one point charades, I s*** you not). The process led to greater empathy for one another and real understanding, and we finally genuinely moved on from it.

So I guess that's my only advice -- maybe you keep repeating this pattern because you aren't really listening to each other.

[Anonymous]

Weird