How to keep kid from zoning out in the shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Why not just… let her take long showers? I take really long showers. They’re lovely. Zoning out in the shower is a delight. Why must everything be rushed and purposeful? Especially with these feelings above… just let her do it her way in her own time.

Because she will take a 20 minute shower, the water will get cold, and then she's crying because she's still got conditioner in her hair that she hasn't washed out and she never did body soap.

I would be fine with the long shower if she emerged clean and relaxed. A 20 minute shower that depletes our hot water and she's not even clean plus she's upset? No thank you.

Just buy a conditioner that’s already a leave in and doesn’t need rinsing. If she doesn’t use soap it’s not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Why not just… let her take long showers? I take really long showers. They’re lovely. Zoning out in the shower is a delight. Why must everything be rushed and purposeful? Especially with these feelings above… just let her do it her way in her own time.

Because she will take a 20 minute shower, the water will get cold, and then she's crying because she's still got conditioner in her hair that she hasn't washed out and she never did body soap.

I would be fine with the long shower if she emerged clean and relaxed. A 20 minute shower that depletes our hot water and she's not even clean plus she's upset? No thank you.

Just buy a conditioner that’s already a leave in and doesn’t need rinsing. If she doesn’t use soap it’s not the end of the world.

PS teach her to shampoo first thing and use the shampoo lather to soap her body up so that’s literally all she has to accomplish then can zone out. Plus Leave in conditioner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Um, your child clearly has ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Separately, if 20 min of shower depletes your hot water (or 20 min of her shower plus whatever everyone else's takes)... you need a bigger boiler. 20 minutes is not extraordinarily long for a shower, especially if it's her moment to relax.

But I get the primary concern, which is zoning out.

[Anonymous]

I love a hot shower in the winter. It's so soothing. Tell her to wash her hair first.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like ADHD.

Get child tested for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Previously you said that your kid didn't have trouble in other areas of her life. But you telling her what to do all the time means you are compensating for her deficits. Which at 8 still seems within the range of normal... but at some point it won't be. An evaluation for ADHD is in her future, OP, if she doesn't develop a better organization within the next 2 years. 10 years old is a great time to be evaluated, because it means you can request accommodations at school when your kid start middle school.

Also, if you need to micromanage all of your children, it's clear ADHD runs in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

So it's not just the shower, then, it sounds like? What you describe here- having to be her task master all the time- sounds exactly like inattentive ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Alexa alarms is what we do. I set a 5 min timer. For you I guess you could set multiple timers. Or make them take a bath.

[Anonymous]

Long hot showers are for zoning out and relaxing. Teach her to wash first then relax. Sure consider adhd or maybe she is just enjoying the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Why not just… let her take long showers? I take really long showers. They’re lovely. Zoning out in the shower is a delight. Why must everything be rushed and purposeful? Especially with these feelings above… just let her do it her way in her own time.

Because she will take a 20 minute shower, the water will get cold, and then she's crying because she's still got conditioner in her hair that she hasn't washed out and she never did body soap.

I would be fine with the long shower if she emerged clean and relaxed. A 20 minute shower that depletes our hot water and she's not even clean plus she's upset? No thank you.

PP here. That sounds like a really reasonable natural consequence. If that happens, and she starts crying, just come in, calmly say, oops, water got cold, alright, I’ll help you get the conditioner out and do a super-quick body wash in the cold water. Then do it and get her out.

That’s a crappy experience for her. She’ll learn!

[Anonymous]

My adhd kid is also like this. But your kid is only 8. I wouldn’t be stressed about needing to remind at this age, as much as it is a pain.

My adhd kid listens to audiobooks in the shower and hers take forever. So don’t go down that path, lol. She started them because she was absolutely refusing to shower, but they definitely slow her down.

I would probably let your kid decide whether they would prefer a playlist or alarms for reminders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My adhd kid is also like this. But your kid is only 8. I wouldn’t be stressed about needing to remind at this age, as much as it is a pain.

My adhd kid listens to audiobooks in the shower and hers take forever. So don’t go down that path, lol. She started them because she was absolutely refusing to shower, but they definitely slow her down.

I would probably let your kid decide whether they would prefer a playlist or alarms for reminders.

If a kid is zoning out, there’s a reason - they have been overstimulated all day and they need a break. Shower is ideal for that. Setting a bunch of alarms during a needed mental break sounds horrifying to me as someone with ADHD. I think OP needs to view the shower as serving a purpose for her daughter, other than just washing, and understand that it’s ok if not every shower includes washing hair/body comprehensively.

[Anonymous]

She's tired. It's her chance at respite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD. I know, my kid with inattentive ADHD does the same thing.

We’ve been suspecting this with our 10 yo and showers are a huge problem.