Realizing I have everything I want in life except...

[Anonymous]

Invite friends over.
My husband comes from a small family so holidays included close friends|neighbors.

I come from a big family where gatherings are 25+ ppl, I prefer my husband’s smaller intimate setting.

[Anonymous]

Your kids won’t miss that because they will never have grown up with the big family holidays that you are remembering.

[Anonymous]

Real class is appreciating what you have and leaning into it. Own your family and make celebrations you want big or small.

[Anonymous]

I understand. I’m in a similar boat— two kids, no close by cousins and a single sibling overseas. My parents have died. My spouse, an only child, is Jewish. We’ve started a tradition of traveling on a family trip over the holidays. We get a nice hotel or Airbnb and make new memories with our kids. The older one will be out of the house in 2 years, so we’re aware our time is short.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it. Similar except we are both only children. Here's what has helped:

- deleting Facebook though my friends post less on it anyway now. It was the source of that "missing out" feeling.

- families we've gotten closer to and taken short trips with. It's not the same but it's nice to have that company and closeness.

- travel - sometimes to see extended family, in other parts of the country or abroad. Sometimes just vacation. But gives us something to look forward to.

Agree with PPs that these are not "real problems" but everyone is entitled to feel what they feel. And OP is not the only one!

[Anonymous]

Just because the holidays are a suggestion of togetherness, doesn't mean you're going to feel that, depending on what your life situation is. For every holiday there is, there are people where the holiday actually can make you feel worse in certain aspects. So, try not to fall into the holiday feeling trap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, op, if you take yearly vacations to your home country, you will have great memories of traveling, family overseas, and experiences that your peers will not have.

I meant you kids will have these experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real class is appreciating what you have and leaning into it. Own your family and make celebrations you want big or small.

This. And start a gratitude journal.

[Anonymous]

Big families come with a lot of drama and headache too. You cannot ignore that part. And big families can be like quicksand. It can be impossible to extricate yourself from unhealthy family dynamics. I get where you’re coming from but you are looking at what you don’t have with rose coloured glasses

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a huge family with tons of siblings, aunts and uncles, and cousins. It's not that great. Despite having a million cousins, I often felt left out because they skewed older and male. Also my extended family is full of loud, boisterous people and I am quiet and reserved. So I spent a lot of time as a kid during holidays and family gatherings feeling overwhelmed or just getting lost in the crowd because there were so many people demanding attention and elevating the temperature of every room (lots of people who "love to debate").

My sister feels similarly. It's not as great as you think. There are really only a couple family members who I think ever really saw me as an individual as opposed to just another puppy in a litter.

I vastly prefer my small family and our quieter, more intimate holidays as an adult.

[Anonymous]

It is good you realize this now. You can do something about it.

Move closer to family or close friends. Encourage holiday traditions within your own nuclear family (so your kids have that).

People do matter more than money or status. That is a healthy thing to grasp, and better now than on your deathbed.

(Last but not least, don’t romanticize big families. They come with baggage: such as chaos and drama. Try to nurture relationships with people you would choose to hold close.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real class is appreciating what you have and leaning into it. Own your family and make celebrations you want big or small.

Class?

Odd choice of words. This conversation is not about social status.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP.
We lived 6000 miles away from my parents in our childrens' early years.
One day they had seen an episode of Arthur or similar on TV and when it ended they turned to me and said "Can we get some grandparents?"
So I booked us on a flight to see my parents who they had completely forgotten.

[Anonymous]

We had a big family, and a string of tragedies, and now we are very small. OP, I don’t think there is anything wrong with your pangs, but I would just say enjoy all the good things you can right now. If you want to expand your circle in the future, you can do that.

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to find the world’s smallest violin so I can play the world’s shortest song for you. You have so much more than most people in the world. Wait…Scratch that. You have more than most Americans!