Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school

[Anonymous]

Was it hard to make lifelong friends, switching to private school from public school at these junctures?

I am myself of a parent who attended public school K-6 and then switched to a big three school at middle school.

While, it was not difficult to make friends, I found it nearly impossible to build friendships with most of the people who had been together since kindergarten (“lifers”) at that school once I got there.

Many of those lifers are still close friends today, in our early 40s, and I admire their closeness.

When I compare this to myself, who has no lasting friendships from high school (though I do from a summer program abroad), it makes me wonder whether to give my kids the “lifer” experience for the opportunity to build lifelong friendships.

My closest friends are from college and work experiences. FWIW, my brother (in his late 30s) also attended public and then a private MS & HS, and though he was very popular at all phases of his schooling and maintains many close friends from college, he held onto no friendships from his K-12 schooling years, either, though he does from EC sports teams during HS.

I have two toddlers and am trying to weigh whether sending them to public for K-5, knowing I would like to send them to private middle and high school for several reasons, is a good idea.

I like the idea of sending them to public ES for the benefit of attending a community school that’s near our house, being able to have play dates with neighbors’ kids after school, and because our local public is excellent and our neighbors love it.

Grateful for others to weigh in!

[Anonymous]

I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Public is better for Math oriented kids and college acceptances.

If you don't care about either of those have at it private will be financially stupid but you do you.

No worries your kids do not need an education anyway. Republicans have proven that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

[Anonymous]

I started private school in MS, struggled to make friends, and would rather never see the vast majority of my HS classmates ever again.

DS started private school in HS and made friends with others who also started in HS. It's too early to say if they will be lifelong friends (he's still in HS) but they are closer to each other than I ever experienced.

My brother was a lifer, but the friends he still sees 30 years later are all friends he made in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.

Try to keep up. It was a direct response to the prior comment in the thread. Your comment was the only one off topic and makes you sound like a twat. If you have trouble making friends in life, do some self reflection because it is obvious to everyone else why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public is better for Math oriented kids and college acceptances.

If you don't care about either of those have at it private will be financially stupid but you do you.

No worries your kids do not need an education anyway. Republicans have proven that.

Why is private financially stupid? Do you value your kid’s time, experiences, and outcome in life? What is the value of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.

Try to keep up. It was a direct response to the prior comment in the thread. Your comment was the only one off topic and makes you sound like a twat. If you have trouble making friends in life, do some self reflection because it is obvious to everyone else why.

Twat poster alert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Yes I started to middle school at a k-12 and was considered always a "new" kid even though I spent 7 years there and was never fully accepted - it was horrible and I am not close to anyone from school. My sister however started in 1st and was fully accepted and had a much more pleasant experience throughout school there. But she still isn't close to anyone now. So I don't think you can game it! I am always jealous though of people who can maintain lifelong friendships from early childhood like that though.

[Anonymous]

PP above - I also think all the rules go out the window in this area because it is so transient. Lots of kids move and it is not normal to be "new"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.

Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

These public school experiences are probably why some of these kids have trouble making friends once they hit private. They grew up in a very different environment and have trouble moving past that.

Equally likely they have trouble because lifers have been taught to be insular and non inclusive.

No, kids just want to make friends. When a kid is damaged from public, after being set up to fail there so their parents can save a few bucks, they enter private differently. The private school kids there, especially lifers, are just normal kids without trauma.

[Anonymous]

I was a lifer at my zoned public school system and didn’t retain life-long friends from HS. I could have, but I chose not to. All to say that just because you set your children to have lifelong friends doesn’t mean that they’ll choose to do that.