I know I'm old, but is this how things work?

[Anonymous]

No. I am in my 40s. I have NEVER done this. If a man, asks for a photo, I never reply. Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

No, that's not normal. She's being used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not normal. She's being used.

+1 I’ve only done this within a serious, committed, in-person relationship. I think it’s also okay with a FWB whom you trust, but not with a random person online you don’t even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. But also who cares what's "expected" she doesn't have to do it.

This. If a guy drops you for refusal to have phone sex that says a lot about the guy. I wouldn’t begrudge him for asking though.

[Anonymous]

If she’s Catholic and a schoolteacher, she should know better than to try looking for guys on Tinder of all places. Yes, it’s true, those guys are all looking for sex!

There are tons of widowers, old bachelors and friends-of-friends to be introduced to in the ecoysystem a parish. She can get involved in a ministry, let the ladies know she’s actively looking to marry, and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s Catholic and a schoolteacher, she should know better than to try looking for guys on Tinder of all places. Yes, it’s true, those guys are all looking for sex!

There are tons of widowers, old bachelors and friends-of-friends to be introduced to in the ecoysystem a parish. She can get involved in a ministry, let the ladies know she’s actively looking to marry, and go from there.

I think most church goers are looking for sex too. Make and female. If you're not, then you're going to have some problems in most relationships.

I agree that nobody should feel coerced into sexting or stuff like that. Sending a photo because someone really wants it and says everyone does it is idiotic. Sending a photo because a lot of people do it and you find it thrilling or enjoyable is ok, after you know the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s Catholic and a schoolteacher, she should know better than to try looking for guys on Tinder of all places. Yes, it’s true, those guys are all looking for sex!

There are tons of widowers, old bachelors and friends-of-friends to be introduced to in the ecoysystem a parish. She can get involved in a ministry, let the ladies know she’s actively looking to marry, and go from there.

Hah.. at my parish, there are almost no single guys. At mass, there are plenty of women attending alone, but basically no men on their own other than one or two married dads (along with me, also in that category) because their kids are in CCD at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I've dealt and sometimes dated women like this. It's sort of a sad situation. They did not have a lot of relationships when they were younger, and now that they are older, there's not much to choose from, especially among good men. They are willing to do anything to maintain a relationship.

Desperation is not a good look so for me this caused me to move one, but I can see how many more dastardly men would instead exploit her. OP should counsel her friend or encourage her to get counseling -- she's being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a boomer. I have a friend who is 40. I knew her as a teenager. She has always been very sweet and a sort of fundamentally innocent person, teaches in a Catholic school (Catholic but hates the MAGA-ness of the parents and also believes that all religions are aimed at the same thing), but one who has experienced a lot of trauma in her life including some horrific partner abuse (not physical but very, very nasty). She'd met a guy on Tindr long distance but the relationship recently ended shortly before she was to travel to his city. She was very upset about it all and called me a couple of nights in a row, she gets very invested emotionally fairly easily when she meets someone who seems to share her interests in life.

I was surprised to learn that according to her sexting and phone sex is basically expected in online dating these days. She said you never show your face to protect yourself. Is this really the case? I did a little dating after becoming widowed but never met anyone who I found emotionally attractive, even though some were very decent guys and conventionally attractive, and have really lost interest in trying anymore, and no online dating at all. My friend no longer has family and not a lot of people she can talk to, and I'm one of a few people she reaches out to for support. I've also never understood the attraction of sexting to begin with, but she says if you don't do it you won't get anywhere at all.

She seems like a sad, lonely, confused person. The better question is why you would even consider that her view of the world is compatible with reality.