Desirability and Aging

[Anonymous]

I’m 52F, divorced at 47. If you want to date (big if, it’s ugly out there, totally fine to decide you’re happier without it, but if), you cannot give up on your own desirability. Most good (non abuser) people don’t want to date someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves. I advise you to reframe desirability in an age appropriate way. Staying fit and wearing flattering clothes go a long way. Color your hair and keep it well styled. Etc. do things in your control (and I don’t mean plastic surgery!) and know you are doing your best. Some guys will look past you, a lot of them want younger and tighter, but not all of them, and you don’t want them anyway. I have found a few good guys my age that will accept signs of aging in exchange for what we have in common - parent:kid issues, musical tastes, cultural references, etc. currently dating one and we regularly joke about the sugar cereals we ate (or weren’t allowed to eat) in the 70s 😂

[Anonymous]

PP what do you mean about how it's ugly out there? Like the men are not attractive? They are not good people? It's difficult to find dates?

[Anonymous]

My mother was divorced but fending off men into her 60s. Men never get bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP what do you mean about how it's ugly out there? Like the men are not attractive? They are not good people? It's difficult to find dates?

IME dating is a lot of work and mostly not a good experience. Obviously I’m dating someone now so it isn’t impossible, but in the last 3-4 years I would usually turn on an app (hinge or bumble) for 2-3 months, get totally disgusted and discouraged and pause it and enjoy my life as is, and then start up again. I just got lucky last time (and truthfully I like my guy but I dont think he’s my future husband… and that’s ok by me!).

I’ve encountered married guys, guys who only want to get laid and will say anything to get there, guys who have potential but then disappear mid-conversation, guys who are train wrecks (messy divorces, estranged kids, etc), messages from guys I definitely did not want to get (to give you an idea, one guy’s first message called me a scoobie snack 🤢)… And yes, I’ve read Burn the Haystack and I’ve done the work post-divorce and I’m pretty sure I’m not doing anything to specifically draw the crazies or ickies - it’s more that they outnumber the good ones by A LOT.

I have a good life with plenty of friends, an interesting job, and some hobbies I enjoy, and I am not at all afraid of ending up alone. A lot of my friends have decided leaning into that kind of life is more satisfying than the torture of wading through the dregs in hopes of finding one decent guy. That’s a totally valid conclusion and I just wanted OP to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Men still seem to find me attractive. I'm 53. Unfortunately none of the ones who find me attractive are long-term dateable. So I get hit on and sometimes date, but it never goes anywhere long-term.

I suppose it's better than feeling totally invisible.

[Anonymous]

It takes more upkeep ➕ effort but at the ripe old age of 57 I haven’t thrown in the towel as of yet.
Sigh 😮‍💨

I am Asian so that is a blessing when it comes to aging in general (Lol!) but I still have to color my gray roots bi-weekly (my natural color is dark black and my grays are actually silver/white which makes me look terrible, like a skunk 🦨 if I let my color go….)

I also have to get my beauty sleep or I look (and feel) easily 100 yrs old.

I am smack dab in menopause and my metabolism is the worst it has ever been.
I am packing the lbs. pretty bad in my midsection.

Maybe at sixty I will throw in the towel - I am just not ready yet!