Aita for refusing baby shower from husband coworkers

[Anonymous]

AITA for refusing a baby shower from my husband’s friends/coworkers?

I live in a state where I moved & don’t really have friends ( i have 2) mostly because I work remotely, and don’t go out much. My husband is more social than I am , I have met his coworkers/friends multiple times in group settings, they are all very nice. I have never hung out with them without him. Now that im pregnant one of them offered to throw a baby shower at her house for me & to celebrate my husbands promotion. I told my husband if they want to celebrate his promotion & have a get together that’s totally fine but i would feel awkward and uncomfortable to have a baby shower with people im not necessarily close to. His perspective is that im putting on barriers and because i met them multiple times n they are his friends/coworkers i should feel comfortable. I feel like a baby shower is so intimate and you usually want to have friends, family. I appreciate the gesture but i would feel so weird n uncomfortable at someone’s house while they are hosting a party for me and im not super close to them. Am i wrong here?

[Anonymous]

It’s not that big of a deal. A shower CAN be intimate but can also be more casual. Let them throw the shower. It’s also about your husband, not just you, and it’s good for you to get to know his coworkers better. It’s also nice to celebrate the baby and get gifts.

I vote for letting them do it. They don’t need to be your soulmates for you to let them throw a shower.

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree with OP.
I would not want a husband's buddy group or his posse at my baby shower.

I also think baby showers are a bad idea unless in the last month or so.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes, despite coming from a culture that doesn't do baby showers.

My coworkers threw me a mini one: it didn't take them much time or effort, so in my mind, it was just the right level of attention, It was a casual get-together with a few gifts for the baby, ice cream bar, and benign chit chat about babies. My childless, male, boss was there, and most of my male and female coworkers at the time were childless too. I think they were just excited about a baby!

I don't understand why you'd risk alienating people your husband works with, in a place where you don't have your own friends and don't go out much.

Please don't make a faux-pas.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're wrong, it's kind of OTT on their part honestly, but it sounds like your husband will be there and maybe it's not so much about throwing you a baby shower, but that they wanted to do something for his promotion but then felt like it should also include you and your baby, which is a nice gesture, I think, and with him there it will probably be fine.

If you're inclined to go I think you can either just not consider it "your baby shower" and just a party for your husband where they will also give you some baby gifts, or you can lean into it a bit and have your husband ask if he can invite your two friends. I guess his co-workers know that you just moved and you work remotely, so they are trying to be nice.

Generally though I would expect them to have celebrated this with your husband at the office (we've collected gifts and had showers in the conference room with just the dad) so it is kind of overstepping a bit and you're not wrong to feel like it's awkward.

[Anonymous]

It's not that deep they don't want you to feel left out. You can rsvp no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes, despite coming from a culture that doesn't do baby showers.

My coworkers threw me a mini one: it didn't take them much time or effort, so in my mind, it was just the right level of attention, It was a casual get-together with a few gifts for the baby, ice cream bar, and benign chit chat about babies. My childless, male, boss was there, and most of my male and female coworkers at the time were childless too. I think they were just excited about a baby!

I don't understand why you'd risk alienating people your husband works with, in a place where you don't have your own friends and don't go out much.

Please don't make a faux-pas.

That’s different. I would be more comfortable if this was an office shower , thats very casual. This is an ex coworker he hasnt worked with in years offering to host a whole party at her house , cooking n everything so i dont consider it low effort

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're wrong, it's kind of OTT on their part honestly, but it sounds like your husband will be there and maybe it's not so much about throwing you a baby shower, but that they wanted to do something for his promotion but then felt like it should also include you and your baby, which is a nice gesture, I think, and with him there it will probably be fine.

If you're inclined to go I think you can either just not consider it "your baby shower" and just a party for your husband where they will also give you some baby gifts, or you can lean into it a bit and have your husband ask if he can invite your two friends. I guess his co-workers know that you just moved and you work remotely, so they are trying to be nice.

Generally though I would expect them to have celebrated this with your husband at the office (we've collected gifts and had showers in the conference room with just the dad) so it is kind of overstepping a bit and you're not wrong to feel like it's awkward.

I told him im okay with them celebrating him and hosting a party for him. I just dont want the attention on me, i have social anxiety. But he doesn’t want the party just for him n his promotion

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. I wouldn’t want all that fuss with basically strangers. That said, once the baby is born, co-workers may send a gift via your DH and that’s fine.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes. It is a good way to get to know them through the process of planning. They sound really nice for thinking of you.

How are going to make friends if you don’t try?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AITA for refusing a baby shower from my husband’s friends/coworkers?

I live in a state where I moved & don’t really have friends ( i have 2) mostly because I work remotely, and don’t go out much. My husband is more social than I am , I have met his coworkers/friends multiple times in group settings, they are all very nice. I have never hung out with them without him. Now that im pregnant one of them offered to throw a baby shower at her house for me & to celebrate my husbands promotion. I told my husband if they want to celebrate his promotion & have a get together that’s totally fine but i would feel awkward and uncomfortable to have a baby shower with people im not necessarily close to. His perspective is that im putting on barriers and because i met them multiple times n they are his friends/coworkers i should feel comfortable. I feel like a baby shower is so intimate and you usually want to have friends, family. I appreciate the gesture but i would feel so weird n uncomfortable at someone’s house while they are hosting a party for me and im not super close to them. Am i wrong here?

How old are they Op and are there many women at his workplace? A man at my job has a pregnant wife right now and there’s nada, zero, zilch info coming in about progress or preparations. It’s really most about you they just want to celebrate a baby.

[Anonymous]

*not about you

[Anonymous]

Yes you are wrong. They are recognizing that you’re new to the area and kindly offering to celebrate your pregnancy as a welcoming gesture. I would accept graciously.

Now, it is ok if you say, “this is so kind, thank you, but I prefer to keep it low key - please no games” or something like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are wrong. They are recognizing that you’re new to the area and kindly offering to celebrate your pregnancy as a welcoming gesture. I would accept graciously.

Now, it is ok if you say, “this is so kind, thank you, but I prefer to keep it low key - please no games” or something like that

This. I do think you’re wrong. Lean into the anxiety. You are about to have a kid which pulls you out into the world. You will need to connect with others in order to stay sane whether through play dates, outings at the park, birthday parties, school events, etc. Might as well start now. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

There will be a party either way. They will be buying you gifts whether now or after the baby is born. I wanted zero games at my baby shower and communicated that and there was no issue.