Chalking up bad behavior to old age vs….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They were always this way but it’s now amplified. I can’t even tell my husband the stuff that they say because it’s embarrassing because his parents are nothing like this. It would he easier if it were dementia—knowing these sector “normal” personalities is hard. No one in their right mind would want to be around this behavior. In a way it’s very sad to see this is how they’re going to spend their last years because so awful.

OP that's what happened with my mom. The thing is I saw the really nasty side growing up too because she wasn't meant to be a mom and she never learned how to manage difficult feelings. I was parentified, but I knew how to work it to keep her demons at bay. She was at her most pleasant when dad was working, the nest was empty and they travelled and socialized often. During the day she had endless me, me, me time to pamper herself. Then with age, the demons became harder to hide. She became extremely abusive with me when my husband was ill and I could not be her pacifier anymore. Over time, I set firm boundaries and I have long hostile letters/emails and texts telling me what a selfish B I am. Eventually she accepted things and started lashing out at others which led to doctors firing her and/or kicking her out, aides refusing to work with her when she was released from the hospital, friends distancing themselves (the ones who didn't die) and neighbors avoiding her. Even my husband was shocked at just how tyrannical she became.

Anxiety meds help her when she hits rock bottom. She can be quite pleasant on them but won't stay on them. Anytime she ends up in the hospital they have to use chemical restraints so that doctors can stand to help her. She is sooooo sweet and lovely when doped up.

I am petrified of becoming like her! I hope I will have the common sense to medicate if I notice myself lashing out.

Do your parents throw verbal daggard at you filled with your every insecurity used as a weapon? Fun times. Outsourcing helps!

[Anonymous]

Have your parents always been like this?
Or is this relatively new behavior brought on by old age??

If your children are being negatively impacted - - I wouldn’t expose them to your parents.
No good can come out of them having a relationship w/their grandparents.
Sounds to me like they (and you as well sadly) are much much better off w/out their presence in your lives.