Moving an elderly person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her living situation? Does she have the money for a retirement/continuing care facility. She needs socialization. It doesn't have to be you. What can she afford? What she can afford drives this decision
(which doesn't involve moving her to you)
Instead, you visit her where she is every 3-4 weeks. Stay at a hotel. If she has more money than you and you can't afford that, ask her to pay for it.

We need more info OP, especially about finances.

OP said she is in AL. AL have plenty of socialization.

OP, does she get tired easily? If so, she may actually be happier with calls and Facetime from you and you fly out when you can rather than a set scheduled where you fly out every 3-4 weeks. By that age my elders were wiped out by any visit and preferred their routine. They have more control with Facetime or a call because they can get off without kicking you out. Definitely visit and consider hiring someone who can advocate. Then you have trained eyes to make sure she is getting what she needs, but you don't burn out and she doesn't get wiped out feeling she needs to be entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am on the East Coast two weeks on, then in the Midwest for one week. 20:08, on a practical basis, I cannot stay on the East Coast as much as I do now. 19:59, I could probably do every two weeks for 3-4 days.

Can you talk to your mom about it? She may feel just fine with the schedule that’s doable for you. If you can organize others to visit a bit on your off weeks, and try to have them come on a not too predictable schedule, it will give you some peace of mind and keep her AL on their toes a bit.

Normally I would say this is a great idea, but it all depends on cognitive and that isn't just whether the person has dementia. Even without dementia they can be irrational and unrealistic. Figure out what works for you and what is sustainable.

[Anonymous]

If she was 75-80 I would seriously be figuring out how to move her closer. In her mid 90s? OP, I agree with others a move would be too hard physically and mentally / emotionally. I would just plan on going to see her less often but making sure she is set up for calls and FaceTime if possible.

[Anonymous]

I really disagree with the people saying not to move her. The move will be stressful but it is more important to have her closer to you. Better for her and you.

There are a lot of ways to do it - you can hire 1:1 aides and work with the airline, get a medical flight, etc.

[Anonymous]

The move will be hard but caregiving from afar is horrible - btdt. I would move her asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with the people saying not to move her. The move will be stressful but it is more important to have her closer to you. Better for her and you.

There are a lot of ways to do it - you can hire 1:1 aides and work with the airline, get a medical flight, etc.

Elderly people decline much more quickly when you move them. This is terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with the people saying not to move her. The move will be stressful but it is more important to have her closer to you. Better for her and you.

There are a lot of ways to do it - you can hire 1:1 aides and work with the airline, get a medical flight, etc.

Elderly people decline much more quickly when you move them. This is terrible advice.

+1. Much better to hire 1:1 aides to help her with necessary tasks and keep you updated with any changes in between your visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with the people saying not to move her. The move will be stressful but it is more important to have her closer to you. Better for her and you.

There are a lot of ways to do it - you can hire 1:1 aides and work with the airline, get a medical flight, etc.

Elderly people decline much more quickly when you move them. This is terrible advice.

+1. Much better to hire 1:1 aides to help her with necessary tasks and keep you updated with any changes in between your visits.

+100 You can hire a Care Manager to check on her and advocate for anything needed and consult back with you. That person can also bring in any services needed like a travelling speech therapist is she had a stroke (sorry to be so grim, but my mother needed this). They are usually pretty warm and friendly and know how to win over just about anyone so your mom will likely enjoy the visits especially since the whole point it to make sure she gets everything she needs.

Moving someone at that age is definitely a recipe for rapid decline and so much guilt. Call/Face time/ visit when you can and just make sure you have a good set up where she is already adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Just visit less. She had a long life. It’s time to think about you, OP. She gets care and that’s enough.