People Who Are Nosey about your Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what context are people asking that? Never had anyone ask before

My cousin married a French guy and I was really taken aback when, on a night out, the first time we met each other, he asked both how much I pay in rent and what my salary is. I answered the first and just said "five figures" for the second question. Apparently French people are more open about money than Americans.

Not at all. I'm French. None of my French friends would ever ask this question. It's not done. However Americans are seen as very open and casual by many people around the world, so I think he thought he could ask an American.

Please don't get the wrong idea.

[Anonymous]

Never had anyone ask this except financial advisor and I don’t even tell them the truth.

[Anonymous]

No one has ever asked me. I talk with my younger sister a bit but only to help her with her own financial planning. I dont know people who ask these questions, though. I don't even know how much my parents have other than “mre than enough, we promise we won't be a burden.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s a good comeback for nosey people who ask how much money you have saved? If I ask them why they want to know, they never explain why they want to know how much retirement money I have. It makes me suspect they want to borrow money from me in the future. How do I shut it down so they don’t ask ever again?

Haven’t experienced this. I imagine I might just look and blink and ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people? Family members or your co-workers? I would answer, “ Hopefully, enough”.

I wouldn’t answer this of a family member either.

[Anonymous]

The older relative who asks about my money is digging for gossip. She has bad intentions. She also lies about her own money situation.

[Anonymous]

“Are you offering me funding?”

[Anonymous]

Hopefully enough is good. If they persist, “What an interesting question, I should check the latest balance.” And then steer the conversation to something else.

[Anonymous]

It's obnoxious in our case because people know my husband lost both his parents on the younger side (early 60s), his Dad to COVID and his mom to a sudden aggressive cancer.

They were smart responsible people who had saved to live into their 90s. They had so many plans to travel. And then they just died. My husband thought they would have wanted some specific stuff for the kids, so we spent the money on that and then put aside for their college. And we have taken the kids on some of those trips grandma and grandpa dreamed about.

To be clear, I very much and my husband even more so wishes we didn't have this money. And asking how much we got from them is just so gross.

[Anonymous]

I'm close to 3 million. I'm poor compared to everyone else in my social circle. I doubt they care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what context are people asking that? Never had anyone ask before

My cousin married a French guy and I was really taken aback when, on a night out, the first time we met each other, he asked both how much I pay in rent and what my salary is. I answered the first and just said "five figures" for the second question. Apparently French people are more open about money than Americans.

I am married to a Parisian for almost 30 year. Your generalization, based on one person, is not correct. The French, especially Millenials and older, are not open about their money nor do they discuss it on a widespread scale. There is a genera distrust of someone asking you such a personal question (and it would be considered personal). Much of that can probably be tied to being raised by Boomers and older who were raised to be suspicious of neighbors and the government (steaming back from WW2 when neighbors turned on each other). My in-laws are spread all over France, and they all seem like this.

My Gen Z and younger in-laws don't have much money to even discuss.

[Anonymous]

I've never been asked this specific question, but I have been asked very forward (aka rude) questions about my finances or personal life before. I think some people just don't care if they offend and take a chance you'll answer. In my case, it was 100% done so they could judge and gossip about it.

I struggle with how to respond because my knee jerk reaction to most questions is just to answer truthfully, and it's hard to disrupt that.

I've been working on the whole "answer a question with a question" thing and trying to remember to always just say "Why do you ask?" It's good because it's usually a fair question -- they are asking something personal that really doesn't impact them at all, so.... why?

When I remember to respond this way, people almost always say "oh no reason, just curious" and then it dies and I don't answer. Very occasionally they'll have a reason that actually makes sense (like in OP's case, maybe they would say "I only just got started saving for retirement and I'm trying to figure out how far behind I am or what's normal for people my age"). And in that case I might answer! But asking "why do you ask?" gives me time to mull it over and decide if I want to respond or if I want to give a more general or more specific answer.

[Anonymous]

Most people would consider intrusive questions about a person’s money to be very rude and weird, even if it’s family. Look out for the bad intentions behind it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Not enough, haha!"

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people? Family members or your co-workers? I would answer, “ Hopefully, enough”.

I wouldn’t answer this of a family member either.

Agree, why being a family member wouldn’t make any difference? It doesn’t.