Snooping on your kids…

[Anonymous]

OP, feeling guilty = you are less likely to snoop
Don't over think it. You are turning-it over in your mind, the "what if" this or that. That's the worst way to be. You're not even living in the moment - your brain is trying to find/invent/anticipate drama. Stop.

[Anonymous]

I don't purposely go looking. But if I find something, so be it. Kids need safe places to vent about their parents. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I read my daughter's school emails (she gave me her password and she knows I look at it - she has some anxiety and this is part of me helping with her schoolwork) and I am allowed to read her text messages (because we own the phone) but I rarely do. I would never read her journal, though. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 y/o DD gets good grades and is an all-around good kid for the most part. she's not a problem child. She is typical... sibling rivalry at times, frustrated being told no, hates that she doesn't always get her way, etc.

Now, this morning, I was doing their laundry. I went into the bedroom she shares with her 12 y/o sister and noticed her bed was a bit messy, so I went to make it a bit neater, since there seemed to be a lot of stuff under her covers. I discovered 3 pillows (I don't know why she needs so many... but whatever). - So I go to straighten them up and I discover a blanket folded up under the pillows. I pulled it out to put it back in the closet and her journal fell out of it. OK. So, I’m standing there with her journal in my hand. I opened it up. There weren't things in there that were too terrible, though she did go on a swearing rant about something that made her mad, but she knows better than to ever let me hear her swear.

But now I feel terribly guilty about my snooping. Would somebody out there please help me feel better about this? I do believe we need to keep an eye on our kids and who they are when they're not with us because like it or not, they only show us what they want us to see. Anyway, I didn't mean to do it. My mission in entering her room was innocent enough. So it's not like I went in to snoop.

So my question: Do you snoop on your kids? and then... what if I find something really disturbing in the coming years? I don’t want her to hide things from me, but if I found out she was kissing boys (or worse, other girls) or doing drugs, having sex, etc. I may have to come clean and tell her I know about it because I snooped just so I can address the behavior.

Let's talk about the bolded, OP. Why is it worse if she's kissing girls? Why is kissing boys or girls on par with doing drugs?

[Anonymous]

My kids know that I may, at any time, look through anything... do I do it, sometimes, but fairly rarely...

[Anonymous]

Ugh. With that attitude she certainly won't come to you with questions about sexual activity or sexual orientation. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

No, I would never read someone's journal. I am in my late 40s and still don't trust my stepmom because she was such a snoop when I was in high school. I was not a bad kid. She was like reading diaries and going through personal mail. Just the worst.

Trust is what you need to develop with your child. You would be shocked at how much they tell you on their own if you have a close relationship. Snooping guarantees that they hide stuff from you and you can only access it with more snooping. Then they hate you.

[Anonymous]

I think the snooping is ok

I dont think its ok you think kissing girls is worse than kissing boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am all for snooping. I look at it this way snooping could save their life one day. How would you feel if you did not snoop and found out too late that they were doing drugs or being pressured into something they did not want to do? I have 2 teenage girls and I have no problem snooping once and a while. I call it cleaning their bedroom though! I trust my girls, but I also know that their is a lot of peer pressure at this age and I would like to feel I have done everything I could to keep them safe.

Honestly, same. That is IF you are good at it. Like put everything back *exactly* as you found it.

If school shooters’ parents snooped, things would probably be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 y/o DD gets good grades and is an all-around good kid for the most part. she's not a problem child. She is typical... sibling rivalry at times, frustrated being told no, hates that she doesn't always get her way, etc.

Now, this morning, I was doing their laundry. I went into the bedroom she shares with her 12 y/o sister and noticed her bed was a bit messy, so I went to make it a bit neater, since there seemed to be a lot of stuff under her covers. I discovered 3 pillows (I don't know why she needs so many... but whatever). - So I go to straighten them up and I discover a blanket folded up under the pillows. I pulled it out to put it back in the closet and her journal fell out of it. OK. So, I’m standing there with her journal in my hand. I opened it up. There weren't things in there that were too terrible, though she did go on a swearing rant about something that made her mad, but she knows better than to ever let me hear her swear.

But now I feel terribly guilty about my snooping. Would somebody out there please help me feel better about this? I do believe we need to keep an eye on our kids and who they are when they're not with us because like it or not, they only show us what they want us to see. Anyway, I didn't mean to do it. My mission in entering her room was innocent enough. So it's not like I went in to snoop.

So my question: Do you snoop on your kids? and then... what if I find something really disturbing in the coming years? I don’t want her to hide things from me, but if I found out she was kissing boys (or worse, other girls) or doing drugs, having sex, etc. I may have to come clean and tell her I know about it because I snooped just so I can address the behavior.

Let's talk about the bolded, OP. Why is it worse if she's kissing girls? Why is kissing boys or girls on par with doing drugs?

Honestly. Frankly, I’d be relieved if my DD didn’t want anything to do with boys.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in therapy and I have read her journal from time to time, but only when I felt she was really going through something and I was worried. I don't do it regularly, by any means. What I looked for were recurring themes more than snapshots of a passing mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 y/o DD gets good grades and is an all-around good kid for the most part. she's not a problem child. She is typical... sibling rivalry at times, frustrated being told no, hates that she doesn't always get her way, etc.

Now, this morning, I was doing their laundry. I went into the bedroom she shares with her 12 y/o sister and noticed her bed was a bit messy, so I went to make it a bit neater, since there seemed to be a lot of stuff under her covers. I discovered 3 pillows (I don't know why she needs so many... but whatever). - So I go to straighten them up and I discover a blanket folded up under the pillows. I pulled it out to put it back in the closet and her journal fell out of it. OK. So, I’m standing there with her journal in my hand. I opened it up. There weren't things in there that were too terrible, though she did go on a swearing rant about something that made her mad, but she knows better than to ever let me hear her swear.

But now I feel terribly guilty about my snooping. Would somebody out there please help me feel better about this? I do believe we need to keep an eye on our kids and who they are when they're not with us because like it or not, they only show us what they want us to see. Anyway, I didn't mean to do it. My mission in entering her room was innocent enough. So it's not like I went in to snoop.

So my question: Do you snoop on your kids? and then... what if I find something really disturbing in the coming years? I don’t want her to hide things from me, but if I found out she was kissing boys (or worse, other girls) or doing drugs, having sex, etc. I may have to come clean and tell her I know about it because I snooped just so I can address the behavior.

Let's talk about the bolded, OP. Why is it worse if she's kissing girls? Why is kissing boys or girls on par with doing drugs?

Thank you! An entire page of replies ignoring the homophobia.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't read journals. I know my mom and my siblings did this to me and it is not a good feeling. It is one thing if you are really concerned about something. It's another if you are snooping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am all for snooping. I look at it this way snooping could save their life one day. How would you feel if you did not snoop and found out too late that they were doing drugs or being pressured into something they did not want to do? I have 2 teenage girls and I have no problem snooping once and a while. I call it cleaning their bedroom though! I trust my girls, but I also know that their is a lot of peer pressure at this age and I would like to feel I have done everything I could to keep them safe.

Honestly, same. That is IF you are good at it. Like put everything back *exactly* as you found it.

If school shooters’ parents snooped, things would probably be different.

Hopefully when you get busted by your kid and they lose all trust in you, you can just let them know that they were showing signs of joining the Trenchcoat Mafia so you wanted to make sure everything was ok. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 y/o DD gets good grades and is an all-around good kid for the most part. she's not a problem child. She is typical... sibling rivalry at times, frustrated being told no, hates that she doesn't always get her way, etc.

Now, this morning, I was doing their laundry. I went into the bedroom she shares with her 12 y/o sister and noticed her bed was a bit messy, so I went to make it a bit neater, since there seemed to be a lot of stuff under her covers. I discovered 3 pillows (I don't know why she needs so many... but whatever). - So I go to straighten them up and I discover a blanket folded up under the pillows. I pulled it out to put it back in the closet and her journal fell out of it. OK. So, I’m standing there with her journal in my hand. I opened it up. There weren't things in there that were too terrible, though she did go on a swearing rant about something that made her mad, but she knows better than to ever let me hear her swear.

But now I feel terribly guilty about my snooping. Would somebody out there please help me feel better about this? I do believe we need to keep an eye on our kids and who they are when they're not with us because like it or not, they only show us what they want us to see. Anyway, I didn't mean to do it. My mission in entering her room was innocent enough. So it's not like I went in to snoop.

So my question: Do you snoop on your kids? and then... what if I find something really disturbing in the coming years? I don’t want her to hide things from me, but if I found out she was kissing boys (or worse, other girls) or doing drugs, having sex, etc. I may have to come clean and tell her I know about it because I snooped just so I can address the behavior.

No.

That is a violation of trust. Full stop. My mother read my diary, snooped in my room, listened in on phone calls. I'm still mad about it, and recognize that it was a sign of her lack of trustworthiness.