How often does your spouse travel for work?

[Anonymous]

Hire an afternoon/evening nanny. Some college kid who will do laundry, set the table for dinner, prep the salad, etc. while watching whichever kid(s) that doesn't have an activity. 3-7pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? Do you get help when they are traveling?

My DH was only traveling about once a quarter so I was able to deal with it. The start of this year he already has 5 weeks of travel booked between the end of February till beginning of April.

We have 3 elementary aged kids who do activities and I work full time. We have car pools set up for the older ones (can’t reliably do it for the youngest who is still in a car seat/booster).

Any words of wisdom to help this go smoother?

I would consider it a bonus if your youngest that’s still in a car seat gets to their activities at all while your husband is out of town. But I’m not that great of a mom.

[Anonymous]

So I went to China and back three times in 7 weeks once. I now travel once or twice a month. My husband handles it, but we have after school/evening help every day. I don’t see how it would work without help or family that would help.

Some of it depends on how 9-5 your job is and whether you feel pressure to have your kids be in a bunch of activities where you think you actually have to show up.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't travel for work but I do. I am only gone for 2-3 days and I usually leave after drop off on the first day. I've cut it really close on my trip so he doesn't have to do so many drop offs. I usually find a carpool buddy or babysitter to help one of the days. When my trips are all week he will take a day off in the middle of the week. Obviously, that wouldn't work if I traveled every week.

[Anonymous]

I would get help...not just because of logistics but because it can be exhausting to be the only parent. Kids have needs, they fight with each other, they get sick, they get sad...it's emotionally draining, especially without another adult you can talk to about it.

Unless you have logistics you can't manage (not clear from your post), I would just focus on figuring out help for whatever you like to do least. Like if you don't like cooking and cleaning up, get someone to help with that. If you don't like driving, get help with that.

[Anonymous]

Buy a bubble bum and your younger child can also participate in car pools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire an afternoon/evening nanny. Some college kid who will do laundry, set the table for dinner, prep the salad, etc. while watching whichever kid(s) that doesn't have an activity. 3-7pm.

As someone with young kids and a spouse that frequently travels I would love to know where best to find someone like this…especially someone who is available on an ad-hoc schedule.

[Anonymous]

I hate to be all man-hating. I love men and I love my husband, but I’m super jealous that your life is logistically more difficult when your husband is out of town. I miss my husband when he is gone, and the house feels really quiet without him, but it’s much easier managing the kids and household and schedules on my own.

It’s possible that it won’t be that bad, OP. You might be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a mental exercise: what would you do if you weee traveling that much? Would you line up extra help for your husband and prepare extra each weekend? If so do the same for yourself and try to get your husband to help. He can find the carpools and babysitters too.

In my experience women who travel for work set their spouses up for success and plan out babysitters and have food set up ahead of time. Men just expect their spouse to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire an afternoon/evening nanny. Some college kid who will do laundry, set the table for dinner, prep the salad, etc. while watching whichever kid(s) that doesn't have an activity. 3-7pm.

As someone with young kids and a spouse that frequently travels I would love to know where best to find someone like this…especially someone who is available on an ad-hoc schedule.

You look for a college student and you make it a regular schedule — not ad hoc. So, if you have that person on Tuesdays and Thursdays then when you husband is home, you can go out to the movies, dinner, etc or just get stuff done.

[Anonymous]

Hire help

[Anonymous]

We both traveled for work when the kids were little and it was crazy but we somehow made it work. He was military and I manage large conferences and trade shows…truly insane when you consider it. We never had real regular help but had some decent babysitters, neighbors and even friends to help in a pinch. That and my MIL and SiLs would both occasionally come and stay.

One particularly challenging year, he was deployed and I had a ton of travel I flew my single, childless bff (who is a dude) in to watch them and our mutual friend found out and decided to drive in from Pittsburgh because she was convinced I had lost my mind. Kids are now 13 and 15 and doing great.

[Anonymous]

50%. 2 ES kid. No outside help. I WAH full-time. You just get used to it.

[Anonymous]

I would think about an au pair or part time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Carpools are great, but it is not other families' responsibility to cart your kids around. We plan our kids' activities and any paid support so that it is possible for one person to execute the week alone. Maybe it is hard, maybe you need to take PTO to make pick up and drop off, but it is possible. If there is a need to go two directions at the same time, IMO, you need paid or unpaid support that is not simply a carpool. I am more than happy to help people out but I personally a not comfortable imposing on another family by making them my permanent activities transportation or childcare plan unless there is true reciprocity in the arrangement. Two working parents where one is travelling like that should be able to afford childcare to cover gaps.