How often does your spouse travel for work?

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have? Do you get help when they are traveling?

My DH was only traveling about once a quarter so I was able to deal with it. The start of this year he already has 5 weeks of travel booked between the end of February till beginning of April.

We have 3 elementary aged kids who do activities and I work full time. We have car pools set up for the older ones (can’t reliably do it for the youngest who is still in a car seat/booster).

Any words of wisdom to help this go smoother?

[Anonymous]

Stick to your bedtime. In the early days, I would stay up longer, and the lack of sleep would backfire. On the trips when I made sleep the priority at night, I did much much better. Did not have extra help.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were younger we both traveled. So we had to carefully coordinate schedules. My travel tended to be short but frequent trips, DH tended to have infrequent but long international trips. We got help from my mother, who could do daycare/school pickup if needed. Otherwise we just had to deal with it. Looking back, I’m not sure how we did it. We only have 2 kids, not sure we could have done it with 3 kids, travel and very demanding jobs without a nanny or au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were younger we both traveled. So we had to carefully coordinate schedules. My travel tended to be short but frequent trips, DH tended to have infrequent but long international trips. We got help from my mother, who could do daycare/school pickup if needed. Otherwise we just had to deal with it. Looking back, I’m not sure how we did it. We only have 2 kids, not sure we could have done it with 3 kids, travel and very demanding jobs without a nanny or au pair.

Just adding - sounds like you need to hire afternoon/evening help. Maybe a college student?

[Anonymous]

If your parents and in-laws are healthy, sensible, retired and into grandparening, move them near you to make life easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I had to become a SAHM due to my DH's workload and travels. I was in training and our green card and mortgage depended on his job.

[Anonymous]

Mine is gone about two full weekends per month. We have three kids. I used to hate it when they were little, but now that two are teens and one is elementary- it isn’t bad at all.
We have our “just mom” routine of things we do when he’s gone that we all like. I never had help- honestly, it was fine.

[Anonymous]

So he'll be gone 5 of 7 weeks or so? I'd definitely look into hiring some help. Will he be home in between trips or is it 5 weeks solid?

[Anonymous]

A couple of times a month, sometimes with very little warning. My two DCs are older now, but DH traveled even more when they were young. We had a nanny who was with us on weekdays from 8:00 am until 6:00 pm, and I'm not sure how I could have done it without her---especially when the kids had different schedules because of school, etc. Aside from that, I found that it helped to have established, consistent routines for bedtime and the mornings.

[Anonymous]

We have one toddler and DH travels 7 or 8 days per month. My parents help out with daycare pickup when he's gone. I also try to get out of the house in the evenings and eat dinner at my parents' or with other mom friends whose kids DD plays with.

[Anonymous]

Every week. I had help when they were little. Now it isn’t bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stick to your bedtime. In the early days, I would stay up longer, and the lack of sleep would backfire. On the trips when I made sleep the priority at night, I did much much better. Did not have extra help.

This is golden advice. Also at some point towards the middle of his trip, try and get an afternoon or evening to yourself.

Like take the day off of work and be alone to get your head on. Reset. It keeps you from burning out.

My husband used to travel for multi week international trips. And we’re not well off. It was all paid for by the contract. It was exhausting when my baby was small and got easier once she was in daycare. Now in middle school we have way fewer trips pop up and they give more notice. It’s OK to do cheater meals like a frozen pizza now again. Take as many shortcuts as you can and let your house get a little messy. Don’t feel like you have to stay on top of everything. It will all be there when it gets back too lol. Let yourself be imperfect.

You’ve got this!

[Anonymous]

Adding when he’s home, it will usually take a day/ days for him to re-orient. That doesn’t mean it’s all on you still but don’t expect that he’ll be hands-on when it gets back.

Although I will say sometimes I leave as soon as he gets home and go to the movies or dinner. I mean, the kids are fed and I help with bedtime, but then my ass is out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? Do you get help when they are traveling?

My DH was only traveling about once a quarter so I was able to deal with it. The start of this year he already has 5 weeks of travel booked between the end of February till beginning of April.

We have 3 elementary aged kids who do activities and I work full time. We have car pools set up for the older ones (can’t reliably do it for the youngest who is still in a car seat/booster).

Any words of wisdom to help this go smoother?

We’ve had a family member come and stay with us when I traveled for 5–10 days when our kids were really little. We have three kids and two older dogs with health issues and my husband is out of the house 12 hours a day and our nanny worked 9 hours a day at the time, so there were gaps.

If there isn’t a family member who can assist then you could ask a babysitter to help or look over the schedule and where there are conflicts cut activities for each child for the period your husband is away, so it’s spread between the kids and one kid isn’t always missing their activity.

[Anonymous]

Preschooler and baby. DH will end up traveling not-quite monthly this year and I will travel 2-3 times. We only get help for our one overlapping trip. We eat “kid food” for dinners and there’s always one pizza night. I have the kids do chores with me and try to have everything done for the night before the older one goes to bed so I get some time to myself. I also really try to prioritize working out on my lunch break as it makes me nicer/more patient.