Never a How are You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she's on the spectrum: she's thoughtful about other people, but she ignores social niceties that she deems useless (because they are, to be honest). That's very typical for someone with high-functioning autism. My teen daughter is like this as well. The psychologist who diagnosed her explained in the feedback session that she cannot ignore certain social manners, even if they're entirely ridiculous and serve no purpose, because it's important for others to understand what she wants to signal.

This. Even Sheldon’s character in Big Bang Theory reminds himself constantly of “the the social normal convention is…”. There a whole episode about how gift giving rituals are useless but in the end he gives a gift to demonstrate to his girlfriend how pointless it is. It’s a very well written character. Maybe OP’s daughter is like this. Also, in the show Sheldon’s mom was a bit like OP - she taught him the “normal social conventions” and he knew he had to follow them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GenZ doesn’t seem to be adopting boomerism in communication. GenX understands the useless niceties and idioms but tends to expect it less. No idea about millennials but GenZ hasn’t adopted any of this.

They stay in contact with people they care about via text while they are traveling. There’s no need for a big ooh how was the trip, spill all the beans! They don’t do big juicy scoops or let’s chit chat. They see this as disingenuous.

Times change.

Absolutely false!! I’m GenX and I went to dinner with a friend to specifically hear about her trip. She’s millennial. I care about the niceties and communicate F2F without a phone but still communicate with a phone too. I teach my kids the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha, speaking of judgy…
I see this as a determent in future relationships, jobs. People will not continue to put in the effort if she doesn’t.
But thanks for concern.

Ignore that poster, OP. Your daughter does need to get with the program. She's 19. She's old enough to know what to say, and if she doesn't there's a problem, like the first PP explained.

j

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She will learn this when she starts working a "real" job

No she won’t. She’s 19, not 10 - OP needs to teach her in to unsubtle way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound extremely emotional and she sounds very logical.

The way you do life is not right and her approach life wrong.

Says the person with no social skills from their parents basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will learn this when she starts working a "real" job

No she won’t. She’s 19, not 10 - OP needs to teach her in to unsubtle way.

OP says she has tons of friends, is very social and only behaves this way with her family. She’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will learn this when she starts working a "real" job

No she won’t. She’s 19, not 10 - OP needs to teach her in to unsubtle way.

OP says she has tons of friends, is very social and only behaves this way with her family. She’s fine.

I hope you're right. I think her friends let it slide more, which is fine since time spent together is more fleeting.

She did have a recent relationship break up. He was her opposite in this regard, very warm and socially inquisitive.
I think it is a skill she needs to work on, so it doesn't get worse. A good new year resolution!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter simply doesn’t care
Let’s call it what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter simply doesn’t care
Let’s call it what it is.

Reading comprehension, she fully engages, thoughtful once conversation is initiated.
Again, it’s not a major issue but I can see it becoming one.

Thanks all for the helpful feedback!

[Anonymous]

She probably doesn’t like you so can’t fake the social niceties.

[Anonymous]

This is also a change in relationship dynamic. For most of your daughter's life, you were asking HER things. How was your day, what do you need, what do you want to do, etc. Its not natural for all kids at the same time to turn that back around with their parents. The helicopter generation has not helped with this. These young adults still think they are the center of the world. It will take them longer to mature the part of their brain that you are hoping her to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably doesn’t like you so can’t fake the social niceties.

More reading comprehension + projection 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably doesn’t like you so can’t fake the social niceties.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably doesn’t like you so can’t fake the social niceties.

More reading comprehension + projection 😀

+1, dumb miserable people project

[Anonymous]

My daughter is older, but the same.

Even when she asks, it is not genuine.