Aita for refusing baby shower from husband coworkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AITA for refusing a baby shower from my husband’s friends/coworkers?

I live in a state where I moved & don’t really have friends ( i have 2) mostly because I work remotely, and don’t go out much. My husband is more social than I am , I have met his coworkers/friends multiple times in group settings, they are all very nice. I have never hung out with them without him. Now that im pregnant one of them offered to throw a baby shower at her house for me & to celebrate my husbands promotion. I told my husband if they want to celebrate his promotion & have a get together that’s totally fine but i would feel awkward and uncomfortable to have a baby shower with people im not necessarily close to. His perspective is that im putting on barriers and because i met them multiple times n they are his friends/coworkers i should feel comfortable. I feel like a baby shower is so intimate and you usually want to have friends, family. I appreciate the gesture but i would feel so weird n uncomfortable at someone’s house while they are hosting a party for me and im not super close to them. Am i wrong here?

Not because you don't go out or work remotely, it's because you rebuff attempts or offers to spend some time with people who could potentially become friends.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being rude. They are trying to welcome and celebrate.

[Anonymous]

I can see why you don't have any friends

[Anonymous]

My only baby shower was with my husband's work. We went to a restaurant lunch and they gave us a few cute inexpensive gifts.

I didn't know any of them but I enjoyed it and I'm glad I did it.

I didn't have a girl's shower because while I do have friends and family, they were scattered all over the US. And of my coworker friends, a number of them had been transferred overseas the year I was pregnant.

I think it's best to accept kindnesses offered. I would agree with specifying no games. But this sounds more like a hangout party than a super girly, gimmicky shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are wrong. They are recognizing that you’re new to the area and kindly offering to celebrate your pregnancy as a welcoming gesture. I would accept graciously.

Now, it is ok if you say, “this is so kind, thank you, but I prefer to keep it low key - please no games” or something like that

This. I do think you’re wrong. Lean into the anxiety. You are about to have a kid which pulls you out into the world. You will need to connect with others in order to stay sane whether through play dates, outings at the park, birthday parties, school events, etc. Might as well start now. You can do this.

Yes I agree with this. You can use this as an opportunity to graciously accept a gift (of the party). And I completely agree that you need to get over your social anxiety once you have a kid, because they will need a community.

[Anonymous]

They want to buy you shower gifts. I would do it.

[Anonymous]

You are not a A%%hole but I do think youre being a bit rude yes.
Theyre trying to do something nice, be gracious.

You can be social for 2-3 hours.

[Anonymous]

You're going to be there anyways for a party. Just let them bring you gifts. You can ask for no games or whatever has turned you off so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a A%%hole but I do think youre being a bit rude yes.
Theyre trying to do something nice, be gracious.

You can be social for 2-3 hours.

She has to be social anyways because even if she says no, they are throwing a party for her husband. Honestly, I'd be worried how this would reflect on your DH if you said no.

[Anonymous]

Have your DH tell the party planner that you are not into games or too much attention focused on you and to keep the baby shower part casual.

[Anonymous]

Isn't the shower for him too? I'd leave it up to him.

[Anonymous]

I hate baby showers, didn't want them myself (but went along with them), but they are often coed these days, and it sounds like this one is essentially for both of you. So the point that it should be an intimate event for your family/friends doesn't really seem to make sense here.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about AH but I think you should have a better attitude and a willingness to participate, especially if your DH would be happy about it.

[Anonymous]

That's so kind of them to do.

They are having a party anyway, just go along, and you need more of a community.

I moved to an area where I barely know anyone and work remotely and it's isolating.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are TA. I say this as a socially awkward introvert who also does not come from a culture where baby showers are really a thing (my mom didn’t come to mine, she lives far away, and this totally makes sense to us and is totally fine and normal).

You are pushing away joy and well wishes.

They want to give you presents to try to make the really hard early months a little easier, prettier, happier. Be grateful!

If they’re using you as an excuse to party, great! Less focus on you, let them hang out but also make it a pretty afternoon w some presents for your family.

Your husband has to work w these people. What a bummer to know his wife was such a downer right off the bat. Maybe he won’t fit in w our company culture as well as we thought. Let’s maybe rethinking including him on that group text.

You also have the best ever get out of jail free card for leaving things early—-you’ll be pregnant! So if you are starting to feel tired and need to rest, everyone will understand, and they can continue the party without you guys. All great.