Carpool conundrum - how should teen handle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn’t bother me at all. I feel like that’s pretty typical of the way things went with my kids. But if it bothers you, just end the carpool. They’re not going to charge just because you want them too.

Were you the one always changing? Is your schedule wide open and you can drive at anytime? Either way, most people don't have that flexibility, and if you were the one always changing then that is inconsiderate.

Nope. I’m just really laid back and stuff like this doesn’t bother me. And I’m pretty lucky that I don’t live the kind of life that causes me to need so many last minute changes. My work schedule doesn’t change. Spouse’s doesn’t either. My kids don’t have emergencies. So we can be flexible.

Do you only have one child? You never have to pick up other kids at any other places? Yes, you are lucky and this would be extremely inconvenient for most people.

[Anonymous]

You are the driver, not your teen, so it is totally acceptable to talk directly with parents.

[Anonymous]

I was in a situation like this and one of the moms made a quick spreadsheet and it worked well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn’t bother me at all. I feel like that’s pretty typical of the way things went with my kids. But if it bothers you, just end the carpool. They’re not going to charge just because you want them too.

Were you the one always changing? Is your schedule wide open and you can drive at anytime? Either way, most people don't have that flexibility, and if you were the one always changing then that is inconsiderate.

Nope. I’m just really laid back and stuff like this doesn’t bother me. And I’m pretty lucky that I don’t live the kind of life that causes me to need so many last minute changes. My work schedule doesn’t change. Spouse’s doesn’t either. My kids don’t have emergencies. So we can be flexible.

Do you only have one child? You never have to pick up other kids at any other places? Yes, you are lucky and this would be extremely inconvenient for most people.

I have three. And of course sometimes it doesn’t work and I have to say that I can’t. But when we can we do.

[Anonymous]

I have multiple carpools which are all handled with spreadsheets. You should be communicating directly with the parents.

[Anonymous]

If you can't accommodate it, then you say no. If you can, then say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would handle this by doing what is convenient for you. If it is convenient to add friend last minute, then do so. If it isn’t, don’t.

+1

You can say that the change does not work for you but the original plan does.

I agree with this but the OP described situations where the family is already on their way to take both kids and expects OP to just switch to picking up. If the OP already made plans they might not be able to do both drop off and pickup and there isn’t time to readjust. I would be upfront with the family and say that you can’t manage the last minute changes and don’t carpool. It sounds like it’s more annoying than helpful.

[Anonymous]

Uber for teens.

We gave up a while ago on being a parent version of uber and best thing ever. They can only go to approved destinations so giving kids a ride means they get picked up at our house.

[Anonymous]

I would just respond "Sorry, that doesn't work for us today" or some variation - until he stopped asking.

[Anonymous]

You 100 percent need to reach out and coordinate directly with the parents. The adults are the ones driving, so you need to make sure you're on the same page and clear, not rely on a kid transmitting the messages.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing these parents are checked out. You can try communicating with them, but, you may find the kid is actually more reliable. I'd have some grace for this kid. His parents probably semi-suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You 100 percent need to reach out and coordinate directly with the parents. The adults are the ones driving, so you need to make sure you're on the same page and clear, not rely on a kid transmitting the messages.

+1. There should be a carpool schedule for each week by Sunday night, with of course an occasional “let me get back to you about Wednesday, because X is still up in the air.”

[Anonymous]

I won’t talk to the parents. If I can’t accommodate the last minute request ( make me late, extra effort affect my schedule etc), I would just have teen reply and say sorry can’t do it, don’t really have to give a reason, you just have to set a boundary, not to say yes to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn’t bother me at all. I feel like that’s pretty typical of the way things went with my kids. But if it bothers you, just end the carpool. They’re not going to charge just because you want them too.

Were you the one always changing? Is your schedule wide open and you can drive at anytime? Either way, most people don't have that flexibility, and if you were the one always changing then that is inconsiderate.

Nope. I’m just really laid back and stuff like this doesn’t bother me. And I’m pretty lucky that I don’t live the kind of life that causes me to need so many last minute changes. My work schedule doesn’t change. Spouse’s doesn’t either. My kids don’t have emergencies. So we can be flexible.

Good lord. You think you're this nice person because you are privileged enough to have a ton of free time and apparently not a a lot of responsibility, but you don't have the empathy to understand that someone bulldozing a carpool arrangements minutes before is inconvenient for the OP? Glad you can be flexible. You don't seem very kind.

[Anonymous]

I'd say DS should not look at this phone 10 minutes before practice or open messages from this kid.

I don't think it would be so bad if the other kid texted "Can I have a ride home from practice today? And my mom can drive you there if you need". Rather than, "we're getting you". That's obnoxious. I do A LOT of driving for my kids and their friends, and I would not put up with that.