Disruptive kids in class

[Anonymous]

Are we being punked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went to private growing up and kids who were poorly behaved or disruptive were counseled out. Have things changed? Her public school had many more and worse behaved kids, so while this is still an improvement, I expected most kids at private to be fairly well behaved, especially at one that has a low admit rate and high tuition.

You want six and seven year olds counseled out? Wow….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not that this is necessarily the reason, but this is right around the age that ADHD tends to really impact boys in the classroom. My DS was pretty impulsive and annoying for the first half of 2nd grade until we figured out what was happening and got him evaluated and got effective treatment. But we were very on top of it and were working very closely with the teachers the whole time but I'm sure there were kids who told their parents he was annoying. He is a very well behaved, diligent student now.

In any case, I'm saying this because none of this sounds especially concerning yet and I agree that you will come off as high maintenance if you make a point to complain right now. If it was directly hurting your DD (physical violence, bullying etc), obviously that's different. You can certainly discuss it in parent-teacher conferences in a productive way by talking about how your child learns best and whether there is a way to help her focus away from kids who are not as focused.

It's also important to remember that there is a chance that your DD is exaggerating or you are not getting the full story. Use it as an opportunity to teach your kid how to cope with some adversity. She will never have a completely distraction-free learning environment and she is building important social skills. You would know if it's totally out-of-hand and this does not sound like it. And there is a good chance these kids will mature (or get help if there is something like ADHD) or they will likely get counseled out.

+1

Very likely the school and parents are working to address the issue, but solutions take time, especially if it might involve being tested and/or medication. You say the parents have been called in. The school is working on it. Let the people involved try to help these students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went to private growing up and kids who were poorly behaved or disruptive were counseled out. Have things changed? Her public school had many more and worse behaved kids, so while this is still an improvement, I expected most kids at private to be fairly well behaved, especially at one that has a low admit rate and high tuition.

You want six and seven year olds counseled out? Wow….

6...7...

[Anonymous]

So many disruptive, rude, not nice boys at our (well regarded on dcum) K-8 private. The main boy’s parents wrote giant checks for the school so he and his gang of friends got to behave badly with no consequences year after year till graduation. At this private, the HOS and teachers and admin all checked the parental donation list before they decided how to handle kids. Big donors’ kids had no consequences for their bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

2 kids? The world is being taken over by fascists and is essentially ending. I hope those 2 kids can start a fire and forage for food while your precious snowflake is being micromanaged by you.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a joke. What would I do? Nothing.

Paying tuition doesn’t buy a disruption-free bubble, it buys a better overall environment. Stay out of it, let the school do its job (but as others have said, doing its job doesn’t mean exiting the kids and you may not ever know what they haven’t or haven’t been working on with the family), and don’t be that parent in year one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, my oldest is enjoying her first year in elementary school at one of the competitive K-12 schools. One of the main reasons we applied to private was to get away from the public school situation where every year there were a few highly disruptive kids in class who really halted learning for everyone.

My daughter really likes her new school, and I am generally pleased that the curriculum seems stronger and moves faster, class size is much smaller and the teachers seem great, other parents and kids have been welcoming, and obviously the facilities are a major upgrade from our public school. However, there are 2 kids in class whom my daughter claims are regularly and significantly disrupting class. She says they will speak while the teacher is speaking, get out of their seats, and encourage others in the class to be disruptive. It sounds like this is occurring throughout homeroom and specials classes. For example, in foreign language class today, my daughter says the 2 boys were both shouting "6 7" when other kids were trying to speak. In technology class, the boys were encouraging others to stand up and dance numerous times. My daughter says this really interrupts class and diminished learning for everyone. She was griping today about how they couldn't get to a game everyone else had been looking forward to playing in foreign language class because the teacher spent so much time correcting and disciplining the 2 boys. It sounds like the situation with the 2 boys has been going on since the beginning of the year and isn't improving.

According to my daughter, the school's approach to the boys' behavior has been to continually and constantly correct them. I do know they have met with at least one of the boy's parents, as the parents mentioned it offhand to me that they were dealing with some behavior problems with their son and they'd been called into school twice to discuss it.

I'm frustrated because I feel like a huge part of the reason I'm paying this staggering tuition is to get my kid out of classes with kids who are disruptive. As far as I can tell, both boys are not kid of major donors nor offering some intriguing diversity to the class - they appear to be from wealthy-ish garden variety full pay tuition white families, like my own.

I'm not sure how to proceed. My daughter has asked me a few times to reach out to the school admin and/or her teachers and express my concern about the situation. I would absolutely be in favor of doing this, except that we have 2 younger siblings we are hoping to get admitted in coming years (despite the disruptions from these boys, the school is still a huge step up from public and we would like our other kids to be admitted). The school has a very low admissions rate. I don't want to be seen as a nuisance and complaining parent. Our daughter is a model student and doing well there as far as we've been told. We donated fairly generously when asked (not enough to be stand out donors, but enough to be respectable).

What would you do?

Your snowflake will be fine. You cannot buy her a perfect life.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be totally fair to mention it to the teacher. Sometimes it helps them to be able to tell admin that other families are complaining about these kids. Just do it constructively without mentioning teachers’ lack of classroom control. Just say it’s really distracting and bothers your child to the point that she asked you to tell the teacher so you thought you should say something.

[Anonymous]

My kid dealt with that in 3rd grade at a Local private. It was really bad. Beyond anything you can imagine. We lasted one year and got the hell out. This can happen at any school, public or private. It is pure luck of the draw. Many privates are filled with problem kids that “needed” a smaller school. Nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid dealt with that in 3rd grade at a Local private. It was really bad. Beyond anything you can imagine. We lasted one year and got the hell out. This can happen at any school, public or private. It is pure luck of the draw. Many privates are filled with problem kids that “needed” a smaller school. Nothing you can do.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many disruptive, rude, not nice boys at our (well regarded on dcum) K-8 private. The main boy’s parents wrote giant checks for the school so he and his gang of friends got to behave badly with no consequences year after year till graduation. At this private, the HOS and teachers and admin all checked the parental donation list before they decided how to handle kids. Big donors’ kids had no consequences for their bad behavior.

+1. This happened at our K-8. We had a disruptive boy problem and a bad mean girl problem. The weak head did nothing because one parent was on the board($$) annd another parent was a teacher there (yes, terrible conflict). We have it a year, then voted with our feet. It was the very best decision for our children.

[Anonymous]

This can also be an opportunity to teach your daughter empathy, patience and resilience.

You can explain to her that not everyone is wired the same way, and some can have more energy and excitement than they can manage at times. That doesn’t make them bad, just different.

She can work on understanding that she won’t be surrounded by people exactly like her in life, and learning to deal with uncomfortable feelings (tolerating the nuisances or not getting her favorite game each time.).

Kids need to be taught to be resilient and self reliant on and not have their parents step in to address each and every discomfort.

[Anonymous]

This used to be seen as a “public school” issue. Not anymore. I pulled my kids from an “elite” private school precisely because classroom disruptions became routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people have too much time in your hands. These are 1st-3rd grade boys, not adults. No need to be so invested in their lives and complain about any small inconvenience. Life’s tough; get a helmet.

Her kid deserves the best disruption free education.