Adult mean girls… when they are nice to you

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your values don't align with hers, which is good enough reason to not be friends, but it doesn't necessarily mean she is mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

How is she a mean girl? Your post is not clear.

[Anonymous]

Op please tell us what did that was mean so that we can shut down the PPs who claim you are just insecure.

[Anonymous]

Lol, OP is not required to "prove" that this woman is mean. She feels she engages in "mean girl" behaviors based on her personal experience with this person. You can take that at face value and respond to OP's query accordingly, or you can disbelieve it and refuse to participate.

But none of you will ever know and there is absolutely no value in demanding OP present evidence so that a bunch of stranger on the internet can decide if a woman they have never met or interacted with is a "mean girl."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did she do that was mean girl? Being obsessed with her image and posting on social media is not mean girl. Don't be friends with her if you don't want to be, but that's not a mean girl.

OP. Sorry the social media stuff is not related to the mean girl stuff. She was pretty mean to me not overt ways but more in the sarcastic, backhanded comments she would make about me. I’m too boring, need to have more fun, do ketamine, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my experience: She wants you to be part of her “network” so she can ask you for favors, fundraising, etc. But she is not really interested in being your friend.

OP - yes this is probably it. After my divorce I have had people approaching me. I’m not rich but they think I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she do that was mean girl? Being obsessed with her image and posting on social media is not mean girl. Don't be friends with her if you don't want to be, but that's not a mean girl.

OP. Sorry the social media stuff is not related to the mean girl stuff. She was pretty mean to me not overt ways but more in the sarcastic, backhanded comments she would make about me. I’m too boring, need to have more fun, do ketamine, etc.

That's obnoxious.

So she's stopped with the mean comments now? And is being friendly/solicitous?

I wonder if after you distanced due to her mean behavior, she tried to talk $hit about you with others and discovered you are well liked, so changed her tune to protect her own rep. I have seen that before. She likely saw you as a rival initially, thought she could use mean girl tactics to put you down, and it backfired.

Would definitely steer clear of her. Polite but distant. She was trying to use you as a foil before, now she wants to use you as an ally. You were right to read her behavior the way you did from the start.

[Anonymous]

Is she one of Musk's concubines or is ketamine a trending drug? The effects look too severe to be recreational

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who want to be popular like to keep other popular people in their network. They do not want you to get too far away from them that they don't know what you are doing/dating, etc. Just be polite but keep your distance.

This is what I thought...maybe you are actually really popular (but not a mean girl) and because of this you now have value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do they want? I had someone I thought was a friend, and she turned out to be kind of a mean girl, obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media. I distanced myself and maybe a few months passed. Now she has started inviting me to things, acting all chummy at events we both happen to be at (kids go to same school, fundraisers, etc).

I have responded politely and make conversation but don’t want to get burned again so have kept some distance. In my life, not much has changed so I’m not sure why she seems to be trying to win me over again. What’s her motive?

May be she is a narcissist and reaching out again because your presence make her image look good.

[Anonymous]

Op, do one thing - F**K her BF and she will learn her lesson

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, OP is not required to "prove" that this woman is mean. She feels she engages in "mean girl" behaviors based on her personal experience with this person. You can take that at face value and respond to OP's query accordingly, or you can disbelieve it and refuse to participate.

But none of you will ever know and there is absolutely no value in demanding OP present evidence so that a bunch of stranger on the internet can decide if a woman they have never met or interacted with is a "mean girl."

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

I think what OP means is that she seems to put social status competitiveness and status signaling over caring about the people she is friends with. For some us, people who value those things tend to tromp on and manipulate those of us are who are looking for an actual exchange of feelings.

OP just keep saying no, eventually she will more on to someone else. She is sensing your hesitation and thinking she can persuade you into what she needs again. You can get ensnared or be more direct and say “I’m really not interested in XXX. I don’t have time to devote to it, but good luck!” Or something along those lines.

This is good advice.

While it's possible that OP is misjudging this woman, if you've gotten drawn in by someone like this (socially competitive and transactional) in the past, it can make you extra cautious. The issue is in the distance between how someone behaves towards you and their actual intentions. People who are extremely status conscious and obsessed with surface appearances tend not to be loyal or reliable. But they will be SO nice and solicitous when you first meet them, and if you aren't looking for it, you can get drawn in and then get very hurt when they decide it's more expedient for them to ditch you, gossip about you, etc. It sucks.

Agree the key is to stay polite but distant. If you never let her in and keep her at acquaintance level, she can't burn you.

Thanks, ChatGPT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my experience: She wants you to be part of her “network” so she can ask you for favors, fundraising, etc. But she is not really interested in being your friend.

Oof. Not OP but this is resonating a bit for me with some new friends. Thanks for the wake-up call