Colleague is a mansplainer who asserts authority

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like fun. It does sound like he was brought in at a higher salary to whip the inherited team into shape, or encourage them to leave.

It just sounds to me like he was brought on at a higher salary because he's the manager's friend.

And the manager wants him to help clean house.

[Anonymous]

Apply for a job where you are wanted and respected. That’s what he did.

[Anonymous]

Is the mansplaining hurting you, or do you just feel a need to be coddled at work?

[Anonymous]

Is he hot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re both in our 50s — he’s a few years older— and very seasoned in our fields. Since he was hired last year, we’ve had a not so great rapport. he talks down to me or explains my job to me. I’ve been here for several years. We have the same degrees and good experience, but he can’t seem to help treating me like an intern or in some cases, attempt to give me orders. He has no authority to. I did learn he’s paid more, though. How would you handle this without getting into a spat. He’s one of our managers handpicked hires— she inherited me from someone else.

I'd ask for a raise! I hate when men are paid more for the same job. I'd probably shut him down every time he tries to mansplain, as I have to do with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like fun. It does sound like he was brought in at a higher salary to whip the inherited team into shape, or encourage them to leave.

It just sounds to me like he was brought on at a higher salary because he's the manager's friend.

or more trusted and experienced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the mansplaining hurting you, or do you just feel a need to be coddled at work?

Sorry, are you pro mansplaining? No one benefits in a situation where women have to constantly repeat themselves and have their ideas validated in order to be believed. It’s a giant waste of time. It’s not coddling someone to treat them with respect. But I’m guessing you’re beyond help if you don’t understand that already.

[Anonymous]

What does this have to do with this colleague being a man? So he wouldn't do this with a man?

[Anonymous]

I have colleagues like this and I am just calm and direct. If they explain things I will repeatedly say “I already know” and redirect them to what I need or what I have asked. I ignore the obnoxious stuff and focus on what is needed. A lot of the mansplainer types are pretty insecure at their core, so being grouchy and antagonistic with them, while tempting, is hugely counterproductive and will cause more grief in the long run. I just reinforce the good and ignore the bad, kind of like a puppy honestly. It has worked well in several of my long running work relationships although some days I really REALLY have to bite my tongue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does this have to do with this colleague being a man? So he wouldn't do this with a man?

OP had no complaint about the woman who hired the new guy she things is a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the mansplaining hurting you, or do you just feel a need to be coddled at work?

Sorry, are you pro mansplaining? No one benefits in a situation where women have to constantly repeat themselves and have their ideas validated in order to be believed. It’s a giant waste of time. It’s not coddling someone to treat them with respect. But I’m guessing you’re beyond help if you don’t understand that already.

OP didn't saying anything like that was happening. She complained that the new guy explained things she already knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the mansplaining hurting you, or do you just feel a need to be coddled at work?

Sorry, are you pro mansplaining? No one benefits in a situation where women have to constantly repeat themselves and have their ideas validated in order to be believed. It’s a giant waste of time. It’s not coddling someone to treat them with respect. But I’m guessing you’re beyond help if you don’t understand that already.

OP didn't saying anything like that was happening. She complained that the new guy explained things she already knew.

She said her colleague was a mansplainer. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

OP, let me just say—since he’s been around the block a bit and has a very analytical mind—that there’s actually quite a lot he can explain to you about how your job really works, even if you think you already know it. Sometimes when you’re in a role, you miss the bigger picture, and that’s where his perspective could be invaluable. If you’re open to it (and I strongly recommend you be), this is a great opportunity for you to absorb some insights, best practices, and efficiencies that he’s picked up over time—things you might not have considered yet. Think of it less as him correcting you and more as him generously sharing knowledge, because honestly, you’ll advance much faster if you take advantage of what he has to teach you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the mansplaining hurting you, or do you just feel a need to be coddled at work?

I LOVE firing people like PP. At every role I’ve come into, I’ve been able to quickly identify a couple of @ssholes to fire. It does such great things for organizational morale when people who go out of their way to be disagreeable (to the extent of classifying minimal standards of professionalism as “coddling”) get let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me just say—since he’s been around the block a bit and has a very analytical mind—that there’s actually quite a lot he can explain to you about how your job really works, even if you think you already know it. Sometimes when you’re in a role, you miss the bigger picture, and that’s where his perspective could be invaluable. If you’re open to it (and I strongly recommend you be), this is a great opportunity for you to absorb some insights, best practices, and efficiencies that he’s picked up over time—things you might not have considered yet. Think of it less as him correcting you and more as him generously sharing knowledge, because honestly, you’ll advance much faster if you take advantage of what he has to teach you.

The mansplainer has entered the chat.