Underlying angry tone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that you have changed, OP.

I have found that I have gotten gentler and more open-minded as I age, and this has made me more aware of very negative or judgmental attitudes from others. I have friends I've known for decades and who are the same as they've always been, but I find I can't spend as much time with them as I used to because I am more bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone.

You claim you've gotten "gentler and more open-minded" but you're "bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone"? These positions are incompatible. Gentle, open-minded people don't need to judge other people's "tone". They can accept that others communicate how they do and it's not about the listener. Needing to control other people's tone isn't gentle or open-minded, it's judgmental, controlling, and a waste of time.

I agree with your sentiment, but the person you are responding to is not the OP. That's a different poster that claims they are gentler and more open-minded.

Reading comprehension isn't your strength, is it? PP is clearly responding to the pp in thread, using quoted text, verbatim. Nobody said anything about the OP.

Maybe MYOB if you can't follow the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that you have changed, OP.

I have found that I have gotten gentler and more open-minded as I age, and this has made me more aware of very negative or judgmental attitudes from others. I have friends I've known for decades and who are the same as they've always been, but I find I can't spend as much time with them as I used to because I am more bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone.

You claim you've gotten "gentler and more open-minded" but you're "bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone"? These positions are incompatible. Gentle, open-minded people don't need to judge other people's "tone". They can accept that others communicate how they do and it's not about the listener. Needing to control other people's tone isn't gentle or open-minded, it's judgmental, controlling, and a waste of time.

PP here and no, it is not incompatible. I used to enjoy spending time with friends judging other people or complaining and criticizing. Now I find I don't want to do that, and when these same friends express these opinions, I find unable to match their strong negative opinions, and instead feeling natural or even empathetic towards the people or things they are judging. I am still friends with them, but we are just in different places mentally and that can make it hard to spend time together. I don't judge them and I recognize that what has shifted is something in me, not them.

I was actually trying to urge OP to look inward rather than blaming this dynamic on her friends, who may just be acting consistently as they always have. When we stop enjoying other people's company, it's easy to assume it's their fault, but in this case it might be OP shifting her outlook and thus not b being able to relate to her friends in the same way.

You're really full of yourself, aren't you? You say "I don't judge them" but you clearly see yourself as better than them, gentler and more open-minded. And all the while, you are analyzing their behavior and not your own.

You seem to spend entirely too much time thinking about yourself thinking about others. It sounds neurotic af.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it was a bad night.

[Anonymous]

They probably are having issues within their marriage.

Increase the space between yourself/spouse and them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that you have changed, OP.

I have found that I have gotten gentler and more open-minded as I age, and this has made me more aware of very negative or judgmental attitudes from others. I have friends I've known for decades and who are the same as they've always been, but I find I can't spend as much time with them as I used to because I am more bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone.

You claim you've gotten "gentler and more open-minded" but you're "bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone"? These positions are incompatible. Gentle, open-minded people don't need to judge other people's "tone". They can accept that others communicate how they do and it's not about the listener. Needing to control other people's tone isn't gentle or open-minded, it's judgmental, controlling, and a waste of time.

PP here and no, it is not incompatible. I used to enjoy spending time with friends judging other people or complaining and criticizing. Now I find I don't want to do that, and when these same friends express these opinions, I find unable to match their strong negative opinions, and instead feeling natural or even empathetic towards the people or things they are judging. I am still friends with them, but we are just in different places mentally and that can make it hard to spend time together. I don't judge them and I recognize that what has shifted is something in me, not them.

I was actually trying to urge OP to look inward rather than blaming this dynamic on her friends, who may just be acting consistently as they always have. When we stop enjoying other people's company, it's easy to assume it's their fault, but in this case it might be OP shifting her outlook and thus not b being able to relate to her friends in the same way.

You're really full of yourself, aren't you? You say "I don't judge them" but you clearly see yourself as better than them, gentler and more open-minded. And all the while, you are analyzing their behavior and not your own.

You seem to spend entirely too much time thinking about yourself thinking about others. It sounds neurotic af.

I'm not judging them.

You do not know me well enough to know how much time I spend thinking about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it was a bad night.

+1

[Anonymous]

So the issue is them? Maybe you were just extra sensitive that night or turned extra sensitive.

[Anonymous]

If this is in DC, many people are NOT ok right now. People are on edge. I'm trying to give people grace unless they are MAga. Those people can f themselves.

[Anonymous]

Could be a combination of both factors.

[Anonymous]

How much did they have to drink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's age. Reality bites.

Or marriage issues, someone cheated, etc…it bleeds out in anger, impatience, etc when out in public

[Anonymous]

The watch FOX News. Same thing happened to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people go through trying times and it affects their attitude. My dentist told me that during the first Trump administration, many of his patients started to grind their teeth from stress. With all the stuff going on politically right now, I find myself being sarcastic and somewhat angry while I am normally very agreeable and pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ran into a friend and her husband on NYE. Spent more time chatting with husband who I’ve always considered nice and normal. This time he had this underlying angry tone about things and also bragged about some contracts he’d gotten. He’s about 40. They have a nice life and she recently left her job, so they have enough money coming in. She has also started becoming sarcastic and snarky randomly.

Maybe they were always like this but I didn’t notice before. Or is it that people start becoming bitter as they age?

Maybe it was just this one night. Maybe this party was the last place he wanted to be on NYE and he had a fight with his wife that afternoon about going, because he wanted to be home in PJs watching football?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that you have changed, OP.

I have found that I have gotten gentler and more open-minded as I age, and this has made me more aware of very negative or judgmental attitudes from others. I have friends I've known for decades and who are the same as they've always been, but I find I can't spend as much time with them as I used to because I am more bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone.

You claim you've gotten "gentler and more open-minded" but you're "bothered by their snarky or judgmental tone"? These positions are incompatible. Gentle, open-minded people don't need to judge other people's "tone". They can accept that others communicate how they do and it's not about the listener. Needing to control other people's tone isn't gentle or open-minded, it's judgmental, controlling, and a waste of time.

Are you seriously trying to convince someone that being gentle and open minded means they can't have standards about how others talk to and around them? You are very manipulative.