The “ease” or “difficulty” with parenting and the number of kids is heavily in personality and needs

[Anonymous]

I’m on a trip with my own three children and two other children who are friends of my children.

It’s a mix of ages 7 - 16. 2 Boys and 3 Girls.

I have a special needs child and a high energy child. My children’s friends are somewhere in the middle energy wise but easy going personalities.

I now see how many families go on to have 7,8 + kids.

It seems to be all on how much the individual needs are of the children are and personality.

[Anonymous]

Well, yes. Surely you knew that before, OP. It's obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a trip with my own three children and two other children who are friends of my children.

It’s a mix of ages 7 - 16. 2 Boys and 3 Girls.

I have a special needs child and a high energy child. My children’s friends are somewhere in the middle energy wise but easy going personalities.

I now see how many families go on to have 7,8 + kids.

It seems to be all on how much the individual needs are of the children are and personality.

I would agree with everything you say, except it's the need of the children, and of the adults. I think everyone has elements of parenting they find hard, and others they find easier. If the areas in which your kid is hard, overlap with the areas you find challenging to parent, it can be very hard.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 very easy kids. I would have maybe had one more but why roll the dice. You’re also missing the financial piece. At the end of the day, there is only so much time and resources you can devote to your kids and I would rather not divide that too much.

[Anonymous]

3 high energy boys and that’s where our time and energy capped out. Even when I think we could handle another, I remember that things change and one or all may need more attention and time in the future.

[Anonymous]

agree 100%. Even without factoring in special needs kids, the difference in parental investment is gargantuan depending on the roll of the dice. Although most people with 7-8 kids realize this

[Anonymous]

This is true. However, getting to a large family with that many kids and not getting a difficult one isn't likely. And I do believe birth order plays an important part.
- mom of 7, one EXTREMELY difficult, two kind of difficult, and the rest pretty easy

[Anonymous]

I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a trip with my own three children and two other children who are friends of my children.

It’s a mix of ages 7 - 16. 2 Boys and 3 Girls.

I have a special needs child and a high energy child. My children’s friends are somewhere in the middle energy wise but easy going personalities.

I now see how many families go on to have 7,8 + kids.

It seems to be all on how much the individual needs are of the children are and personality.

I would agree with everything you say, except it's the need of the children, and of the adults. I think everyone has elements of parenting they find hard, and others they find easier. If the areas in which your kid is hard, overlap with the areas you find challenging to parent, it can be very hard.

I totally agree with this. My kids are on the difficult side but they're much easier for me than my husband because they're loud and he's very noise sensitive. I'm much more able to tune them out when I need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a trip with my own three children and two other children who are friends of my children.

It’s a mix of ages 7 - 16. 2 Boys and 3 Girls.

I have a special needs child and a high energy child. My children’s friends are somewhere in the middle energy wise but easy going personalities.

I now see how many families go on to have 7,8 + kids.

It seems to be all on how much the individual needs are of the children are and personality.

I would agree with everything you say, except it's the need of the children, and of the adults. I think everyone has elements of parenting they find hard, and others they find easier. If the areas in which your kid is hard, overlap with the areas you find challenging to parent, it can be very hard.

I totally agree with this. My kids are on the difficult side but they're much easier for me than my husband because they're loud and he's very noise sensitive. I'm much more able to tune them out when I need to.

+1 I would have been open to having a 3rd but DH has ADHD and felt completely maxed out with our two (not particularly challenging IMO)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, yes. Surely you knew that before, OP. It's obvious.

Apparently not to the smug poster who started the “Parents who are overwhelmed with one or two kids” thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree. We have 3. One is very difficult, the other two have always been pretty easy.

I think it’s about parental capacity and temperaments. Lots of help or one parent who has a much less demanding job can make a huge difference. Big gaps can create challenges, but also alleviate certain pressures.

Our three kids are close in age, but are in different development stages - mid ES, end of preschool, start of preschool. The oldest child expects fairness, the middle child still needs help regulating, and the youngest is unpredictable and testing limits as toddlers do. It feels easier than it has since our youngest was born and in the next 12-18 months it will get even easier as our middle child can self regulate more easily and our younger child gets closer to 4.

Temperamentally and behaviorally each child is pretty easy in the aggregate. Very high energy but moderated by flexibility and adaptability. What has made things hard is not having much family help, moves, stressful jobs, and other external stressors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is true. However, getting to a large family with that many kids and not getting a difficult one isn't likely. And I do believe birth order plays an important part.
- mom of 7, one EXTREMELY difficult, two kind of difficult, and the rest pretty easy

I have 5. My second is the hard one. My eldest made me think I had it all figured out. However, I’m happy my challenging kid’s power in my life is diluted by 4 others.

[Anonymous]

I have four and what was manageable up until oldest was 13 became very difficult when my "easy" middle kids struggled. Limping into the finish line with my fourth now. Very tired. But glad all my kids are here. Parenting is a marathon.

[Anonymous]

I agree.

Though, as someone who grew up in a big family, I would actually warn against thinking of this exclusively in terms of easy-to-parent to hard-to-parent. That's the experience of the parents only.

Easy-to-parent kids are not necessarily kids with fewer needs. They are just more compliant. That was me. Easy to parent, rule following, good student. I had a lot of needs as a child that were not met specifically *because* I was obedient, quiet, and conscientious. Not getting those needs met caused problems for me later on.

I always cringe when people say things like "oh yeah that's the kid I never worry about" or "yeah Larla kind of takes care of herself." They are children. They need to be cared for, no matter how good they are at convince themselves, and you, that they don't.