“I raised you to do the right thing”

[Anonymous]

Sounds incredibly manipulative. I have never said this to my kids, except in jest, when they knew I was joking. They are their own moral persons, and yes, I did have a hand in shaping those morals, but I'm not going to use that as a cudgel to guilt them into doing what I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Yeah, but the “right thing” is subjective in families who aren’t dealing with murder and rape.

When I was growing up, my neighbor had a younger sister with Down’s syndrome. Her parents always said she was going to take care of her sister when they grew up. She would have panic attacks about it. Her parents were livid when she applied to college across the country and even angrier when she never came back. They kept saying “They raised her to do the right thing!” and said they had no idea what went wrong. We weren’t even that close but I remember her crying in the backyard a lot when we were kids.

What a sh!t kid.

I watched love is blind UK and one of the men had a brother with downs that he loved and planned to help take care of.

You don't have children to be caretakers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Yeah, but the “right thing” is subjective in families who aren’t dealing with murder and rape.

When I was growing up, my neighbor had a younger sister with Down’s syndrome. Her parents always said she was going to take care of her sister when they grew up. She would have panic attacks about it. Her parents were livid when she applied to college across the country and even angrier when she never came back. They kept saying “They raised her to do the right thing!” and said they had no idea what went wrong. We weren’t even that close but I remember her crying in the backyard a lot when we were kids.

What a sh!t kid.

I watched love is blind UK and one of the men had a brother with downs that he loved and planned to help take care of.

TV shows are going to select stories that fit their show agenda.
There are probably many siblings who never asked to be a lifelong caretaker for a disabled person their parent decided to have.
Those people are not going to be selected for that show.
The disabled run a variety of personalities so dont assume all of them are sweet natured and loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Cheating/adultery, knowingly and willingly sleeping with someone married or cheating in your own!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Cheating/adultery, knowingly and willingly sleeping with someone married or cheating in your own!!!!

PP here i agree.

[Anonymous]

You first Op

[Anonymous]

I think the statement does actually hold weight and matter when someone is doing something they know is morally wrong, and are confronted with that fact.

It’s not a question of age. Every one, even babies, has their own mind and thoughts, although the range and depth of those thoughts may be limited because of lack of experience. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to hold people of any age for their thoughts. Their behavior, on the other hand, I think is subject to consequences when an individual is aware that behavior is wrong.

I also think the statement is equally applicable in reverse. If a parent is acting contrary to the values they instilled in their kids, I think it is fair and appropriate to remind them, “This isn’t the way you raised me. You raised me to do the right thing and you never would have accepted this from me. I have tried to honor those lessons and you should too. You know this isn’t the right thing to do and you need to follow your own code of conduct.”

[Anonymous]

“You raised me to do what I think is the right thing, and to make moral, responsible decisions. Sometimes what you think is right is not what I think is right. But we are both adults at this point.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Cheating/adultery, knowingly and willingly sleeping with someone married or cheating in your own!!!!

I would be so disappointed in my kid if they did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this statement actually hold weight and matter? At what age? Where is the line for when every person is responsible for having their own mind, thoughts, and behavior?

The age?

Adult age.

I think it’s OK to toss that phrase out for a more fully developed brain of an adult.

Telling a kid or tween or teen that is stupid and manipulative. Unless it’s a low key thing like don’t eat all the cookies in one day.

Also, I don’t think an actively involved parent parenting would say that to someone under age 22. It’s like admitting you’re done raising them, not a work in progress. Or some lazy parent blame & shame thing to say whilst not provide advice or discipline or consequences. Just parentify the kid, make them make all the decisions, then toss that phrase out when things went sideways.

Now an adult child caught drinking & driving or making a bad hurtful decision, and they were indeed raised to know better…. Fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Yeah, but the “right thing” is subjective in families who aren’t dealing with murder and rape.

When I was growing up, my neighbor had a younger sister with Down’s syndrome. Her parents always said she was going to take care of her sister when they grew up. She would have panic attacks about it. Her parents were livid when she applied to college across the country and even angrier when she never came back. They kept saying “They raised her to do the right thing!” and said they had no idea what went wrong. We weren’t even that close but I remember her crying in the backyard a lot when we were kids.

What a sh!t kid.

I watched love is blind UK and one of the men had a brother with downs that he loved and planned to help take care of.

Both parents should make the arrangements, trusts, govt program and aid, living squared away. Not dump it on the sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does this statement actually hold weight and matter? At what age? Where is the line for when every person is responsible for having their own mind, thoughts, and behavior?

Nothing to do with that.

It implies you didn’t do the moral or ethical thing. Societal.

Agree this is the genesis of the phrase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Yeah, but the “right thing” is subjective in families who aren’t dealing with murder and rape.

When I was growing up, my neighbor had a younger sister with Down’s syndrome. Her parents always said she was going to take care of her sister when they grew up. She would have panic attacks about it. Her parents were livid when she applied to college across the country and even angrier when she never came back. They kept saying “They raised her to do the right thing!” and said they had no idea what went wrong. We weren’t even that close but I remember her crying in the backyard a lot when we were kids.

What a sh!t kid.

I watched love is blind UK and one of the men had a brother with downs that he loved and planned to help take care of.

Both parents should make the arrangements, trusts, govt program and aid, living squared away. Not dump it on the sibling.

Not every family has those kinds of resources. Worrying about the care of an adult child with special needs is a real concern for many, many parents. It's why some resort to state care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Yeah, but the “right thing” is subjective in families who aren’t dealing with murder and rape.

When I was growing up, my neighbor had a younger sister with Down’s syndrome. Her parents always said she was going to take care of her sister when they grew up. She would have panic attacks about it. Her parents were livid when she applied to college across the country and even angrier when she never came back. They kept saying “They raised her to do the right thing!” and said they had no idea what went wrong. We weren’t even that close but I remember her crying in the backyard a lot when we were kids.

What a sh!t kid.

I watched love is blind UK and one of the men had a brother with downs that he loved and planned to help take care of.

Both parents should make the arrangements, trusts, govt program and aid, living squared away. Not dump it on the sibling.

It's cheaper to dump it on the sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing can be very subjective!

Rape, murder, theft, setting fires, assault are wrong. Not subjective at all.

Cheating/adultery, knowingly and willingly sleeping with someone married or cheating in your own!!!!

I would be so disappointed in my kid if they did this.

Sadly, it seems most families of cheaters are not.