Taking a Semester Off

[Anonymous]

19 yo dc is withdrawing for the Spring semester. He hasn't done well in 1.5 years and doesn't seem to have an interest in any one area of study. When he graduated high school, I suggested a gap year because I didnt think he was ready for college (kept that to myself). Apparently I was right.

Before the winter break, he said he would likely take a break to regroup and not go back in the Spring. We discussed coming home, taking a few classes at community college and working part time. However, he is now saying he wants to go back to his college town, take community college classes online and find a job there for Spring. I think this is a terrible idea and won't end well. Am I wrong for saying I won't pay for online classes if he chooses this option? I can't stop him from going back but don't have to fund his plan. I think it will be him just having a good time and not doing much of anything to advance himself.

[Anonymous]

Um. Who is going to be paying for him to live in this college town?

If he thinks YOU are paying, it's time for you to explain to him that if he is not a student, you are not supporting him. He needs to get a job and pay for himself. If he wants to live in his college town for the semester, he needs to earn the money to do so.

[Anonymous]

Nope. This one is easy, OP. If he wants to take some time off from college that's fine so long as he lives with you. You're not paying for him to live elsewhere. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

PP here. If, on the other hand, he says he'll get a job and pay his own rent then your hands are tied.

[Anonymous]

I think it's good for him to stay in the college town and get a job and figure things out - it may be easier to re-enroll

[Anonymous]

Your son's plan is a great one. He is settled in at the college town. Let him work there and enroll in community college there.

In our town the local community college credits easily transfer to the local D1 university.

[Anonymous]

It's a fine plan so long as it's entirely self-funded. He presumably has a CC near home he could attend that is comparable in quality and cost. And then no housing costs. If he wants to attend a different CC and live on his own, he'll have to pay those living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Horrible idea. It will be just enough access to college friends and college parties to serve as a distraction and derail his ability to get clear and figure things out. How does him loafing about the campus help him think things through ?

[Anonymous]

Is your DS urgently in off campus housing and you are responsible for the remaining lease? If so, it would be a harder hit unless a sub lease is possible. I would NOT be inclined to pay for this experiment.

[Anonymous]

If he is paying his own expenses (rent, utilities, food, etc., I’d pay for tuition. But I wouldn’t be paying living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Who’s paying for his living arrangements?

Jokes on you OP

[Anonymous]

What is he trying to solve for? Does he have a mental health issue? Is he getting bad grades? Is he partying too much? I think you first need to establish what issue he is trying to solve before you can figure out what the right solution looks like.

[Anonymous]

As I understand it, he has finished 3 semesters of college. CC only covers the first 4 semesters, so chances are there are a limited number of CC courses he can take for credit. Before he does, make sure the CC he plans to attend has an articulation agreement with his college. These specify which courses will be accepted by the college and any qualifications. (Some colleges require a minimum grade of B at a CC to get credit or a B if the course is going to be used to meet major requirements.) Otherwise, it's quite possible to spend time and money taking courses he'll get no credit for.

[Anonymous]

He has two options where you would offer help. 1. Stays in college, works part time and earns a degree in whichever major he can manage. 2. He moves back home to save rent, works full time and attends local community college.

[Anonymous]

I think not paying for classes is probably counterproductive to the long term goal of DS finding his academic/career groove, and staying in his college town will feel like more of a break than possibly quitting. I’d pay for the classes and not mandate where he lives. It’s a good sign that he wants to work and that he recognizes the problem.