Moving an elderly person
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Anonymous
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I live in the Midwest but commute to a job in the Northeast, where my mom, who is in her mid 90s lives. She is now in assisted living and needs oxygen. I am the only caretaker.
Planning to shortly retire and be full time in the Midwest. Does it make sense to move her out there? How would I even do it? See no way she could handle a 1 1/2 hour plane ride. But when I move, she has nobody to visit (I usually see her a couple of times a week). I feel seriously guilty. She also wants to be buried in the Northeast next to my father and sister so that is sadly a consideration. |
Anonymous
| Talk to the airlines. They have ways to transport very ill people. Wheelchairs and stretchers. At least in my country of origin. |
Anonymous
| So you commute several times a week right now and live in the Midwest? Why not just commute a day or two a week when you are retired to visit and no one needs to relocate. Mid-90s means she has only a few years to go at most. |
Anonymous
| Stay east coast unto she dies. |
Anonymous
| OP: I am on the East Coast two weeks on, then in the Midwest for one week. 20:08, on a practical basis, I cannot stay on the East Coast as much as I do now. 19:59, I could probably do every two weeks for 3-4 days. |
Anonymous
Can you talk to your mom about it? She may feel just fine with the schedule that’s doable for you. If you can organize others to visit a bit on your off weeks, and try to have them come on a not too predictable schedule, it will give you some peace of mind and keep her AL on their toes a bit. |
Anonymous
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I would not move her. It would be too disruptive not just the actual flight but old people get confused. They wanna know where their stuff is. They work a lot on muscle motor memory.
It’s very disorienting to be in a different home environment at this age. Are you saying the assisted-living cannot handle her medical care? |
Anonymous
| Burial should not be an issue. Transportation can be arranged for burial. Funeral homes take care of it. |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
OP: cannot afford an East Coast apartment + upkeep a house in the Midwest if I am retired. |
Anonymous
This. It won't be that bad. If she wants to be near her loved one's grave, of course that is important. There are senior transportation companies that can help you through this and even send an aide on your trip with you. But I agree, best not to move her. |
Anonymous
| Do not move her a you go visit her. She will see you a lot less. That just has to be ok. |
Anonymous
| Fly out to visit her every 4-6 weeks. |
Anonymous
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What is her living situation? Does she have the money for a retirement/continuing care facility. She needs socialization. It doesn't have to be you. What can she afford? What she can afford drives this decision
(which doesn't involve moving her to you) Instead, you visit her where she is every 3-4 weeks. Stay at a hotel. If she has more money than you and you can't afford that, ask her to pay for it. We need more info OP, especially about finances. |
Anonymous
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At that age, I would keep her where she is. If you can afford to I would hire a care manager where she is and have that person visit periodically to assess and chat That person can monitor things and also handle any emergencies when you can't be there right away. We have found a care manager is better able to advocate than we are (they take her more seriously) and she quickly lines of services as needed. For example, if your parent needs more care than the AL provides after a hospital stay, the CM can assess and quickly line up aides, and find an OT/PT or whatever is needed to come to the AL to work with her.
At that age, I think there is far more risk moving her. She is likely to decline more rapidly. She likley has connections at her AL so I would not feel guilty. Call and Face-time and visit when you can. You could also hire a companion. Routine and familiarity make a big difference. Let her stay. |