Losing Friendships When One Get Sober

[Anonymous]

I've noticed the same, but my interpretation was that person, despite being sober, isn't well mentally. Generally I've found that to be true.

[Anonymous]

I stopped drinking about 10 years ago at 48. I am ALWAYS the designated driver, which is tiresome. And being around drinking friends is not as much fun, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the same, but my interpretation was that person, despite being sober, isn't well mentally. Generally I've found that to be true.

Mentally-well people don't judge their "friends" like this. You might need to spend some sober time with yourself, hunty.

[Anonymous]

It's not only about being sober.

People change dramatically from college.

Most of the people I hung with I would not want to be around now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the same, but my interpretation was that person, despite being sober, isn't well mentally. Generally I've found that to be true.

Mentally-well people don't judge their "friends" like this. You might need to spend some sober time with yourself, hunty.

I'm not saying it as a judgement, I'm saying it as an observation. It's not really surprising given that alcohol dependence usually is to mask a mental health condition of some kind like anxiety. If the person isn't addressing the anxiety then they stop socializing to avoid the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Some people are introverts who can push themselves into social situations when they are younger and drinking but are perfectly happy chilling at home when they've gotten older and are past that.

Some of these folks might also be going through stuff you don't know about. Sometimes the drinking allows them to overlook other issues in their life and removing that exposes fault lines in marriages, friendships or careers.

[Anonymous]

Only one of them needed it? How do you know that? Honestly OP sounds very judgmental. Even if partying days are over I am guessing your dynamic still includes alcohol. Getting sober is extremely hard and often requires breaking from old habits and not being around alcohol. If old friends want to come along for the ride you have to be willing to not drink in front of your sober friends.

[Anonymous]

Why assume they are ditching friends when you don't know what is going on in their lives? Kids, work, relationships, aging parents, perimenopause, finances, health, and mental health are just a few reasons someone might not respond to a text.

[Anonymous]

I remember going to a good friend's wedding where they had a "sober" table for the friends in the group who stopped drinking. Boring. I joked that I much preferred the "denial" table.

Sober people, generally speak, suck. They're no fun.

[Anonymous]

I could be one of your friends. I am not 100% sober, but only have an occasional drink bc the hangovers started hitting me hard once I turned 40.

It’s not the drinking or lack thereof that stop me from joining in these get togethers. I’ve always been an introvert even though I did enjoy the big group and going to parties when I was younger. As I get older, I no longer enjoy big group dynamics and would much prefer to spend one-on-one time (or get together with 2-3 friends) than getting together with the big group when there’s always 1, 2 or 3 loud people that I once maybe thought were fun but now think obnoxious.

I get pickier with how I spend my time and don’t really care to join the big group anymore. I’m still close to a few people who I speak with and see fairly regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember going to a good friend's wedding where they had a "sober" table for the friends in the group who stopped drinking. Boring. I joked that I much preferred the "denial" table.

Sober people, generally speak, suck. They're no fun.

Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only one of them needed it? How do you know that? Honestly OP sounds very judgmental. Even if partying days are over I am guessing your dynamic still includes alcohol. Getting sober is extremely hard and often requires breaking from old habits and not being around alcohol. If old friends want to come along for the ride you have to be willing to not drink in front of your sober friends.

OP sounds very judgmental.

And:

I am guessing your dynamic still includes alcohol.

Has me laughing my ass off. Could you be more ignorant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember going to a good friend's wedding where they had a "sober" table for the friends in the group who stopped drinking. Boring. I joked that I much preferred the "denial" table.

Sober people, generally speak, suck. They're no fun.

Wow

It's an anonymous forum so I can be honest.