Arranged marriage

[Anonymous]

If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

[Anonymous]

Why can't one of you move and date for a year? Long distance is a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

Many Indians use the same metrics for arranging marriage for their offspring. And then the more modern ones let the young candidates meet and see if they mutually agree.
I think it could work as it seems to work for most Indians. Jewish folks do have a similar values focused approach to marriage and frankly having aligned values is most of the battle in carving out a successful union.

[Anonymous]

This is not uncommon in my Indian/Indian-American circles. My brother had an arranged marriage and 15 years and 4 kids later they are very happy. I have also seen less successful outcomes. You have to accept that you’re taking a leap of faith.

[Anonymous]

I lived in South Asia for two years for my job. Arranged marriage was very common where I lived. Domestic violence was also common, to a degree that shocked me, and I do think the arranged marriage culture was a part of this. The "marriage is between two families, not to individuals" mentality meant the family members were involved, and the woman in the marriage had no recourse when her mother had been directed to assure her husband's parents that she would "try harder", that the two of them would "both try." The family failed if the marriage failed. And it was never the man's family at fault, no matter what, not ever. Terrible culture/practice.

So I'd say no.

[Anonymous]

Why not? Give it a try. Statistics say an arranged marriage has the same success rate of ‘love’ marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't one of you move and date for a year? Long distance is a huge red flag.

Both work in different towns so for either one to relocate and find a new job would require a more solid commitment than dating.

[Anonymous]

Op here It’s clear he doesn’t want to do things together anymore.
So an adventurous outting is out of the question. There is however his office dinner he wants me to attend.
We don’t talk unless needed to.
It’s taking a toll on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here It’s clear he doesn’t want to do things together anymore.
So an adventurous outting is out of the question. There is however his office dinner he wants me to attend.
We don’t talk unless needed to.
It’s taking a toll on me.

SORRY wrong thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in South Asia for two years for my job. Arranged marriage was very common where I lived. Domestic violence was also common, to a degree that shocked me, and I do think the arranged marriage culture was a part of this. The "marriage is between two families, not to individuals" mentality meant the family members were involved, and the woman in the marriage had no recourse when her mother had been directed to assure her husband's parents that she would "try harder", that the two of them would "both try." The family failed if the marriage failed. And it was never the man's family at fault, no matter what, not ever. Terrible culture/practice.

So I'd say no.

Garbage post. Even if true in South Asia, doesn’t mean it’s true here. I know Many people in arranged marriages who are very happy here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here It’s clear he doesn’t want to do things together anymore.
So an adventurous outting is out of the question. There is however his office dinner he wants me to attend.
We don’t talk unless needed to.
It’s taking a toll on me.

SORRY wrong thread.

Um what? What do you mean wrong thread? Who’s this other dude and where is your other thread?

[Anonymous]

I have a couple friends who had an arranged marriage, both women from Pakistan.

One her family picked out a specific guy for her and they got married after meeting a couple times. It didn't work out at all they were married for a while long distance and broke up almost immediately when they started living together.

Another friend it was more like a matchmaking thing. Her parents connected with other parents and sent her out on getting to know you dates and they would decide to continue seeing each other. So more like matchmaking with dating for six months. That one worked out so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived in South Asia for two years for my job. Arranged marriage was very common where I lived. Domestic violence was also common, to a degree that shocked me, and I do think the arranged marriage culture was a part of this. The "marriage is between two families, not to individuals" mentality meant the family members were involved, and the woman in the marriage had no recourse when her mother had been directed to assure her husband's parents that she would "try harder", that the two of them would "both try." The family failed if the marriage failed. And it was never the man's family at fault, no matter what, not ever. Terrible culture/practice.

So I'd say no.

Garbage post. Even if true in South Asia, doesn’t mean it’s true here. I know Many people in arranged marriages who are very happy here

You don't know "many people" in arranged marriages here. You know one or a couple. Admit it.

And my point stands: a marriage "between families, not individuals" has pressures you cannot comprehend. Maybe it will go well: great! But a high percentage of ANY marriages, arranged or otherwise, don't, and a marriage going wrong is going to be much more destructive and difficult if it was arranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

Many Indians use the same metrics for arranging marriage for their offspring. And then the more modern ones let the young candidates meet and see if they mutually agree.
I think it could work as it seems to work for most Indians. Jewish folks do have a similar values focused approach to marriage and frankly having aligned values is most of the battle in carving out a successful union.

I was raised Jewish and tried to date other Jews for a while. It just didn't work for me - it felt forced evaluating these people I had just met as marriage material. I've been married for 20 years to someone who shares my values but isn't a Jew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both share same race, religion, ethnicity, education, profession, age group, family's social status, culture, background, vision of future etc are you more likely to have a successful marriage? Only issue is only knowing them mostly long distance and for few months before getting engaged and then marrying after few more months because you are turning 31 and didn't have any luck in dating and relationships. What's comforting is that you'll receive premarital counseling at your synagogue and have a detailed prenup. Should you take a leap of faith or keep waiting to meet someone and date for a year or two? This person seems nice, fun, respectful and responsible but could be putting their best foot forward as they are also in same position with dating and want to settle in life.

In 2-3 years, tell us about your divorce