Taking a Semester Off

[Anonymous]

Absolutely don't pay for his grand idea of living in a college town and taking online classes.

If after 1.5 years of flailing around in college, he hasn't figured out what he wants to do with higher education, he needs to figure it out.

If he can't do college, he needs to pick alternative paths.

But him just trying to take more college classes without diagnosing why he's failing is not going to work.

[Anonymous]

My daughter did this: exact timing and exact proposal. I actually checked the date on the post to make sure this wasn’t a bumped old post.

Long story short, she is possibly on track to finish her AA in six years, which breaks down as follows:

- Three semesters at state university
- Three semesters attempting the three required pre-reqs for her CC program (which should have been accomplished in her first three semesters at university), while taking other non-required classes to maintain full-time student status
- At least six semesters in the two-year AA program of choice (we were informed this weekend that she would not be graduating this May, but hopefully in December 2026 or May 2027)

We got here because she ended up dropping at least one (sometimes more) classes every semester to avoid failing. Long after the refund deadline.

She also continued to live as though she was still in the state university: skipping classes to go on spring break during the university’s break (which didn’t align with the CC’s break), driving back to the university on the weekends to go to parties, graduation trips, etc.

She did work part time through all of this, and in the summers. She’s not a bad kid, but she needed a lot more guidance and structure.

A lot of this was beyond my control: she is an adult. But if I could do it again:

- I would not have paid for an apartment in her college town where any of the occupants were not FT, four-year college students.
- When she decided to leave school, I would not have paid for tuition or room and board if she continued to live in her college town. (I would pay the CC or commuter school tuition if she was living at home.)
- I would demand grade transparency in exchange for tuition.
- If she dropped a required class more than once, I would tell her to consider a new major/career path, and I would not pay for that class again.
- I would not pay for the “extra” classes not required for her program without a conversation about why she wanted to take them.
- After a total of four years in school, I would begin charging her a bit of money for rent, her phone, and her health insurance costs. Not the full amount, but enough that she felt the burden of the real world. She has spent the past five years living like she is an adult without any of the responsibilities of adulthood.

And of course, if we could go way back, we would have stuck to the original college plan: two years at CC, two years at university. She was accepted to her university in that COVID admissions year where standards were lowered, and admittedly we were so excited that she got in that we didn’t think about her capacity to succeed there. I think she would have had a better outcome starting at a CC and living at home before going to a university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter did this: exact timing and exact proposal. I actually checked the date on the post to make sure this wasn’t a bumped old post.

Long story short, she is possibly on track to finish her AA in six years, which breaks down as follows:

- Three semesters at state university
- Three semesters attempting the three required pre-reqs for her CC program (which should have been accomplished in her first three semesters at university), while taking other non-required classes to maintain full-time student status
- At least six semesters in the two-year AA program of choice (we were informed this weekend that she would not be graduating this May, but hopefully in December 2026 or May 2027)

We got here because she ended up dropping at least one (sometimes more) classes every semester to avoid failing. Long after the refund deadline.

She also continued to live as though she was still in the state university: skipping classes to go on spring break during the university’s break (which didn’t align with the CC’s break), driving back to the university on the weekends to go to parties, graduation trips, etc.

She did work part time through all of this, and in the summers. She’s not a bad kid, but she needed a lot more guidance and structure.

A lot of this was beyond my control: she is an adult. But if I could do it again:

- I would not have paid for an apartment in her college town where any of the occupants were not FT, four-year college students.
- When she decided to leave school, I would not have paid for tuition or room and board if she continued to live in her college town. (I would pay the CC or commuter school tuition if she was living at home.)
- I would demand grade transparency in exchange for tuition.
- If she dropped a required class more than once, I would tell her to consider a new major/career path, and I would not pay for that class again.
- I would not pay for the “extra” classes not required for her program without a conversation about why she wanted to take them.
- After a total of four years in school, I would begin charging her a bit of money for rent, her phone, and her health insurance costs. Not the full amount, but enough that she felt the burden of the real world. She has spent the past five years living like she is an adult without any of the responsibilities of adulthood.

And of course, if we could go way back, we would have stuck to the original college plan: two years at CC, two years at university. She was accepted to her university in that COVID admissions year where standards were lowered, and admittedly we were so excited that she got in that we didn’t think about her capacity to succeed there. I think she would have had a better outcome starting at a CC and living at home before going to a university.

Wow! I can’t even imagine how painful that must have been for you as a parent.

6 years to get an AA is ridiculous.

Have you diagnosed why she is failing so badly with higher education? At this point I would be pushing her toward the trades or military….

[Anonymous]

Is he already living off campus with a lease expiring in the summer? Did you co-sign? And have you all already signed for next year? Might be hard to get out of or find someone to take over the lease.If so, I’d let him go back and he must get a job.

I also would sit down with him and see what classes he’s completed, what he needs to graduate and what classes he’s can take online at the community college? Is there some type of certificate or semester long training program he can finish at the community college that gives him a trade? Find out what is real plan is.

This might not be a popular opinion but some students still need parental help way past high school. I would insist on a weekly check in call that is mandatory where you discuss grades and assignments due (actually have him log in and show you class info), discuss work and his activities, offer suggestions toward improvement.

Not knowing what school he is at, maybe encourage him to transfer closer to home for fall 2026 or have him work and do school at night.

[Anonymous]

Someone having trouble with college classes will find working and taking online classes at night really hard. A set up for failure there.
Either go to community college or work.
Actually attending an easier school might yield success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I understand it, he has finished 3 semesters of college. CC only covers the first 4 semesters, so chances are there are a limited number of CC courses he can take for credit. Before he does, make sure the CC he plans to attend has an articulation agreement with his college. These specify which courses will be accepted by the college and any qualifications. (Some colleges require a minimum grade of B at a CC to get credit or a B if the course is going to be used to meet major requirements.) Otherwise, it's quite possible to spend time and money taking courses he'll get no credit for.

Unless the idea if to figure out what is interested in majoring in and needs to take some different courses to try out new areas...but this should be a discussion upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is paying his own expenses (rent, utilities, food, etc., I’d pay for tuition. But I wouldn’t be paying living expenses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's good for him to stay in the college town and get a job and figure things out - it may be easier to re-enroll

Staying in teh college town won’t help him re-enroll. He just wants to stay there to party with friends. That’s not something I would bankroll and.I would do just about anything for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's good for him to stay in the college town and get a job and figure things out - it may be easier to re-enroll

Staying in teh college town won’t help him re-enroll. He just wants to stay there to party with friends. That’s not something I would bankroll and.I would do just about anything for my kids.

This person, like so many in this forum who wonder why their kids are messed up, is completely delusional. Someone dropping out like this is not on some positive track, he wants to become a loser townie. Get real and nut up. Don't pay for that and don't accept it as an option. Heck, I might even pay to send him to volunteer in rural Syria but loafing around Ann Arbor with an all expenses paid life is a non starter. "Easier for him to re-enroll" LOL

[Anonymous]

Colleague was in this situation and gave DC a limited set of choices:

Full-time college
A job and paying rent + contribution to food
Enlist

DC chose #3, negotiated their enlistment terms to say they got a specific technical training that is useful, and went to boot camp. Did well there and in training. Now has a high-tech technician job. Also signed up for a college savings plan. Plans to return to college using GI Bill once enlistment is up. Just needed more time to develop as a person.