Regrets about the stress I caused

[Anonymous]

My kids are in their 20s. They both have chronic diseases that I believe are caused by stress, and I think they’re susceptible to stress because I was a very stressed and anxious parent. I really tried to not pass on my issues but of course kids are like sponges. Raising them I was basically just trying to stay afloat mentally and I know hindsight is 20/20. But I still have regrets. It makes me sad. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Yoga and Breathing Exercises. For you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

If you only had one child I'd think you were my friend.

[Anonymous]

It’s likely genetic. You are prone to anxiety as are they.
Hugs OP

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you did a lot right, too.

[Anonymous]

Don’t blame yourself. You did your best. We all pass things along to our kids. None of us are perfect parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s likely genetic. You are prone to anxiety as are they.
Hugs OP

+1. Give yourself grace, OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to throw something out there.

Your fear that your anxiety when they were growing up is causing their current adult health problems is yet another manifestation of your anxiety and tells me that it’s still not under control.

Rather than focusing on what you could have done differently in the past, focus on what you can do NOW to make their lives and their lives better and that’s to treat your anxiety. Get a therapist and start working on it. It’s not too late.

My creds: my mom was anxious when I was growing up. It had a (small) negative impact on me, but mostly she was a great mom. It’s still negatively impacting me now, and I’d love if she got it treated.

[Anonymous]

It's likely genetics. Anxiety is a highly genetically inheritable trait. Your children could have been raised by adoptive parents and still be anxious, because they inherited that genetic profile from you.

An example: both my parents have different, serious, auto-immune diseases. I have two mild, well-managed, auto-immune diseases. My daughter was unfortunately diagnosed with a potentially serious auto-immune disease, that thankfully right now is still in the early stages. I really hope my other children have nothing in that department, but they could be diagnosed at any point in their lives.

Also, we are all highly anxious in the family.

The question should be: does anxiety and other mental illnesses tend to occur at greater frequencies in populations with auto-immune diseases (or other types of illness)? Perhaps. It still doesn't mean one caused the other. It means there is a cluster of inheritable mutations that cause both anxiety AND that other disease to be expressed in the same person.

- geneticist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to throw something out there.

Your fear that your anxiety when they were growing up is causing their current adult health problems is yet another manifestation of your anxiety and tells me that it’s still not under control.

Rather than focusing on what you could have done differently in the past, focus on what you can do NOW to make their lives and their lives better and that’s to treat your anxiety. Get a therapist and start working on it. It’s not too late.

My creds: my mom was anxious when I was growing up. It had a (small) negative impact on me, but mostly she was a great mom. It’s still negatively impacting me now, and I’d love if she got it treated.

+1 good answer. It’s not too late to get help and model something different for them going forward.

My mom was also extremely depressed and anxious and it affected us a lot as kids so I’m trying to handle my anxiety differently in adulthood. But she STILL ruminates and tells us about “everything she did wrong” with us as kids and harps on potential future catastrophes like we are all irreversibly damaged and doomed. It doesn’t help.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say the fact that you have this curiosity and awareness is amazing. If my mother even demonstrated an inkling of awareness around her anxiety and its past and current impact on us it would be an absolute miracle.

Having that is a huge plus and gives you a lot of material to work with!

[Anonymous]

I too feel that my anxiety made my kids anxious for life. I inherited it from my mother. I did try to manage it as much as I could but life's been overwhelming so only had so much control over it.

[Anonymous]

I feel like immigrants have more anxiety. Is this true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t blame yourself. You did your best. We all pass things along to our kids. None of us are perfect parents.

This. You did your best. My parents passed some issues to me, including alcoholism, but I knew I was loved, and I am extremely close to my 86 year old mom today (dad has passed).

Also, in the day of social media, I do not think you can assume the issues are due to your actions or primarily due to your actions.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

" I think they’re susceptible to stress because I was a very stressed and anxious parent."

Yes. Because you have a bunch of genes for anxiety. Your children will resemble you no matter who raises them.