The “ease” or “difficulty” with parenting and the number of kids is heavily in personality and needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

Same here.

How old are your kids?

My kids are almost 7, 4, and 2.5 and I find ease or challenge more about the stage they are in (generally every stage is easier as they get older) and more about my emotional bandwidth. For example, my first was a challenging baby because of colic but I also had a really demanding job with and workaholic boss, so I had limited emotional bandwidth because I was exhausted by my work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

Same here.

How old are your kids?

My kids are almost 7, 4, and 2.5 and I find ease or challenge more about the stage they are in (generally every stage is easier as they get older) and more about my emotional bandwidth. For example, my first was a challenging baby because of colic but I also had a really demanding job with and workaholic boss, so I had limited emotional bandwidth because I was exhausted by my work.

NP, but I have one challenging kid and two easy kids. The stages are different as they get older, but the challenge level is the same.

(Oldest two are teens.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

Same here.

How old are your kids?

My kids are almost 7, 4, and 2.5 and I find ease or challenge more about the stage they are in (generally every stage is easier as they get older) and more about my emotional bandwidth. For example, my first was a challenging baby because of colic but I also had a really demanding job with and workaholic boss, so I had limited emotional bandwidth because I was exhausted by my work.

NP, but I have one challenging kid and two easy kids. The stages are different as they get older, but the challenge level is the same.

(Oldest two are teens.)

I had one challenging infant/toddler/preschooler and one easy one. Now in high school they have kind of switched places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

Though, as someone who grew up in a big family, I would actually warn against thinking of this exclusively in terms of easy-to-parent to hard-to-parent. That's the experience of the parents only.

Easy-to-parent kids are not necessarily kids with fewer needs. They are just more compliant. That was me. Easy to parent, rule following, good student. I had a lot of needs as a child that were not met specifically *because* I was obedient, quiet, and conscientious. Not getting those needs met caused problems for me later on.

I always cringe when people say things like "oh yeah that's the kid I never worry about" or "yeah Larla kind of takes care of herself." They are children. They need to be cared for, no matter how good they are at convince themselves, and you, that they don't.

I agree with this, both as a well behaved member of a large family and as the mother of a large family. All kids have needs for attention, love, and care, and meeting these needs is completely non optional even if the child has the personality type where they will allow you to neglect them. My parents did a good job of this and I'm trying to do as well as they did.

One of my kids takes this to the extreme. She doesn't even ask you to feed her until she's pretty much starving. In some ways she's my easiest child (she basically never cries and always seems happy with whatever) but she also in some ways is my most difficult child because she requires a lot of very careful focused attention to figure out what she actually wants and needs. My kid who will feel a mild hunger and start screaming about how he's going to die without food is more immediately and obviously challenging, but he's also easier in some ways because I never have to worry that he's secretly uncomfortable and just not going to tell me about it. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

Though, as someone who grew up in a big family, I would actually warn against thinking of this exclusively in terms of easy-to-parent to hard-to-parent. That's the experience of the parents only.

Easy-to-parent kids are not necessarily kids with fewer needs. They are just more compliant. That was me. Easy to parent, rule following, good student. I had a lot of needs as a child that were not met specifically *because* I was obedient, quiet, and conscientious. Not getting those needs met caused problems for me later on.

I always cringe when people say things like "oh yeah that's the kid I never worry about" or "yeah Larla kind of takes care of herself." They are children. They need to be cared for, no matter how good they are at convince themselves, and you, that they don't.

Yes, thank you for this. I was the oldest in a large family and I was independent early and was “easy,” but as an adult I still find it very difficult to identify and articulate what my needs are.