Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Yes, you can never wash the public school filth off…

[Anonymous]

I do know some DC kids like this (Sidwell crew, late 90s) and they are super close. It’s wonderful. On the other hand, that’s who they are close with. They aren’t close with their college friends.

I am public, lifer and my closest friends are from college. We keep in touch regularly (and yes fancy snotty private college).

I know people for whom this is the reverse. Some of my public HS friends are very close and still friends. Some of the Big 3 kids I knew left and never looked back.

This is just a totally odd reason to sign up to be a lifer, believing you can force your kids into lifelong friendships. I don’t think you can. Things like educational values, housing, economic trade offs, where to live, proximity to things that are improtant to you (your job, your club, your parents, whatever), neighborhood-centric living, kinds of kids you want your kids around would seem to be way more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

Please ignore this poster. My kid was extremely successful at his public school. He chose to switch simply because he wanted a different experience. As a parent, the best thing to do is to show your kids that their life experience isn’t determined be where they went to school, but rather their perspective on life and the choices they make due to that perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

Please ignore this poster. My kid was extremely successful at his public school. He chose to switch simply because he wanted a different experience. As a parent, the best thing to do is to show your kids that their life experience isn’t determined be where they went to school, but rather their perspective on life and the choices they make due to that perspective.

It is great that your kid avoided public school trauma, but the reality is that a lot of kids are switching from public because of bad experiences there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Yes, you can never wash the public school filth off…

The earlier you transfer the better, just to get out of that environment.

[Anonymous]

My kid started 6th this year at a private k-12. It's an expansion year there and about half of the kids were new. No problem making friends as all the new kids were looking to make friends, and some of the long-standing students were eager to meet new people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it hard to make lifelong friends, switching to private school from public school at these junctures?

I am myself of a parent who attended public school K-6 and then switched to a big three school at middle school.

While, it was not difficult to make friends, I found it nearly impossible to build friendships with most of the people who had been together since kindergarten (“lifers”) at that school once I got there.

Many of those lifers are still close friends today, in our early 40s, and I admire their closeness.

When I compare this to myself, who has no lasting friendships from high school (though I do from a summer program abroad), it makes me wonder whether to give my kids the “lifer” experience for the opportunity to build lifelong friendships.

My closest friends are from college and work experiences. FWIW, my brother (in his late 30s) also attended public and then a private MS & HS, and though he was very popular at all phases of his schooling and maintains many close friends from college, he held onto no friendships from his K-12 schooling years, either, though he does from EC sports teams during HS.

I have two toddlers and am trying to weigh whether sending them to public for K-5, knowing I would like to send them to private middle and high school for several reasons, is a good idea.

I like the idea of sending them to public ES for the benefit of attending a community school that’s near our house, being able to have play dates with neighbors’ kids after school, and because our local public is excellent and our neighbors love it.

Grateful for others to weigh in!

Our DD went to k-9 in MCPS and switched to private in 10th. She is now a senior in college. There are 4 friends from public school that she has stayed close with and 2 from the private school.

As for me, I am in my late 50s, and am in touch with half a dozen people from HS where I went k-12, and 4 from college. My current friends are from my church, and my kids ES PTA from what feels like a long time ago

[Anonymous]

Depends on the cohort

Some are more closed off because you can get a class full of youngest kids and the families socialize together are no longer interested in making new friends or there is some other connection you won't know about until years later and by then you won't want to move your child.

My kid was not in the "lifelong friend" groups in elementary, saw several of the groups fall apart when the kids became teens and the pressure from the parents lessened and found some good friends from those that left these groups in the higher grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

Please ignore this poster. My kid was extremely successful at his public school. He chose to switch simply because he wanted a different experience. As a parent, the best thing to do is to show your kids that their life experience isn’t determined be where they went to school, but rather their perspective on life and the choices they make due to that perspective.

It is great that your kid avoided public school trauma, but the reality is that a lot of kids are switching from public because of bad experiences there.

Does that explain why the lifers won’t be friends with new kids? Is it the same if a new kid is coming from another private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

Please ignore this poster. My kid was extremely successful at his public school. He chose to switch simply because he wanted a different experience. As a parent, the best thing to do is to show your kids that their life experience isn’t determined be where they went to school, but rather their perspective on life and the choices they make due to that perspective.

It is great that your kid avoided public school trauma, but the reality is that a lot of kids are switching from public because of bad experiences there.

Does that explain why the lifers won’t be friends with new kids? Is it the same if a new kid is coming from another private?

The issue is the behavior and interests of the new kids. If they match up with the existing kids or not. Sense of humor. Hobbies. Books. That is really all there is to know. Kids are always looking to make friends. If someone can’t hold a conversation and has nothing in common, well what do you expect.

[Anonymous]

Kids coming in during elementary or an expansion year seem to be welcomed by many at our private school. Matching interests with other students will be key.

Regardless of what decision you ultimately make, make sure your child has numerous friends groups, and especially some outside of school.

We went public, then switched to private a few years later. In a class of 30 in public, DD was not being challenged enough and some behaviors were looked past because she was a high performer. I don't regret trying public and wish it had worked -- but it didn't -- for our child. Every child is different.

No matter what you decide, there will be tradeoffs. How you weigh those tradeoffs differs significantly based on your budget and values.

I will say that because DD is in a private school and communication and counseling etc tend to be better than in public school , DH and I really let DD self-advocate and push for what she wants.

I am far less involved than when I was dealing with the bureaucratic public school system. Change can and does occur at our private school, and I credit our private school for helping hone my child's leadership potential.

I think we also push DD to get outside of the private school bubble a lot and apply for opportunities and programs where she may not get selected. It's a growth experience and she needs to learn to fail and pick herself back up.

DD has friends who will remain in public for the entirety of their education. The kids seem to put up with more behavioral issues and the parents seem a bit more stressed but the college outcomes are likely to be similar. It's just that our paths are different and there may be differences in some of the skills that our kids learn along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

I have friends who went to private and experienced trauma from classmates.

Private is not this magical utopia. Go private if you have the means and support the academic ideals of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public is better for Math oriented kids and college acceptances.

If you don't care about either of those have at it private will be financially stupid but you do you.

No worries your kids do not need an education anyway. Republicans have proven that.

Why is private financially stupid? Do you value your kid’s time, experiences, and outcome in life? What is the value of that?

1. We have fantastic public schools in the state of MD for an average family private is financially stupid. Especially if you do a religious based one. Those monies could pay for a better college. Which by the way college outcomes are better from public.

2. Religious privates are indoctrination centers which are lacking in math and science gee wiz paying for a school lacking in teaching subjects is genius.

3. Of course not all kids can succeed in public then yes private is worth it. Otherwise there is not one school in the DMV as a private that is better than our local public schools especially in MATH & SCIENCE.

4. "Experiences" "Outcomes" My kids went to MIT< Stanford and Yale from our local publics. They were accepted at most Ivies and excellent colleges like CMU, Georgia Tech, UVA, Michigan, UNC, University of Chicago, and many others so where is the problem for publics with acceptances like that? Six kids which by the way we could afforded for them to all go to Private school easily without any hardship what so ever. They had great friends and local community support. Now in their bank accounts all the monies we would have spent on privates we set up a trust for each of them. Yeah we understand finances are important as is a great education which is what they all got.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in 3rd. She has been at a private school since K. She loves having new kids come in.

I will say that starting in 9th at a K-12 is probably easier than 6th because tons of new 9th graders start.

[Anonymous]

It was obviously a while ago now, but I started in 9th at a K-12. Based on my imperfect memory, my closest friends all over the map in terms of entry year. I'm still friends with one person who was a lifer and some others who were sophomore year transfers! Basically there's no way to predict. It depends on your kid's personability, the class/grade dynamic, how big the entering cohort is, etc.