Getting cold shoulder from other parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Whatever. And then when you do that you invariably get invited to join someone's church, or handed their real estate agent card, or something else unwanted. The too friendly are often too friendly for a reason. Slow your roll.

I've been parenting in this area for 10 years and literally never been invited to join anyone's church or handed a real estate agent card by another parent. But also... it wouldn't be a big deal if that happened? "Oh, no thank you, we're not looking for a church. But I'm glad the community is working so well for your family." "Oh, thanks! We're not in the market for an agent but I'll keep it in mind [put card in purse, forget about it completely, throw it away when next cleaning out purse]." It's not hard.

But I will tell you what being friendly and pleasant to be around with other parents has gotten me: an easier life. My kids are in carpools that cut the amount of chauffeuring I have to do in half or more. We always have parents we can text for a biking or sledding meet up when my kids are bored. I got tipped off on a second Girl Scout troop starting in our neighborhood that I would never have learned about if I didn't interact with parents at playgrounds. And so on.

Parenting is not a solo sport and you are making it harder for everyone, including yourself, by refusing to develop some BASIC social skills in this part of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Sometimes I’m just tired and don’t feel like making small talk. I have enough friends already and even getting to the playground with the kids felt like an ordeal. I just want to be quiet for 15 minutes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Sometimes I’m just tired and don’t feel like making small talk. I have enough friends already and even getting to the playground with the kids felt like an ordeal. I just want to be quiet for 15 minutes!

Then you make eye contact, smile, say "how are you all today?" and then pull out your book or your phone and people will leave you alone.

It's not about being friends. These people don't even want to be your friends. They want people not to live in total silos without even acknowledging each other's existence of the fact that you are people living in the same neighborhood with kids the same age and likely will cross paths again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Sometimes I’m just tired and don’t feel like making small talk. I have enough friends already and even getting to the playground with the kids felt like an ordeal. I just want to be quiet for 15 minutes!

Then you make eye contact, smile, say "how are you all today?" and then pull out your book or your phone and people will leave you alone.

It's not about being friends. These people don't even want to be your friends. They want people not to live in total silos without even acknowledging each other's existence of the fact that you are people living in the same neighborhood with kids the same age and likely will cross paths again.

+1. PPs are being willfully obtuse. I have social anxiety and still manage to smile and say hello to other parents at the playground, even when tired. It's called basic manners and some people can't be bothered, so make excuses for their rudeness. And yes, chatting with other parents in the neighborhood has occasionally led to some valuable insights about our community and schools that are helpful for my family.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this happens. I just say hello loud enough so they can hear me, and move on with my day. Not my problem if they don’t acknowledge me. Keep being friendly OP, your kid is seeing you model basic manners and learn from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Whatever. And then when you do that you invariably get invited to join someone's church, or handed their real estate agent card, or something else unwanted. The too friendly are often too friendly for a reason. Slow your roll.

I've been parenting in this area for 10 years and literally never been invited to join anyone's church or handed a real estate agent card by another parent. But also... it wouldn't be a big deal if that happened? "Oh, no thank you, we're not looking for a church. But I'm glad the community is working so well for your family." "Oh, thanks! We're not in the market for an agent but I'll keep it in mind [put card in purse, forget about it completely, throw it away when next cleaning out purse]." It's not hard.

But I will tell you what being friendly and pleasant to be around with other parents has gotten me: an easier life. My kids are in carpools that cut the amount of chauffeuring I have to do in half or more. We always have parents we can text for a biking or sledding meet up when my kids are bored. I got tipped off on a second Girl Scout troop starting in our neighborhood that I would never have learned about if I didn't interact with parents at playgrounds. And so on.

Parenting is not a solo sport and you are making it harder for everyone, including yourself, by refusing to develop some BASIC social skills in this part of your life.

I hadn't either until recently when the parent of one my kid's good friends hit us up for money for their kid's sport. Nope.

But that is many years in and we are already friendly so not the same as the anti-social crowd. I was still shocked and displeased though.

[Anonymous]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. DC is the only place I’ve ever seen where wanting to get to know someone is seen as an insult or some great offense. And then people whine about how they have no friends or “village.” You did it to yourself, you lot.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM so I have spent a lot of time on playgrounds and I can tell you that if someone ignores you, it almost certainly has nothing to do with you. They're multitasking, they're stressed about something else, there could be a zillion things going on. Don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. DC is the only place I’ve ever seen where wanting to get to know someone is seen as an insult or some great offense. And then people whine about how they have no friends or “village.” You did it to yourself, you lot.

Totally agree. I really do think it has something to do with work obsession and being overly status conscious. Even in NY and LA, parents tend to be friendlier towards each other. There is something wrong with people here.

"I'm too tired to acknowledge the existence of other people" sounds like a mental health crisis. Here it's just Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

Sometimes I’m just tired and don’t feel like making small talk. I have enough friends already and even getting to the playground with the kids felt like an ordeal. I just want to be quiet for 15 minutes!

Then you make eye contact, smile, say "how are you all today?" and then pull out your book or your phone and people will leave you alone.

It's not about being friends. These people don't even want to be your friends. They want people not to live in total silos without even acknowledging each other's existence of the fact that you are people living in the same neighborhood with kids the same age and likely will cross paths again.

+1. PPs are being willfully obtuse. I have social anxiety and still manage to smile and say hello to other parents at the playground, even when tired. It's called basic manners and some people can't be bothered, so make excuses for their rudeness. And yes, chatting with other parents in the neighborhood has occasionally led to some valuable insights about our community and schools that are helpful for my family.

Yes to this. I also have social anxiety, but I make myself do it for my kids. It's just part of parenting.

It's rewarding when I see my kids mimicking these behaviors though. My older daughter has always been very naturally shy, but when we are at a playground or at her school, she always greets other kids and, if she knows them, uses their names. Sometimes that's all she feels comfortable doing -- she's not the kind of kid who is going to run over and start chatting unless she knows someone well. But she's seen me do this a million times with other parents and has learned to acknowledge and greet people, and to learn and use names. And as a result, my shy kid does ok socially, has friends, and is known and liked at school.

People don't get that they are teaching their kids to be rude and anti-social, making it harder for their kids in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I take my 2 year old son to outings like playgrounds, play rooms, and libraries a lot. I notice that other parents often give me the cold shoulder. Like for instance, at the playground, if their child is getting in my son’s space they’ll say “Give him space, Johnny” while never making eye contact me or addressing me or my son. It’s like everyone just wants to stay in their bubble. I often try to at least make eye contact and smile when I encounter other parents but they look past me.

Is this normal or is it just me? I’m not weird, dirty, or unattractive looking.

My kids are older but I remember this. I always thought it was because they didn't want to be interpreted as disciplining or directing your child, only their own.

This. And sometimes they are hoping you do the same too, OP, if your child is hogging something for longer than socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. DC is the only place I’ve ever seen where wanting to get to know someone is seen as an insult or some great offense. And then people whine about how they have no friends or “village.” You did it to yourself, you lot.

Totally agree. I really do think it has something to do with work obsession and being overly status conscious. Even in NY and LA, parents tend to be friendlier towards each other. There is something wrong with people here.

"I'm too tired to acknowledge the existence of other people" sounds like a mental health crisis. Here it's just Tuesday.

For real. Your life isn’t that stressful and exhausting that you can’t make small talk on the playground for 10-15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP isn't asking for friends or socializing. She finds it weird that these people don't engage with her at all, even when their children are interacting at a playground. She describes people as just looking past her. That's super anti-social.

I think parents should view one another like work colleagues. If you went to the office and refused to make eye contact or exchange greetings with coworkers, you would right be considered anti-social and rude. You don't have to be friends with coworkers or hang out with them after work. But you should figure out how to interact with them in a pleasant way while you are at work.

Well, when you are a parent, part of the job is playgrounds, and pick-up/drop-off at school, camp, and activities. People should learn to make eye contact, smile, even make idle chit chat with the parents you see in these places. You will often be seeing the same parents for years and years -- that woman you pretended did not exist at the neighborhood playground when your kids will 2? Guess what, five years later the two of you will be stuck sitting near each other for 3 hours at a soccer tournament or the 2nd grade zoo field trip or something. Go ahead and learn her freaking name and acknowledge her existence like a human being.

Were some of you raised by wolves or something?

AGREED!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. DC is the only place I’ve ever seen where wanting to get to know someone is seen as an insult or some great offense. And then people whine about how they have no friends or “village.” You did it to yourself, you lot.

This. It’s not you OP. DC playground culture is completely strange.

[Anonymous]

Oh no