how responsible should we be for parent's weekend companionship?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

I'm the SIL in this scenario, although it's my dad and he's older. I just don't want him to be lonely, and he's most comfortable when he's with family. He doesn't need entertainment . . . just to be not alone. My brother and SIL step up when I can't, and I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave it to your husband. But I think what you aren't grasping is that MIL wants to see her son. Yes she can drive to a casino or join a club or whatever. But that is not the same thing as seeing her beloved son.

Why can’t she drive to her son who likely has a job and kids and house stuff on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

I would let your husband talk to his sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave it to your husband. But I think what you aren't grasping is that MIL wants to see her son. Yes she can drive to a casino or join a club or whatever. But that is not the same thing as seeing her beloved son.

Why can’t she drive to her son who likely has a job and kids and house stuff on the weekends.

I’m sure OP won’t allow that since she’s so bent out of shape that he’s been asked to visit once.

OP’s husband should just be seeing his mom regularly without his sister needing to gatekeep. Sister is probably frustrated that her brother can’t be bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

This! Drop the rope. Your husband should be managing his own relationship with his mother (and his sister).

[Anonymous]

Send DH to entertain her. She doesn’t need you and would rather spend time with only her son I am sure. Send the kids if they are too young to mind. Have a day to yourself.

I have a father and a sibling but luckily my sibling doesn’t feel the need to boss me around saying how much I need to see our father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't any of you *get* missing a child?

But what if the child doesn’t miss a boring 80 yo person even if she is his mother? How much and how long is it acceptable to burden adult children with parental presence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't any of you *get* missing a child?

But what if the child doesn’t miss a boring 80 yo person even if she is his mother? How much and how long is it acceptable to burden adult children with parental presence?

I’m sure changing your diapers was a delight first however many years, and each of your activities was a thrill. Burdening with parental presence? Come ON.

[Anonymous]

It is not surprising that the daughter is sensitive to her parents needs but not the son. I have seen it over and over that the daughter drives hours to visit mom regularly at the senior home but the local son does not.

However, here the OP is feeling burdened by the request, perhaps because she feels the obligation more than her husband. And perhaps because the husband would be a dud of a host on his own.

That is the problem with most sons.

[Anonymous]

I would think SIL wants your DH to take more responsibility in general, and she thinks he will motivate for this because it's a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

OP here. Thanks to you both for the supportive words. I ignored the haters and soaked in the wisdom of folks like you who have opinions worth hearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

OP here. Thanks to you both for the supportive words. I ignored the haters and soaked in the wisdom of folks like you who have opinions worth hearing.

You asked for advice but only wanted validation. People that gave you advice you didn’t like aren’t haters.