Dating in college

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a consideration for my son. He’s at a small school now and wants to make sure there is a sizable population of heterosexual women wherever he ends up for college.

I think it’s odd that so many people think dating should be irrelevant to young people. I mean, don’t they have hormones and a sex drive? An emotional drive to connect with someone romantically? Relationships and marriage are supposed to be one of the most important things in adult life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, learn to ask the nice, shy boys out in your elite college. Times have changed, and it shouldn’t just be up to them. If their lack of confidence is a turn off, that’s a you problem: they will be rich and confident in their 30s and no longer interested in women their own age.

Super weird. Not the part about girls asking guys out—but all the rest.

[Anonymous]

Is going to a Boston school the best way to optimize a woman’s chances of meeting someone? Since there are so many good schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a consideration for my son. He’s at a small school now and wants to make sure there is a sizable population of heterosexual women wherever he ends up for college.

I think it’s odd that so many people think dating should be irrelevant to young people. I mean, don’t they have hormones and a sex drive? An emotional drive to connect with someone romantically? Relationships and marriage are supposed to be one of the most important things in adult life.

His best odds would be a larger public university

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a consideration for my son. He’s at a small school now and wants to make sure there is a sizable population of heterosexual women wherever he ends up for college.

I think it’s odd that so many people think dating should be irrelevant to young people. I mean, don’t they have hormones and a sex drive? An emotional drive to connect with someone romantically? Relationships and marriage are supposed to be one of the most important things in adult life.

Only DCUM do people consider it normal
for their kids to be completely celibate and date-free through their teens and twenties--as long as they keep on the pursuit of the Ivy degree, right internship and big job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your students looking at the ratio of males/females and heterosexual/not heterosexual data when applying to colleges? It seems like the dating pool at different select universities varies widely (depending on what one is looking for.) I was a bit surprised by some Ivies, frankly. Or maybe today’s teens don’t really worry much about this kind of thing at all & simply don’t care?

Everyone’s jumping on the gender ratio and dating question but OP, where is this hetero/not hetero data that you are finding? That’s a thing? It’s specific enough to be useful for you in this context? How bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, learn to ask the nice, shy boys out in your elite college. Times have changed, and it shouldn’t just be up to them. If their lack of confidence is a turn off, that’s a you problem: they will be rich and confident in their 30s and no longer interested in women their own age.

Yup. Guy here who was the quintessential "nice guy" in college - too shy to date much, plenty of female friends but no relationships. Lots of attractive but not super attractive girls wouldn't give me the time of day in college - usually the really hot girls were actually nicer. Now I am happily married with kids, fairly successful, etc. And a lot of those who wouldn't bother with me are still single and constantly on social media either posting about nieces, nephews and/or pets and/or they had kids on their own because they were constantly too good for men and no men wanted to put up with their crap anymore. I always enjoy seeing them at reunions, alumni events, etc.

[Anonymous]

My son at a top school is a moderate and dates for a long-term relationship has found it just as difficult. Isn't interested in party girls, or those obsessed with social media, and I think fears having to do the apps thing as a young adult if they don't find their person in college. You can really dwindle the pool quickly in a lot of ways for all sorts of kids looking to date.

[Anonymous]

Our DD hasn't tracked on this in college search at all. She has happened to ED to a school with 50/50 gender ration, but I'm positive that she doesn't realize that and didn't consider it in her decision. But she's been dating the same sweet guy for two years in high school so maybe doesn't feel the urgency at the moment, although I've heard that they plan to break up for college. That said, we walked past a gym full of shirtless basketball players on a recent tour and she looked straight at me and gave a big eyebrow waggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, learn to ask the nice, shy boys out in your elite college. Times have changed, and it shouldn’t just be up to them. If their lack of confidence is a turn off, that’s a you problem: they will be rich and confident in their 30s and no longer interested in women their own age.

Yup. Guy here who was the quintessential "nice guy" in college - too shy to date much, plenty of female friends but no relationships. Lots of attractive but not super attractive girls wouldn't give me the time of day in college - usually the really hot girls were actually nicer. Now I am happily married with kids, fairly successful, etc. And a lot of those who wouldn't bother with me are still single and constantly on social media either posting about nieces, nephews and/or pets and/or they had kids on their own because they were constantly too good for men and no men wanted to put up with their crap anymore. I always enjoy seeing them at reunions, alumni events, etc.

What do you mean by, “wouldn’t give you the time of day?” You say you were too shy to ask anyone out. What did you expect? Were they supposed to ask YOU out?

Men need to learn to ask women out. If you lack the confidence to do so, your dating life won’t be robust. By and large, women don’t want to be the pursuers.

[Anonymous]

I think dating and forming romantic relationships is healthy (and fun). All 3 kids dated in college. Two older boys had long term relationships with super smart girls . They had great friends, girlfriend, did well academically so i saw it as a positive. So it was definitely on my radar when dd looked at colleges. Gender balance is important. We did ask upperclassmen about dating culrure vs schools with just drunken hookup culture. A lot of older girls complain about not being able to find guys to date, so this issue was part of our school list thought process. Not sure why many people marginalize the feelings of young women who seek committed relationships these dats, as if she is abandoning her life and career goals. Imo, the heavy use of dating apps and social media on campus are a big hinderemce to social interaction and healthy dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a consideration for my son. He’s at a small school now and wants to make sure there is a sizable population of heterosexual women wherever he ends up for college.

I think it’s odd that so many people think dating should be irrelevant to young people. I mean, don’t they have hormones and a sex drive? An emotional drive to connect with someone romantically? Relationships and marriage are supposed to be one of the most important things in adult life.

Your son is going to be pleasantly surprised, wherever he goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son at a top school is a moderate and dates for a long-term relationship has found it just as difficult. Isn't interested in party girls, or those obsessed with social media, and I think fears having to do the apps thing as a young adult if they don't find their person in college. You can really dwindle the pool quickly in a lot of ways for all sorts of kids looking to date.

I'm telling you, he shoulda gone to 'Bama...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son at a top school is a moderate and dates for a long-term relationship has found it just as difficult. Isn't interested in party girls, or those obsessed with social media, and I think fears having to do the apps thing as a young adult if they don't find their person in college. You can really dwindle the pool quickly in a lot of ways for all sorts of kids looking to date.

I'm telling you, he shoulda gone to 'Bama...

Said he didn’t like party girls or those obsessed with social media and you suggest Bama. Polar opposite of what he’s interested in. Wants a girl with intellect and drive .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, learn to ask the nice, shy boys out in your elite college. Times have changed, and it shouldn’t just be up to them. If their lack of confidence is a turn off, that’s a you problem: they will be rich and confident in their 30s and no longer interested in women their own age.

Yup. Guy here who was the quintessential "nice guy" in college - too shy to date much, plenty of female friends but no relationships. Lots of attractive but not super attractive girls wouldn't give me the time of day in college - usually the really hot girls were actually nicer. Now I am happily married with kids, fairly successful, etc. And a lot of those who wouldn't bother with me are still single and constantly on social media either posting about nieces, nephews and/or pets and/or they had kids on their own because they were constantly too good for men and no men wanted to put up with their crap anymore. I always enjoy seeing them at reunions, alumni events, etc.

What do you mean by, “wouldn’t give you the time of day?” You say you were too shy to ask anyone out. What did you expect? Were they supposed to ask YOU out?

Men need to learn to ask women out. If you lack the confidence to do so, your dating life won’t be robust. By and large, women don’t want to be the pursuers.

Internalized misogyny says what?