Should I tell her I’m agnostic?

[Anonymous]

Smug atheists are easilly disarmed by informed Christians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To your question, your MIL will simply find something else to antagonize you and criticize you. She either doesn’t like you or enjoys being a PITA to you, no point trying to figure it out.

Just try out the WASP response, cold civility, gray rock, and be above her. DH’s extended family are a mix of what you call cultural Catholics and actual Catholics, they are the biggest bunch of loud, dramatic manipulative, reactive and boundary crossing people you’ll ever meet. WASPs judge quietly, Catholics judge loudly.

This is true.

[Anonymous]

Being an atheist is not the absence of faith — it is just a very different type of faith. Chances are highly likely that your MIL has all kinds of opinions and views about how the world is ordered, what is right, what is wrong, what happens in the afterlife (if anything) — none of which can be proven scientifically.

These belief systems are her own “religion” even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. The fact that she was very judgmental about your religious choices shows how she isn’t very different from “religious” people. It never ceases to amaze me how many athesists detest so-called “fundamentalist” people and yet they can be just as intolerant, strident, rigid, narrow, and adhering to a set of “rules” about how people MUST act as any fundamentalist person.

True tolerance is being able to look at another’s religious beliefs — or lack thereof — and be able to respectfully disagree and co-exist.

In my view, I wouldn’t shy away from whatever you believe — be it real Catholicism, cultural Catholicism, or no Catholicism at all. I became born again in my early 40s and used to fear talking to my MIL about it because she is also a very loud atheist. But the more I respectfully stated my views and didn’t just give into her — the more she actually respected me. Bullies sometimes respond that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To your question, your MIL will simply find something else to antagonize you and criticize you. She either doesn’t like you or enjoys being a PITA to you, no point trying to figure it out.

Just try out the WASP response, cold civility, gray rock, and be above her. DH’s extended family are a mix of what you call cultural Catholics and actual Catholics, they are the biggest bunch of loud, dramatic manipulative, reactive and boundary crossing people you’ll ever meet. WASPs judge quietly, Catholics judge loudly.

Are you the Catholic in this description? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't lay off. Information given to her can only be used against you.

+2 Also, you should end the running joke in your head. Also, I don't know what you were disillusioned with but there are many ex-Catholics in Episcopal and Lutheran churches.

I'm a former Catholic who went to an Episcopal Church for a while, before giving up religion entirely. If OP is not religious, an Episcopalian Church won't help.

UU is better for atheists/agnostics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be tempted to hang crucifixes all over the house and act more religious just to mess with her.

This. She'll never let you live it down.

Plus if you tell you her that you had a change of heart and are now agnostic, she'll mock you for not being an atheist.

Personally I would go the other direction and have your kids start each meal with "bless us o lord..." but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smug atheists are easilly disarmed by informed Christians.

It works the other way, too: smug Christians are easily disarmed by informed atheists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being an atheist is not the absence of faith — it is just a very different type of faith. Chances are highly likely that your MIL has all kinds of opinions and views about how the world is ordered, what is right, what is wrong, what happens in the afterlife (if anything) — none of which can be proven scientifically.

These belief systems are her own “religion” even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. The fact that she was very judgmental about your religious choices shows how she isn’t very different from “religious” people. It never ceases to amaze me how many athesists detest so-called “fundamentalist” people and yet they can be just as intolerant, strident, rigid, narrow, and adhering to a set of “rules” about how people MUST act as any fundamentalist person.

True tolerance is being able to look at another’s religious beliefs — or lack thereof — and be able to respectfully disagree and co-exist.

In my view, I wouldn’t shy away from whatever you believe — be it real Catholicism, cultural Catholicism, or no Catholicism at all. I became born again in my early 40s and used to fear talking to my MIL about it because she is also a very loud atheist. But the more I respectfully stated my views and didn’t just give into her — the more she actually respected me. Bullies sometimes respond that way.

No, you're wrong: Being atheist is the lack of religious faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't lay off. Information given to her can only be used against you.

+2 Also, you should end the running joke in your head. Also, I don't know what you were disillusioned with but there are many ex-Catholics in Episcopal and Lutheran churches.

I'm a former Catholic who went to an Episcopal Church for a while, before giving up religion entirely. If OP is not religious, an Episcopalian Church won't help.

UU is better for atheists/agnostics.

COrrect. UU provides a social group and a place to go on Sundays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be tempted to hang crucifixes all over the house and act more religious just to mess with her.

This. She'll never let you live it down.

Plus if you tell you her that you had a change of heart and are now agnostic, she'll mock you for not being an atheist.

Personally I would go the other direction and have your kids start each meal with "bless us o lord..." but you do you.

Becoming agnostic but still participating in religion wont be good enough to your MIL, a staunch atheist. Do not share this info. I’m atheist with a staunchly atheist MIL. I see some utilitarian benefit to religious customs and some wisdom in some religious philosophy. This isn’t good enough to my MIL. Religion is evil in her eyes and anything less is delusional to her.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what you believe or don’t believe, why the heck is your MIL in a position to criticize you? You commented on the tone, so presumably this is in your presence. You need to shut that down, irrespective of anyone’s religious beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you believe or don’t believe, why the heck is your MIL in a position to criticize you? You commented on the tone, so presumably this is in your presence. You need to shut that down, irrespective of anyone’s religious beliefs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being an atheist is not the absence of faith — it is just a very different type of faith. Chances are highly likely that your MIL has all kinds of opinions and views about how the world is ordered, what is right, what is wrong, what happens in the afterlife (if anything) — none of which can be proven scientifically.

These belief systems are her own “religion” even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. The fact that she was very judgmental about your religious choices shows how she isn’t very different from “religious” people. It never ceases to amaze me how many athesists detest so-called “fundamentalist” people and yet they can be just as intolerant, strident, rigid, narrow, and adhering to a set of “rules” about how people MUST act as any fundamentalist person.

True tolerance is being able to look at another’s religious beliefs — or lack thereof — and be able to respectfully disagree and co-exist.

In my view, I wouldn’t shy away from whatever you believe — be it real Catholicism, cultural Catholicism, or no Catholicism at all. I became born again in my early 40s and used to fear talking to my MIL about it because she is also a very loud atheist. But the more I respectfully stated my views and didn’t just give into her — the more she actually respected me. Bullies sometimes respond that way.

No, you're wrong: Being atheist is the lack of religious faith.

A religion is simply a system of beliefs about how the world operates. Every atheist I have ever met has all types of beliefs about how the world operates — about what is right, what is wrong, moral obligations, or lack thereof, justice, equality, and so on — many of which are just as strongly held as the most “religious” people I know. (In fact, many of their atheist beliefs - especially around justice and equality in the United States — are actually drawn from historic Christianity, whether they realize it or not). But none of these things can be scientifically proven. When I used to describe myself as an atheist, it was not the absence of religion — just a very different type of religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being an atheist is not the absence of faith — it is just a very different type of faith. Chances are highly likely that your MIL has all kinds of opinions and views about how the world is ordered, what is right, what is wrong, what happens in the afterlife (if anything) — none of which can be proven scientifically.

These belief systems are her own “religion” even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. The fact that she was very judgmental about your religious choices shows how she isn’t very different from “religious” people. It never ceases to amaze me how many athesists detest so-called “fundamentalist” people and yet they can be just as intolerant, strident, rigid, narrow, and adhering to a set of “rules” about how people MUST act as any fundamentalist person.

True tolerance is being able to look at another’s religious beliefs — or lack thereof — and be able to respectfully disagree and co-exist.

In my view, I wouldn’t shy away from whatever you believe — be it real Catholicism, cultural Catholicism, or no Catholicism at all. I became born again in my early 40s and used to fear talking to my MIL about it because she is also a very loud atheist. But the more I respectfully stated my views and didn’t just give into her — the more she actually respected me. Bullies sometimes respond that way.

No, you're wrong: Being atheist is the lack of religious faith.

A religion is simply a system of beliefs about how the world operates. Every atheist I have ever met has all types of beliefs about how the world operates — about what is right, what is wrong, moral obligations, or lack thereof, justice, equality, and so on — many of which are just as strongly held as the most “religious” people I know. (In fact, many of their atheist beliefs - especially around justice and equality in the United States — are actually drawn from historic Christianity, whether they realize it or not). But none of these things can be scientifically proven. When I used to describe myself as an atheist, it was not the absence of religion — just a very different type of religion.

YOu're wrong about religion too. t's more than a system of beliefs about how the world operates. It's belief in a supreme being. Someone who is supernatural. Atheists have no supernatural beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being an atheist is not the absence of faith — it is just a very different type of faith. Chances are highly likely that your MIL has all kinds of opinions and views about how the world is ordered, what is right, what is wrong, what happens in the afterlife (if anything) — none of which can be proven scientifically.

These belief systems are her own “religion” even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. The fact that she was very judgmental about your religious choices shows how she isn’t very different from “religious” people. It never ceases to amaze me how many athesists detest so-called “fundamentalist” people and yet they can be just as intolerant, strident, rigid, narrow, and adhering to a set of “rules” about how people MUST act as any fundamentalist person.

True tolerance is being able to look at another’s religious beliefs — or lack thereof — and be able to respectfully disagree and co-exist.

In my view, I wouldn’t shy away from whatever you believe — be it real Catholicism, cultural Catholicism, or no Catholicism at all. I became born again in my early 40s and used to fear talking to my MIL about it because she is also a very loud atheist. But the more I respectfully stated my views and didn’t just give into her — the more she actually respected me. Bullies sometimes respond that way.

No, you're wrong: Being atheist is the lack of religious faith.

A religion is simply a system of beliefs about how the world operates. Every atheist I have ever met has all types of beliefs about how the world operates — about what is right, what is wrong, moral obligations, or lack thereof, justice, equality, and so on — many of which are just as strongly held as the most “religious” people I know. (In fact, many of their atheist beliefs - especially around justice and equality in the United States — are actually drawn from historic Christianity, whether they realize it or not). But none of these things can be scientifically proven. When I used to describe myself as an atheist, it was not the absence of religion — just a very different type of religion.

YOu're wrong about religion too. t's more than a system of beliefs about how the world operates. It's belief in a supreme being. Someone who is supernatural. Atheists have no supernatural beliefs.

No — certain types of religion have a belief in a supreme being and supernatural events. But that’s not true across the board — certainly not true of most eastern religions. And even then — for those religions that do believe in a supreme being or supernatural beliefs — the belief in a supreme being or supernatural occurrences is typically part of a larger worldview that goes to the very heart of how the world is organized It is not just an abstract belief in God.

Likewise, Atheists have many ideas about how the world is organized and how it all fits together. It’s the same thing as a “religion” in any true understanding of that term.

And then there are the many people who describe themselves as “spiritual” but not “religious” — who are really saying “yes I do believe in something else out there” — which again functions as its own religion. Many of these people actually strongly believe in supernatural events even if they don’t believe in a supreme God like Christians do.