Realizing I have everything I want in life except...

[Anonymous]

This post has no purpose except I wanted to write it down somewhere.

I'm in my mid 30s, married, have 2 kids, have a good job, finances are good, own a house, am healthy.

But especially around the holidays, I start feeling kind of lonely, I guess. I'm an only child and my spouse has one sibling who is single. Almost all of our extended family is abroad (we are kids of immigrants). So holidays are small for us. My kids don't mind it now, but I've started to worry that as they get older they'll start to notice and feel the absence of cousins, aunts and uncles. Our friends always mention spending time with this sibling or that sibling-in-law, and traveling to this person's house or that person's house, and I start to idealize in my mind how great it must be to have a big family. Or at least some siblings...

The other wrinkle is that many of our closest friends aren't close by, either. They're concentrated in other parts of the country where we used to live but moved away from a few years ago. So while we've made some new friends, it's not really the same feeling as getting to spend time with people you went to school with or got to know from years and years of being close by to them.

It's kind of an odd feeling - I'm one of those people who studied really hard in school growing up, went to schools and always wanted to be "successful". I did that. But now I'm realizing, at the end of day, it is nice to earn a good salary but I'm not fulfilled by that. I wish I had more people in my life who I'm close to and am able to see regularly.

That's all. Happy holidays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post has no purpose except I wanted to write it down somewhere.

I'm in my mid 30s, married, have 2 kids, have a good job, finances are good, own a house, am healthy.

But especially around the holidays, I start feeling kind of lonely, I guess. I'm an only child and my spouse has one sibling who is single. Almost all of our extended family is abroad (we are kids of immigrants). So holidays are small for us. My kids don't mind it now, but I've started to worry that as they get older they'll start to notice and feel the absence of cousins, aunts and uncles. Our friends always mention spending time with this sibling or that sibling-in-law, and traveling to this person's house or that person's house, and I start to idealize in my mind how great it must be to have a big family. Or at least some siblings...

The other wrinkle is that many of our closest friends aren't close by, either. They're concentrated in other parts of the country where we used to live but moved away from a few years ago. So while we've made some new friends, it's not really the same feeling as getting to spend time with people you went to school with or got to know from years and years of being close by to them.

It's kind of an odd feeling - I'm one of those people who studied really hard in school growing up, went to schools and always wanted to be "successful". I did that. But now I'm realizing, at the end of day, it is nice to earn a good salary but I'm not fulfilled by that. I wish I had more people in my life who I'm close to and am able to see regularly.

That's all. Happy holidays!

Cry me a river

[Anonymous]

I understand where you're coming from OP. I will say that this feeling was most of why we had a 3rd kid. We wanted that big, loud family feeling. You're mid 30s, so not too old. My kids will never have a cousin or aunts that visit, but at least they have each other. I go a bit over the top on holidays to make up for the lack of family too. I really have a lot of nostalgia for my 15 cousins that I spent my Christmases with. I remember massive dining room tables that stretched into multiple rooms and dozens of dishes on the buffet table. Small holidays can still be fun though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post has no purpose except I wanted to write it down somewhere.

I'm in my mid 30s, married, have 2 kids, have a good job, finances are good, own a house, am healthy.

But especially around the holidays, I start feeling kind of lonely, I guess. I'm an only child and my spouse has one sibling who is single. Almost all of our extended family is abroad (we are kids of immigrants). So holidays are small for us. My kids don't mind it now, but I've started to worry that as they get older they'll start to notice and feel the absence of cousins, aunts and uncles. Our friends always mention spending time with this sibling or that sibling-in-law, and traveling to this person's house or that person's house, and I start to idealize in my mind how great it must be to have a big family. Or at least some siblings...

The other wrinkle is that many of our closest friends aren't close by, either. They're concentrated in other parts of the country where we used to live but moved away from a few years ago. So while we've made some new friends, it's not really the same feeling as getting to spend time with people you went to school with or got to know from years and years of being close by to them.

It's kind of an odd feeling - I'm one of those people who studied really hard in school growing up, went to schools and always wanted to be "successful". I did that. But now I'm realizing, at the end of day, it is nice to earn a good salary but I'm not fulfilled by that. I wish I had more people in my life who I'm close to and am able to see regularly.

That's all. Happy holidays!

There's a pretty good chance that you'll make friends with your kids' friends' families, and some of those will become close enough friends to fill this gap a bit. But I understand missing out on the "big family gathering" feeling, particularly around the holidays. Hope you have a great holiday season with your immediate family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post has no purpose except I wanted to write it down somewhere.

I'm in my mid 30s, married, have 2 kids, have a good job, finances are good, own a house, am healthy.

But especially around the holidays, I start feeling kind of lonely, I guess. I'm an only child and my spouse has one sibling who is single. Almost all of our extended family is abroad (we are kids of immigrants). So holidays are small for us. My kids don't mind it now, but I've started to worry that as they get older they'll start to notice and feel the absence of cousins, aunts and uncles. Our friends always mention spending time with this sibling or that sibling-in-law, and traveling to this person's house or that person's house, and I start to idealize in my mind how great it must be to have a big family. Or at least some siblings...

The other wrinkle is that many of our closest friends aren't close by, either. They're concentrated in other parts of the country where we used to live but moved away from a few years ago. So while we've made some new friends, it's not really the same feeling as getting to spend time with people you went to school with or got to know from years and years of being close by to them.

It's kind of an odd feeling - I'm one of those people who studied really hard in school growing up, went to schools and always wanted to be "successful". I did that. But now I'm realizing, at the end of day, it is nice to earn a good salary but I'm not fulfilled by that. I wish I had more people in my life who I'm close to and am able to see regularly.

That's all. Happy holidays!

You are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

You’re now. I also grew up with the big Christmas and lots of family and now I just spend it with my 2 kids and husband. It’s not a bad thing. Just be happy.

[Anonymous]

You worry because you have nothing to actually worry about. The moment you start having real problems, you will realize that you've been a lucky person so far.

It's OK. I was once you. Now I'm just glad my nuclear family is in one piece.

[Anonymous]

Some families are big.
Some families are smaller.
That's life.

You are married to the love of your life. You have children. You have health and financial security. You have a house, and you have friends. It sounds like a lovely lovely life.

Can you travel to the country/countries where you and your spouse have your roots? Not neccesarily during the holidays, but any time? Visit family and let your children learn more about their heritage.

[Anonymous]

On the other hand, op, if you take yearly vacations to your home country, you will have great memories of traveling, family overseas, and experiences that your peers will not have.

[Anonymous]

You are in 30s. You are not realizing anything about life. Be grateful for what you have rather than trying so hard to find faults.

[Anonymous]

do you invite your single sibling to spend the holidays with you?

[Anonymous]

Be thankful for what you have Janice. You’re better off than 99.99 percent of the world

[Anonymous]

It is like you are looking for a problem because you don’t have real problems…yet

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that hosting enormous gatherings with tons of people is a huge amount of stress and work. There is value and peace in smaller gatherings as well.

My dad was one of seven siblings (!) and while it was certainly festive seeing all of his brother and sisters and our cousins at holidays growing up, it was also difficult to get meaningful 1:1 time with them at any gatherings and the relationships were shallower. Grass is always greener I guess.

[Anonymous]

Getting a dog might fill out your family. That’s not why we got a dog, but I was surprised by how my kids pour their love into the dog every day. They consider him a brother. The dog seemed to fill a void that I didn’t know was there.