Still want me in the room to fall asleep at almost 10. Will she grow out of this?

[Anonymous]

Have you tried to wean her off this? Our DD was similarly anxious and would wake up at night and need dad to hold her until she fell back asleep. it helped if we gave her something that smelled like him! So we would put her to bed with his Tshirt from the night before. When he traveled, she’d just take his pillow into her room. Sounds ridiculous, but it did the trick.

Maybe tell her that you can stay tonight for 10 minutes and then you’ll go take your “phone call,” but will leave her with your Tshirt to cuddle as she falls aleep. Just wean her down gradually.

[Anonymous]

She will grow out of it. But, use this time to build up good communications with her and inform her about the various challenges people face in life because of missteps. Teach her how to spot trouble, danger, and toxic situations. Teach her how to become resilient and smart. What skills to develop etc. Give her all the emotional support that she needs.

You are lucky. Your kid is bonded to you and will be receptive to your wisdom at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was great at falling asleep on her own until she was about 7.5. At that age, she became more aware of the fact that people die and she also became more aware of things like robbery (thanks to books, movies, friends, etc.). Her anxiety seemed age-appropriate at 7.5 and I thought it would be short-lived…. so I was fine with complying with her request that I stay in her room until she fell asleep.

It’s been about 2 years and she’s still scared to fall asleep without me in her room. She does fine at sleepovers when sharing a room with a friend, but when we are home, she always asks me to stay with her until she’s asleep. Her anxiety does not seem to bleed into the day—she has no issues separating for school, play dates, etc.

I’ve talked to her about it and she’s asked that we continue this routine until she “feels ready.” I’m fine with our arrangement—it’s nice to chat with her and snuggle at the end of the day—but should I push her to build this skill now? I don’t want want thwart her development/independence, but I’m also fine continuing to stay with her if she’s going to outgrow this in the next year or two on her own. Thoughts?

She knows how to play you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s absolutely fine. Almost 10 is still really little, and ages 9-11 are hard years for girls. She will probably grow out of it by middle school.

Ten years is not little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid isn’t scared but still wants a bedtime routine with me at age 14. She wants me to help her pick out her outfit and then read to her while she “does her skincare routine.” At her age, this goes on until 9:30-10. So, you never know.

That said, this really sounds like you are enabling anxiety. And that isn’t the preferred strategy at this point for anxiety in kids. Maybe do some reading about SPACE and other anxiety approaches to decide what you want to do.

I mean I don't disagree but don't you think picking outfits and reading to a kid while they do their skincare routine at 14 is just as enabling, or more?

As long as she doesn’t overreact when you can’t do it for some reason, this sounds like a lovely bonding time.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t mind it, what does it matter what we think? Do what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She will grow out of it. But, use this time to build up good communications with her and inform her about the various challenges people face in life because of missteps. Teach her how to spot trouble, danger, and toxic situations. Teach her how to become resilient and smart. What skills to develop etc. Give her all the emotional support that she needs.

You are lucky. Your kid is bonded to you and will be receptive to your wisdom at this age.

That’s insane. Using bedtime as freak-your-kid-out about the outside world anxiety hour is nuts. Let the kid go to sleep with some nice thoughts instead of paranoia!

[Anonymous]

You can say you need to clean in the kitchen etc but that you will check in on her in 5 or 10 minutes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I be doing that at her age. I can’t believe you are okay with it.

Well, you are a POS parent and OP is not. So, not apples to apples comparison.

Why? Because I don’t cater to my child? A child that age with this much anxiety is one who needs professional help. The OP isn’t getting that help but she is catering to a behavior that is not normal for that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid isn’t scared but still wants a bedtime routine with me at age 14. She wants me to help her pick out her outfit and then read to her while she “does her skincare routine.” At her age, this goes on until 9:30-10. So, you never know.

That said, this really sounds like you are enabling anxiety. And that isn’t the preferred strategy at this point for anxiety in kids. Maybe do some reading about SPACE and other anxiety approaches to decide what you want to do.

I mean I don't disagree but don't you think picking outfits and reading to a kid while they do their skincare routine at 14 is just as enabling, or more?

Maybe, but it isn’t enabling anxiety. This is when she tells me all kinds of things so I’m a little loathe to give it up. Think of this as a substitute for sitting down to a family meal since that isn’t really happening due to activities.

And I’m not actually picking her outfits. She is 14 so she wants to hear me give her 2-3 ideas that she can say are terrible to then pick on her own what she was probably planning to wear all along. Good times, I tell you, good times.

This sounds really sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I be doing that at her age. I can’t believe you are okay with it.

Well, you are a POS parent and OP is not. So, not apples to apples comparison.

Why? Because I don’t cater to my child? A child that age with this much anxiety is one who needs professional help. The OP isn’t getting that help but she is catering to a behavior that is not normal for that age.

You are definitely a busy working parent that doesn’t have time to deal with her kids. I bet your baby slept in her room from day one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I be doing that at her age. I can’t believe you are okay with it.

Well, you are a POS parent and OP is not. So, not apples to apples comparison.

Why? Because I don’t cater to my child? A child that age with this much anxiety is one who needs professional help. The OP isn’t getting that help but she is catering to a behavior that is not normal for that age.

It is perfectly ok behavior and her kid will grow out of it at her own pace.

PP, no need to be so boastful that you don't cater to your child. Kids who are pushed for these inconsequential things will later turn out to be the dregs of the society that the rest of us have to endure. So, do better as a mom.

[Anonymous]

I slept in bed with my mom or sister until puberty (around 12/13).

This is normal in many cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I be doing that at her age. I can’t believe you are okay with it.

Well, you are a POS parent and OP is not. So, not apples to apples comparison.

Why? Because I don’t cater to my child? A child that age with this much anxiety is one who needs professional help. The OP isn’t getting that help but she is catering to a behavior that is not normal for that age.

You are definitely a busy working parent that doesn’t have time to deal with her kids. I bet your baby slept in her room from day one.

DP. I actually disagree with the poster and think this what the OP posted is normal, but you are insecure about not having a job. Maybe you sense your DH is unfavorably comparing you to interesting women at his job (I know someone who is going through this so that's why it's the first explanation of your insecurity that came to mind).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid isn’t scared but still wants a bedtime routine with me at age 14. She wants me to help her pick out her outfit and then read to her while she “does her skincare routine.” At her age, this goes on until 9:30-10. So, you never know.

That said, this really sounds like you are enabling anxiety. And that isn’t the preferred strategy at this point for anxiety in kids. Maybe do some reading about SPACE and other anxiety approaches to decide what you want to do.

I mean I don't disagree but don't you think picking outfits and reading to a kid while they do their skincare routine at 14 is just as enabling, or more?

As long as she doesn’t overreact when you can’t do it for some reason, this sounds like a lovely bonding time.

+1 This sounds so nice and I can only hope my DD is this close to me when she gets older. I had a friend whose mom read to her all through late high school; to this date, they have a close and warm relationship. And my friend is now a very independent adult.