Is having a crush on someone at work considered cheating?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't need to consider it "a crush". You can control how you react.

You control how you ACT. You don't control how you FEEL. Because, man, those crushes can sneak up on you. But once you do realize you have agency.

No, a crush isn't cheating. Indulging in the feelings and acting on those feelings is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Your coworkers notice and it's creepy and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't need to consider it "a crush". You can control how you react.

You control how you ACT. You don't control how you FEEL. Because, man, those crushes can sneak up on you. But once you do realize you have agency.

No, a crush isn't cheating. Indulging in the feelings and acting on those feelings is cheating.

This.

I struggle with the feelings part because you can’t help what you think but you can control your actions.

[Anonymous]

Harmless, people. Unless acted upon physically/emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A crush a sign that your marriage is damaged. The question is what do you want to do with that information.

It is so not.

[Anonymous]

I considered my crushes and the time and emotional energy spent fantasizing as cheating on DH.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crushes are healthy and normal. They're an outlet for fantasy and wishful thinking, and allow humans to avoid more socially-damaging forms of seeking affection.

It's so sad some people don't understand this.

This is what I think.

[Anonymous]

Define crush. Your DH might have a different definition than you or me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.

It seems like some posters here are equating having a crush as obsessing and fantasizing about someone. That’s the definition of coveting, not having a crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all