Arranged marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in South Asia for two years for my job. Arranged marriage was very common where I lived. Domestic violence was also common, to a degree that shocked me, and I do think the arranged marriage culture was a part of this. The "marriage is between two families, not to individuals" mentality meant the family members were involved, and the woman in the marriage had no recourse when her mother had been directed to assure her husband's parents that she would "try harder", that the two of them would "both try." The family failed if the marriage failed. And it was never the man's family at fault, no matter what, not ever. Terrible culture/practice.

So I'd say no.

I agree with this. And I grew up in India.

[Anonymous]

online dating for women in their thirties is similar to arranged marriages-for ones that want kids..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here It’s clear he doesn’t want to do things together anymore.
So an adventurous outting is out of the question. There is however his office dinner he wants me to attend.
We don’t talk unless needed to.
It’s taking a toll on me.

Yeah. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here It’s clear he doesn’t want to do things together anymore.
So an adventurous outting is out of the question. There is however his office dinner he wants me to attend.
We don’t talk unless needed to.
It’s taking a toll on me.

OP here- Did you mean to post it somewhere else? It doesn't relate to the thus thread unless this is some sort of encryption?

[Anonymous]

I've seen many arranged marriages and success rate like love marriages is 50/50. Divorce rate is 10% but that doesn't mean other 90% are successful.

Imo too many people are involved in arrange marriage which can make them easier in some ways and difficult in other ways.

Not knowing the other person well or for long enough and being long distance can be an issue or make marriage romantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:online dating for women in their thirties is similar to arranged marriages-for ones that want kids..

Agreed. People are desperate and settle quickly, often for less than they declined earlier.

[Anonymous]

We can't assume that everyone is going to find a good love match. Many young people move away from their friends and family network for work and its harder in new areas, more so if race or religion limits you.

[Anonymous]

Engagement visa - see how the 1-2 years engaged goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:online dating for women in their thirties is similar to arranged marriages-for ones that want kids..

Agreed. People are desperate and settle quickly, often for less than they declined earlier.

IMO that's not true. Women in their 30s haven't settled and have pretty high standards. Most are willing to be single over settling with the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Engagement visa - see how the 1-2 years engaged goes.

No visas involved, both born citizens working here in high income careers but have a distance of 4 hr flying time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

You are missing a very important dimension here - how are both people dealing with conflicts. Even though you have lots in common, eventually you will disagree on something. Do you know what’s going to happen then?

FWIW, I married my husband after a long distance relationship; we’ve spent a total of maybe 4 weeks together over 1.5 years. It can work.

[Anonymous]

A few former coworkers of mine had arranged marriages. One was Nigerian and two were Indian. There was one in particular I used to travel with a lot, and one night at dinner we talked about it. He saw it as a positive, said the families took a lot of care looking for a spouse for their children. Then, as another poster said, they coached the young bride and groom on how to approach the marriage. If there were problems in the marriage, there was more coaching. He seemed to think this was good, but I could see it going either way. I also think he was somewhat socially awkward, and it might’ve been a relief for him to have not had to look for his own wife. Again, I realize that’s not a ringing endorsement. I didn’t know his wife well but I felt like she might’ve been out of his dating league had they met organically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

Many Indians use the same metrics for arranging marriage for their offspring. And then the more modern ones let the young candidates meet and see if they mutually agree.
I think it could work as it seems to work for most Indians. Jewish folks do have a similar values focused approach to marriage and frankly having aligned values is most of the battle in carving out a successful union.

Only cult Jews have that approach
Canadian hassids and lubbies are not mainstream Jews

[Anonymous]

Well the HOP is setting up breeding facilities arranged marriages are not far behind especially to 10 and six year olds the younger the better

[Anonymous]

OPPs GOP