How long do you stay with out of town fam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in the DMV and my brother in law moved to Florida five years ago. They are the only cousins my kids have so we make sure to visit each year, usually at Christmas, over the summer, in addition to a couple other get togethers for various family events.

Since the kids have off for winter break, we have been visiting them for 6 or 7 days over the holidays and honestly it’s just too long for me. I’m trying to convince my DH to do shorter visits but he says he wants to spend time either his brother.

If you have family that lives a plane ride away, how long are your visits with them over the holidays? A week is way too long, right?

No offense but they want you to leave too. At least try to be a good guest - pitching in with meals and cleaning and entertaining the kids. I agree that more than 3-4 full days is way too long.

I host every family gathering and my side are a bunch of useless takers who come and go without lifting a finger to help. Or if they do try to help they need my direction on exactly what to do like they are small children and not adults and like I haven't been hosting in the same house for over a decade. And before you say it folks, trust me - I've tried to speak with them about it. It's just useless.

+1

Our adult kids in their partners arrived on Sunday and I am so tired already. So so tired.

That’s sad. But understand. 😬
OP, I would think 4 nights should be the limit.

[Anonymous]

For that long, we stay in a hotel
.

[Anonymous]

We have found that 3 nights is our max as house guests. Everyone is exhausted by then and I’d rather leave on a high note!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in the DMV and my brother in law moved to Florida five years ago. They are the only cousins my kids have so we make sure to visit each year, usually at Christmas, over the summer, in addition to a couple other get togethers for various family events.

Since the kids have off for winter break, we have been visiting them for 6 or 7 days over the holidays and honestly it’s just too long for me. I’m trying to convince my DH to do shorter visits but he says he wants to spend time either his brother.

If you have family that lives a plane ride away, how long are your visits with them over the holidays? A week is way too long, right?

No offense but they want you to leave too. At least try to be a good guest - pitching in with meals and cleaning and entertaining the kids. I agree that more than 3-4 full days is way too long.

I host every family gathering and my side are a bunch of useless takers who come and go without lifting a finger to help. Or if they do try to help they need my direction on exactly what to do like they are small children and not adults and like I haven't been hosting in the same house for over a decade. And before you say it folks, trust me - I've tried to speak with them about it. It's just useless.

+1

Our adult kids in their partners arrived on Sunday and I am so tired already. So so tired.

That’s sad. But understand. 😬
OP, I would think 4 nights should be the limit.

I'm happy to have them here. I don't want them to leave yet. The reality however is that hosting is very very tiring. It takes a lot of time and energy and physical work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in the DMV and my brother in law moved to Florida five years ago. They are the only cousins my kids have so we make sure to visit each year, usually at Christmas, over the summer, in addition to a couple other get togethers for various family events.

Since the kids have off for winter break, we have been visiting them for 6 or 7 days over the holidays and honestly it’s just too long for me. I’m trying to convince my DH to do shorter visits but he says he wants to spend time either his brother.

If you have family that lives a plane ride away, how long are your visits with them over the holidays? A week is way too long, right?

No offense but they want you to leave too. At least try to be a good guest - pitching in with meals and cleaning and entertaining the kids. I agree that more than 3-4 full days is way too long.

I host every family gathering and my side are a bunch of useless takers who come and go without lifting a finger to help. Or if they do try to help they need my direction on exactly what to do like they are small children and not adults and like I haven't been hosting in the same house for over a decade. And before you say it folks, trust me - I've tried to speak with them about it. It's just useless.

+1

Our adult kids in their partners arrived on Sunday and I am so tired already. So so tired.

That’s sad. But understand. 😬
OP, I would think 4 nights should be the limit.

I'm happy to have them here. I don't want them to leave yet. The reality however is that hosting is very very tiring. It takes a lot of time and energy and physical work.

I agree!

[Anonymous]

We are a Very Long plane ride from one family member, so we stay for two weeks. Our system is:

1. First night hotel (wicked jet lag, sometimes we don’t fly directly to their city depending on tickets)
2. Second night we stay in their house because that tends to be the “here are the 73 things your mom put in my suitcase for you” and we want to stay up talking and catching up.
3. Night 3-10 we rent a place close enough to have dinner nightly and maybe meet up for a coffee or do some sightseeing together but we don’t expect everyone to be all together the whole time.
4. Night 10-14 we go on a trip in their country to someplace resort-like so everyone gets a change of scenery and a vacation, even the hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. As a kid, my cousins and I (ten of us to three different siblings, same grandparents) used to spend 10 days to 2 weeks together over school breaks because that's the only time we could get together. The bright side of this, the 10 of us range from 52 - 66 and are still close today (as are our kids - there are even a couple of grandkids now).

OP, if YOU need a break, step out for a spa day, or have to race back early for work, or meet another friend for 2 days in the middle, but let your husband enjoy time with his brother and let the cousins become friends

Is the relationship between your mom and her sister? Because those cousins tend to be closest imo… hanging out for a week.

Different story if it’s your BIL and his wife.

My mom, her sister and her brother. Between them, 10 kids (I am one of the 10). The 10 kids are all married, and between them, 18 kids. All know each other, all on family chat, all get together one holiday per year (even those coming from CA, NH, NY and GA), plus weddings - of the 18 kids, 3 are married, oldest are early 30s, youngest are early 20s, most inbetween).

We have stayed similarly piled into my husband's childhood home with his 2 siblings and our combined 7 children when they were young. When I needed a break from his family, I went for long runs, took then young children to the local ES playground or drove to the zoo, or, went to our bedroom, shut the door, amd read a book. I would never prevent DH from spending time with his brother and sister, or our kids from their cousins

[Anonymous]

You go back early, and the kids can stay with your DH if the want or go back early with you. It’s not a big deal. But if your DH wants to be with his brother, which is understandable, he should stay. Wouldn’t you like your own kids to have that relationship when they’re adults?

Bonus is you might get a good chunk of “me time” to hang out with your friends, visit a sibling of your own, or relax at home.

[Anonymous]

We rent a large beach house and all the family stay there. That way no one is hosting. Everyone arrives shortly before Christmas Eve, and we all leave after New Years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three days. You should know this OP if you are on DCUM. What vibes are you getting from the wife?

She wants you all gone for sure.

This! So true!

[Anonymous]

We stay about 5 to 6 days. Usually take a day trip with just our family around day 3 so we're gone a whole day. It helps that we have our separate space and bathroom. I bring several oven ready meals and we take everyone to dinner so the hosts doesn't have to cook much.

[Anonymous]

3 days is plenty for siblings unless it's a big vacation house like Delaware beach.

A week is OK for empty nest grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. As a kid, my cousins and I (ten of us to three different siblings, same grandparents) used to spend 10 days to 2 weeks together over school breaks because that's the only time we could get together. The bright side of this, the 10 of us range from 52 - 66 and are still close today (as are our kids - there are even a couple of grandkids now).

OP, if YOU need a break, step out for a spa day, or have to race back early for work, or meet another friend for 2 days in the middle, but let your husband enjoy time with his brother and let the cousins become friends

Is the relationship between your mom and her sister? Because those cousins tend to be closest imo… hanging out for a week.

Different story if it’s your BIL and his wife.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

We travel also for the holidays. This is the first time we are staying at a hotel. It’s nice to get some quiet time in the morning and at the end of the day. And hopefully it’s a bit easier on our hosts.

[Anonymous]

We usually did a week. We set up patterns of various things to do and that helps give structure to the time.