Colleague is a mansplainer who asserts authority

[Anonymous]

We’re both in our 50s — he’s a few years older— and very seasoned in our fields. Since he was hired last year, we’ve had a not so great rapport. he talks down to me or explains my job to me. I’ve been here for several years. We have the same degrees and good experience, but he can’t seem to help treating me like an intern or in some cases, attempt to give me orders. He has no authority to. I did learn he’s paid more, though. How would you handle this without getting into a spat. He’s one of our managers handpicked hires— she inherited me from someone else.

[Anonymous]

You need to figure out if he is just an arrogant mansplainer or if you aren't actually performing well enough that he has been given the directive to make your department more efficient.

If he is wrong, and/or you already know what he is telling you, then say, Yes, Bob, I know that. Yes, Bob, I've already started that.

The inherited piece is what gives me pause regarding your position of importance.

[Anonymous]

i would just reframe "john, if you feel that you need a refresher on this, i'm happy to help. but please schedule some time where i can help you talk it over, this is not the time or place."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out if he is just an arrogant mansplainer or if you aren't actually performing well enough that he has been given the directive to make your department more efficient.

If he is wrong, and/or you already know what he is telling you, then say, Yes, Bob, I know that. Yes, Bob, I've already started that.

The inherited piece is what gives me pause regarding your position of importance.

For background we have a large team. Lady boss who hired us was moved and new one took over and filled vacancies with her own people she chose (all friends of friends).

[Anonymous]

I hate guys like that. So cringe. Just know he can’t help it. He’s like my Father in Law, I swear there must have been something in their baby formula during those formative years.

They can’t handle directness so here’s what I would do - With the brightest smile possible - Is there something about how I do my job that is an issue for you? ……. Because this is the third time that you’ve xyz’ed, and I’m just wondering why you need to explain my job to me when I’ve been doing it for the last 5 years….. I mean know that I am open to feedback anytime but I don’t need to relive (the meeting, the project tasks, the next steps) everytime - We can just get on with it - right?’

[Anonymous]

Start womansplaining and talking down to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out if he is just an arrogant mansplainer or if you aren't actually performing well enough that he has been given the directive to make your department more efficient.

If he is wrong, and/or you already know what he is telling you, then say, Yes, Bob, I know that. Yes, Bob, I've already started that.

The inherited piece is what gives me pause regarding your position of importance.

For background we have a large team. Lady boss who hired us was moved and new one took over and filled vacancies with her own people she chose (all friends of friends).

Unfortunately, this is pretty standard. Do you get along with the new boss, or do you feel she's distant? If you feel all is well on that end, and the mansplainer is just that, then I would start shutting it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would just reframe "john, if you feel that you need a refresher on this, i'm happy to help. but please schedule some time where i can help you talk it over, this is not the time or place."

I would not do this. It screams passive aggressive, and professionals need to be above that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out if he is just an arrogant mansplainer or if you aren't actually performing well enough that he has been given the directive to make your department more efficient.

If he is wrong, and/or you already know what he is telling you, then say, Yes, Bob, I know that. Yes, Bob, I've already started that.

The inherited piece is what gives me pause regarding your position of importance.

For background we have a large team. Lady boss who hired us was moved and new one took over and filled vacancies with her own people she chose (all friends of friends).

Unfortunately, this is pretty standard. Do you get along with the new boss, or do you feel she's distant? If you feel all is well on that end, and the mansplainer is just that, then I would start shutting it down.

Agree just make sure he isn’t the new boss’ plant or spy and that he isn’t going to play schoolboy and rat you out to sabotage you.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate guys like that. So cringe. Just know he can’t help it. He’s like my Father in Law, I swear there must have been something in their baby formula during those formative years.

They can’t handle directness so here’s what I would do - With the brightest smile possible - Is there something about how I do my job that is an issue for you? ……. Because this is the third time that you’ve xyz’ed, and I’m just wondering why you need to explain my job to me when I’ve been doing it for the last 5 years….. I mean know that I am open to feedback anytime but I don’t need to relive (the meeting, the project tasks, the next steps) everytime - We can just get on with it - right?’

I wouldn’t say it like that, I’d say “that’s one way you could do it, but I usually do it this way because…”

[Anonymous]

Be careful. He feels he can act any way he wants because he's the boss' pick and friend and you are not. If you bring up the problem to your boss, she won't support you. You may cause yourself problems with her. This happened to me. You have to just be fake to him and then look at the whole picture: do you want to work there? How does your boss treat you? Are you included and able to accomplish what tiy want? And evaluate if you should move on. If you stay, I'd say you have no leverage here. I doubt he'd take any feedback from you in a positive way if you tell him directly and going to her is probably not going to help.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like fun. It does sound like he was brought in at a higher salary to whip the inherited team into shape, or encourage them to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like fun. It does sound like he was brought in at a higher salary to whip the inherited team into shape, or encourage them to leave.

It just sounds to me like he was brought on at a higher salary because he's the manager's friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate guys like that. So cringe. Just know he can’t help it. He’s like my Father in Law, I swear there must have been something in their baby formula during those formative years.

They can’t handle directness so here’s what I would do - With the brightest smile possible - Is there something about how I do my job that is an issue for you? ……. Because this is the third time that you’ve xyz’ed, and I’m just wondering why you need to explain my job to me when I’ve been doing it for the last 5 years….. I mean know that I am open to feedback anytime but I don’t need to relive (the meeting, the project tasks, the next steps) everytime - We can just get on with it - right?’

If it is the 3rd time he had asked, then the problem is most likely not him.