Husband on his 4th DUI, worried about losing child in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Breathalyzer before he can drive son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying. DH had a bad temper when my kids were young and I seriously considered leaving but stayed because I worried about him being unsupervised with the kids 50% of the time. Staying together meant he was rarely alone with the kids because he was always busy with some project if home. Fortunately, over the years the situation improved and we are still together. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. Do you think he is open to getting treatment?

Yes, I've made it clear to him that his recovery choices will directly impact our marriage and I would sue for 90/10 custody if he doesn't take treatment seriously. I have no idea if the court would award that.

Well then, troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not let your son in the car when he is driving. Since it seems so far he has zero convictions for DWI, it isn't going to be held against him and woudn't factor into the custody. Hopefully this one sticks and is on record as a DWI conviction.

Do you mean when he is drinking/drunk? Clearly, OP would not.

They mean ever. You never know if the active alcoholic has been drinking, has booze in the car, will have a kid blow into the breathalyzer starter, will stip off for one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you people have children with such creeps??

Stop !

So many troll posts here. Back to back to back

[Anonymous]

Similar situation as immediate previous posters.
Ex found by police passed out next to his car, covered in urine and vomit, blood on the steering wheel. Somehow got pleaded down to negligent driving... and judge still awarded 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Listen. 50/50 custody is far less common than people think, even when there’s no substance abuse involved. In your scenario, there is absolutely no world in which this person is getting 50/50. Four DUIs is extreme.

I just divorced an alcoholic and was awarded sole legal and physical custody. My children are with me full time. The court ordered that their father may have supervised visitation only after completing treatment and enrolling in ongoing breath and urine monitoring to verify abstinence. He has refused to do any of that, so there is currently no visitation.

Even if he were to choose treatment and recovery, the court would require at least six months of consistent, documented compliance before even considering unsupervised parenting time.

For context, I’m in Montgomery County, Maryland. My ex has zero DUIs. He does, however, have medical records confirming cirrhosis/pancreatitis, and a long history of failed rehabs. Early in our separation, he appeared credible on paper — employed and earning $300k. Once he moved out, his drinking escalated, he started dating, blew all his money, and he is now unemployed.

Courts look at patterns and risk, not wishful thinking. Four DUIs is a *massive* red flag. You need a good attorney. Immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this is his second DUI. He could do serious time or weekend time depending on the jurisdiction. His next DUI could be a felony

Jail time less than one year doesn't impact custody, at least in VA. Felonies don't seem to matter either.

[Anonymous]

50% custody is the norm even with alcoholics in and out of recovery

[Anonymous]

Agree
Family courts don’t care.

You have to hire a PI post-case decision, then go back to court and basically make the judge look bad.

The case our therapist team worked with saw a mentally ill and abusive divorced parent look out their 6 yo, an apartment neighbor called the police and then all had to go back to court and the mentally ill “parent” still got supervised custody and the supervisor was a family member of the mentally ill parent.

Round and round it goes.

Parent rights trump children’s rights.

[Anonymous]

Lock out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen. 50/50 custody is far less common than people think, even when there’s no substance abuse involved. In your scenario, there is absolutely no world in which this person is getting 50/50. Four DUIs is extreme.

I just divorced an alcoholic and was awarded sole legal and physical custody. My children are with me full time. The court ordered that their father may have supervised visitation only after completing treatment and enrolling in ongoing breath and urine monitoring to verify abstinence. He has refused to do any of that, so there is currently no visitation.

Even if he were to choose treatment and recovery, the court would require at least six months of consistent, documented compliance before even considering unsupervised parenting time.

For context, I’m in Montgomery County, Maryland. My ex has zero DUIs. He does, however, have medical records confirming cirrhosis/pancreatitis, and a long history of failed rehabs. Early in our separation, he appeared credible on paper — employed and earning $300k. Once he moved out, his drinking escalated, he started dating, blew all his money, and he is now unemployed.

Courts look at patterns and risk, not wishful thinking. Four DUIs is a *massive* red flag. You need a good attorney. Immediately.

WHOA WHOA!! slow your roll, PP!
OP clearly stated that DH has ZERO DUIs on his record. Two charges were dropped and the third was pleaded down. This means there is likely NO EVIDENCE of harm to child.

OP- any chance child was in the car during the third or fourth arrests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please talk to a lawyer. You deserve accurate legal advice about this.

I echo this advice. A lawyer will be able to give you a good idea of what to expect which is critical for informed decision making.

I was very surprised to hear from a lawyer that I had a reasonable chance of getting full custody with supervised visitation. There are also third party monitored breathalyzers that can ensure sobriety when the alcoholic is with the kids (or daily, depending on the agreement). I was surprised how may options there were to protect my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not let your son in the car when he is driving. Since it seems so far he has zero convictions for DWI, it isn't going to be held against him and woudn't factor into the custody. Hopefully this one sticks and is on record as a DWI conviction.

Regardless if you divorce or not, you absolutely must educate your son on the dangers of getting in the car when daddy has had even a sip of alcohol or is acting even a hint buzzed, etc. Help son develop a backup plan if he is caught somewhere without a ride and doesn't feel safe getting in the car with dad. If you can get DH on board and present a united front, even better. Maybe a few family therapy sessions where this can be worked out together with a trained professional guiding the discussion?

Sorry you are going through this, OP. I dealt with the same and even had to be that backup driver for my kids on a few occasions. Stayed married just to limit the number of times he could possibly get behind the wheel with them in the car and me not be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not let your son in the car when he is driving. Since it seems so far he has zero convictions for DWI, it isn't going to be held against him and woudn't factor into the custody. Hopefully this one sticks and is on record as a DWI conviction.

Do you mean when he is drinking/drunk? Clearly, OP would not.

Just period. You can't always tell that someone has been drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen. 50/50 custody is far less common than people think, even when there’s no substance abuse involved. In your scenario, there is absolutely no world in which this person is getting 50/50. Four DUIs is extreme.

I just divorced an alcoholic and was awarded sole legal and physical custody. My children are with me full time. The court ordered that their father may have supervised visitation only after completing treatment and enrolling in ongoing breath and urine monitoring to verify abstinence. He has refused to do any of that, so there is currently no visitation.

Even if he were to choose treatment and recovery, the court would require at least six months of consistent, documented compliance before even considering unsupervised parenting time.

For context, I’m in Montgomery County, Maryland. My ex has zero DUIs. He does, however, have medical records confirming cirrhosis/pancreatitis, and a long history of failed rehabs. Early in our separation, he appeared credible on paper — employed and earning $300k. Once he moved out, his drinking escalated, he started dating, blew all his money, and he is now unemployed.

Courts look at patterns and risk, not wishful thinking. Four DUIs is a *massive* red flag. You need a good attorney. Immediately.

WHOA WHOA!! slow your roll, PP!
OP clearly stated that DH has ZERO DUIs on his record. Two charges were dropped and the third was pleaded down. This means there is likely NO EVIDENCE of harm to child.

OP- any chance child was in the car during the third or fourth arrests?

This happened 4 times and there is evidence, whether it’s on “on the record” or not. Purchase receipts from liquor stores paint a picture too. She can hire a PI to prove he drinks daily, drinks and drives, etc. Judges make decisions based on patterns not isolated incidents. One DUI 10 years ago is far different than **FOUR** DUIs, including a recent one.

This is about child safety. Kids cannot be alone with a man who routinely gets behind the wheel drunk. If dad chooses to get well, fantastic. Then he should have shared custody. If not, the kids are better off away from him. Growing up in a household with addiction creates serious lifelong harm.