Regrets about the stress I caused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s likely genetic. You are prone to anxiety as are they.
Hugs OP

This!!!

[Anonymous]

It’s not the nurture issue.
My mother was mentally ill, hoarding, anxiety, depression. You name it. My father has his share of issues but is an optimistic person. I have inherited his optimism whereas my sibling is prone to depression and very mild hoarding. It’s purely luck of the generic draw

[Anonymous]

What are your kids stressed about? They can’t find a job or boyfriend/girlfriend conflict? Your post is too vague.

[Anonymous]

+ It is genetic! For sure, anxiety is genetic but... you can still model good behavior that is especially helpful for anxiety: sleep, healthy diet and exercise.

You can do it!! Not too late. Hug to you and to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Your kids know that you did the best you could at the time. Give yourself a break!

[Anonymous]

This post is just your anxiety expressing itself. Your kids are OK. Get the help you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to say the fact that you have this curiosity and awareness is amazing. If my mother even demonstrated an inkling of awareness around her anxiety and its past and current impact on us it would be an absolute miracle.

Having that is a huge plus and gives you a lot of material to work with!

+100. If you are even thinking like this, you're so far ahead of many people with anxiety. I salute you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in their 20s. They both have chronic diseases that I believe are caused by stress, and I think they’re susceptible to stress because I was a very stressed and anxious parent. I really tried to not pass on my issues but of course kids are like sponges. Raising them I was basically just trying to stay afloat mentally and I know hindsight is 20/20. But I still have regrets. It makes me sad. That’s all.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did your best with what you had, and so did they.

What did the other adults in their lives do? Father, Grandparents, aunts or uncles or cousins or teachers or coaches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to throw something out there.

Your fear that your anxiety when they were growing up is causing their current adult health problems is yet another manifestation of your anxiety and tells me that it’s still not under control.

Rather than focusing on what you could have done differently in the past, focus on what you can do NOW to make their lives and their lives better and that’s to treat your anxiety. Get a therapist and start working on it. It’s not too late.

My creds: my mom was anxious when I was growing up. It had a (small) negative impact on me, but mostly she was a great mom. It’s still negatively impacting me now, and I’d love if she got it treated.

OP, please listen to this. What’s done is done, see what you can change going forward.

[Anonymous]

I have apologized to my children for the really big parenting mistakes I've made, and they do appreciate that. They have seen me try to change, and I think that helps both them and me. It's not too late. My kids are 17 and 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to throw something out there.

Your fear that your anxiety when they were growing up is causing their current adult health problems is yet another manifestation of your anxiety and tells me that it’s still not under control.

Rather than focusing on what you could have done differently in the past, focus on what you can do NOW to make their lives and their lives better and that’s to treat your anxiety. Get a therapist and start working on it. It’s not too late.

My creds: my mom was anxious when I was growing up. It had a (small) negative impact on me, but mostly she was a great mom. It’s still negatively impacting me now, and I’d love if she got it treated.

+1 good answer. It’s not too late to get help and model something different for them going forward.

My mom was also extremely depressed and anxious and it affected us a lot as kids so I’m trying to handle my anxiety differently in adulthood. But she STILL ruminates and tells us about “everything she did wrong” with us as kids and harps on potential future catastrophes like we are all irreversibly damaged and doomed. It doesn’t help.

Eh, that remains to be seen. I have a relative that’s always been a bit difficult to deal with. She got diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago and got even more difficult because she is still doing what she’s been doing and now is demanding more on top of that because “anxiety!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have apologized to my children for the really big parenting mistakes I've made, and they do appreciate that. They have seen me try to change, and I think that helps both them and me. It's not too late. My kids are 17 and 20.

Same. Mine are 19 and 22, and I’ve had tough conversations with them where I’ve listened to what they have to say and I’ve apologized for my big mistakes as well.

A big key is honestly listening and letting them air it out, and while I’ve explained the choices I made at the time, I acknowledged my choices weren’t always right, and apologized for what my kids experienced. And wished I had known then what I know now.